


The Wind Rises (And We Must Learn To Live)

by moonlight_river



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-09-23 12:11:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17080124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_river/pseuds/moonlight_river
Summary: The wind rises and falls, and through it all, Yixing learns to live.





	1. Minseok (Lost Love)

A single snowflake flutters down. It lands on the palm of Yixing’s hand, resting on the furry surface of his knitted purple glove. Yixing stares it for a while, how it nestles in between the stray fluffs of thread, then lets his hand drop.

 

It’s snowing in earnest now. People around him are opening their umbrellas or raising the hoods of their down jackets, but Yixing does neither. He merely walks with his head bent. Snowflakes are accumulating on the pavement, the streets, the tops of the cars zooming past, on the crown of the streetlights. The top of his head feels wet. Despite the falling snow, the streets of Seoul are crowded as usual, people scurrying all around him, their determination to go where they want to undeterred.

 

Yixing reaches his apartment building. He ducks inside the awning, out of the snow. A mother with her children, screaming and squealing, come running in as well, the younger one seated in the pram which the mother is pushing at top speed, the older girl warmly dressed in a bright yellow winter jacket running alongside to keep up. Yixing holds the door open for them. The mother smiles in acknowledgement as she pushes the pram through. Yixing follows them into the foyer. The little girl excitedly calls dibs to be the one to press the lift button. When the lift dings open, Yixing holds the door for them again. When Yixing steps into the lift, the little girl has already pressed the button for her level and she offers to help Yixing press the button for his level too.

 

“Level 12.”

 

The girl excitedly presses the button.

 

“Thank you,” Yixing says, and the girl glows with pride.

 

The rest of the lift journey is extremely noisy. The boy in the pram gurgles, and his mother and older sister lap up each cute expression, entertaining him with baby talk and overflowing praises. Yixing cannot help but smile as he looks at them. They are so happy, the picture-perfect happy family.

 

Yixing looks at the love the mother has in her eyes as she looks upon her infant son. Will she always love him like that? Yixing wonders. Even after he grows up, and does things she does not approve of?

 

The lift door dings. It’s Yixing’s floor. He smiles at the happy family before exiting. The lift door closes, and it’s silence again.

 

Yixing walks up to the door of his apartment. He fumbles in his pocket a while. He finds his keys easily enough, but for some reason, they feel heavy in his hand. He simple stands like that for a while in the landing in front of his door, keys in hand, until he finally decides to face reality. He pushes the key into the lock. A turn and a click, and the apartment door swings open.

 

“You’re home early.”

 

“I left work early, in case you need any help.”

 

“You’re covered in snow.”

 

Yixing can hear the chide in his tone. He holds still and allows Minseok to brush the snow off his hair. Yixing slides off his trench coat and hangs it on the coat hanger near the door. He leaves the scarf on though. He knows Minseok will take it off for him. Minseok is trying his best to distance himself from Yixing, but now that the scarf is sodden with snow, there’s no way Minseok is going to allow it to continue to hang off Yixing’s neck just like that.

 

True enough, Minseok’s fingers tug at knot at the base of Yixing’s neck. He is gentle as always. He starts to pull away, but Yixing slings an arm around his waist and pulls him back. Yixing leans down, and his lips find Minseok’s. Minseok’s lips are warm and soft. They always have been.

 

The kiss ends and Minseok steps back. Yixing allows him to.

 

“I’m done packing,” Minseok says, not meeting Yixing’s eyes. “I just need to move all these to my car.”

 

Yixing looks at the two big glider luggages, and the five or so sealed carton boxes standing behind Minseok. Even in packing, Minseok is always so efficient, so neat.

 

“I’ll help you.”

 

They work together in silence. When the five cartons and two glider luggages are standing next to them in the lift landing, Yixing presses the button.

 

“How’s your mother?” Yixing dares to ask.

 

“She’ll be fine. She was discharged this morning.” Minseok is still not looking at Yixing. “The doctor says the wound is healing fine, she just needs to wear the bandage on her wrist for a while. It’ll probably scar, but she can hide it if she wears a watch, at least until I can afford the plastic surgery procedure for her.”

 

Yixing nods.

 

The lift comes, and they load everything in silence. They take the lift to the basement carpark, where Minseok’s car is parked. It takes less time than Yixing would have liked to get everything neatly packed in.

 

“So, I guess… … this is goodbye then.”

 

Yixing stands still. It is Minseok who suddenly moves in to collapse into Yixing’s arms.

 

 _Don’t go_ , Yixing’s heart screams. _To hell with your mother._

 

Out loud, Yixing says, “Take care.”

 

“You too.”

 

Minseok slides into the car. He leaves the parking lot in a squeal of tires. Yixing stands in the lot for a long time, watching the empty rectangle of daylight that had swallowed up Minseok’s car. Eventually, day passes to night. Residents who pass by are giving Yixing strange looks, so he goes back to his apartment.

 

The apartment feels too big and too quiet, but Yixing supposes he’ll just have to get used to that.

 

One week later, it is snowing again when Yixing steps out of the subway station. He steps out into the falling snow. It’s a Friday night. Usually, Minseok will pick him up at the car pick-up point near the subway exit, but this isn’t happening today. Well, the walk to the restaurant isn’t that far away anyway.

 

It’s a small restaurant tucked away at the corner of an alley. Despite its humble location, a small queue has already formed. It would probably have been longer, if not for the snow. Yixing gets in line, stuffing is hands in his pockets and burying his nose in his scarf. The snow gets heavier. Several people in front of him leave the line. Yixing gratefully shuffles to the front. He is now standing in front of the full-length windows of the shop, just a few more people in front of him.

 

He looks into the shop. It’s well lighted, bright white fluorescent lights shining out into the night. The shop is small, but it is packed. Yixing scans the restaurant, trying to spot diners who might be done soon.

 

This is when Yixing sees him, easily spotting him because of the familiar mop of orangey-brown hair. He’s smiling politely, bright round eyes sparkling. His face is round and cute as always, his cheekbones highlighting his smile. He’s seated across a girl, probably one of the many girls Minseok’s mother had been trying so hard to set him up with. Her back is facing Yixing, and he studies it. She’s slim and petite. She has long black hair that falls down her back. Yixing imagines that she must be pretty, in a cutesy sort of way. She would be a good match for Minseok.

 

Minseok lifts his eyes, and they meet with Yixing’s. His eyes widen, and the expression on his face freezes. He looks shocked, stricken. A deer caught in the headlights. Yixing hates that look on him. Yixing smiles at Minseok, to let him know it’s okay. To let him know not to feel guilty.

 

Yixing turns around, and walks away. His boots sink into the snow, leaving footprints behind him. The wind picks up. Yixing watches a whirl of snowflakes dance in the wind under the light of a streetlamp. The sight is beautiful. Yixing puts his hands in his pockets, and walks on.

 

 

 


	2. Lu Han (First Love)

Noise. Too much noise. Yixing hasn’t even entered the cafeteria yet, and already the noise is overwhelming.

 

The doorway to the cafeteria looms closer with each step. Yixing has almost made it to the end of the corridor when a huge weight barrels into him. Yixing loses his balance. The books in his arms scatter all over the floor, and Yixing watches helplessly as the floor rises up to meet him.

 

Yixing is about to fall face first into his books when a firm hand grasps onto Yixing’s arm. Unable to control his own movement, Yixing can only go along with it as he is hauled back upright.

 

Yixing is panting, breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath from the fright of the near fall. Someone is holding him, warm and protective.

 

“Hey, watch it.”

 

This is said by the person who just saved Yixing. His hand sits firm on Yixing’s waist, holding him close. Yixing does not have to look up to know who is the one holding him. He recognises the voice. But if Yixing was honest with himself, he had already known who it was even before the person had spoken. From the first time the other’s fingertips had come into contact with his skin, he had already known.

 

The beefy jock spins around, scowling, completely unrepentant for having pushed Yixing, annoyed at being told off.

 

“ _You_ watch it – oh, didn’t see you there, Lu Han!”

 

Yixing watches as the scowl immediately slides off the jock’s face. It is replaced by an affable smile, an expression he would never have given resident-nerd Yixing, but has no qualms giving to Lu Han, football captain and officially-not-officially Most Popular Boy in School. The jock pats Lu Han’s shoulder good-naturedly before leaving with his group of friends. He doesn’t spare Yixing a glance, even though Yixing was the one that he had almost knocked over.

 

“You alright?”

 

Lu Han is close. Too close. His face is just inches away from Yixing’s. Not daring to meet Lu Han’s eyes, Yixing squirms out of his hold, his fallen books providing him with the perfect excuse for his action as he squats down to gather them. Yixing has successfully gathered around two or three books when another book slides into the pile in his hands. Yixing looks up. Lu Han is squatting next to him, helping to pick up his books. Yixing bashfully stands up, accepting the remaining books Lu Han deposits in his arms.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Trying his best not to blush, Yixing turns to trudge to the canteen, fully expecting Lu Han leave him to join his group of friends who had been waiting for him at the side all this while.

 

“Did you get my text?”

 

Lu Han is still next to him, matching him stride for stride.

 

“Oh, you texted me? I haven’t checked my phone yet today.”

 

It takes some awkward fumbling, but Yixing manages to shift the weight of the books all to his left arm, freeing up his right hand to dig into the back pocket of his jeans for his handphone. Lu Han’s text is displayed on the lockscreen: _We got an A for our project!_

 

“We got an A for our project!” real-life Lu Han repeats, beaming at Yixing. “The results were released on the school website today.”

 

Oh that. Yixing and Lu Han got paired up to do a info-tech project together. Mr Jong had made all everyone in the class draw lots to pick partners, and to the chagrin of most of the girls in the class, Yixing had been the lucky one whom the online random-picker had chosen for Lu Han.

 

“I guess getting an A nothing new for you.” Lu Han smiles at Yixing’s lack of reaction. “But getting an A for me is a big deal. And it’s all thanks to you!”

 

Well, Yixing couldn’t say no to that. Yixing had basically written a new computer programme code, one that would revamp the school’s tutorial online booking system. The old system was kind of slow, and not that user-friendly. Yixing’s system was twice as fast, and not only allowed a student to key in all their preferred subjects at once, but also allowed students to pick out their top 3 picks for tutorial timeslots at the same time, and the system will allocate the best match for them. As they worked, Yixing had initially tried to explain what he was doing to Lu Han, but after their first few meetups, Yixing had given up and Lu Han’s main contribution had been sitting next to Yixing to provide moral support as Yixing worked.

 

“I definitely owe you lunch. Sit with us today? I’ll buy.”

 

Sit with Lu Han and his friends for lunch? Yixing glances over at Lu Han’s group of friends, who were mainly his teammates from the football team. They had been walking alongside them, chatting amongst themselves, while still including Lu Han in the fringes of their group as they walked. All of them are good-looking, well-dressed, funny, popular… … everything that Yixing is not. The idea of eating lunch with them is beyond terrifying.

 

“Erm, it’s fine. There’s no need for you to treat me. I’ve erm… … eaten already. I’m just here to grab a drink.”

 

Saved by the vending machine they currently walking past, Yixing quickly veers off to plant himself in front of it, giving Lu Han a quick wave goodbye. It’s another difficult balancing act as Yixing slots in the coins and collects the can of warm coffee, but Yixing mentally gives himself a pat on the back when he manages to do so without spilling a single book. Yixing leaves the cafeteria and climbs the steps to the library, trying to ignore his protesting stomach. Mindful that he has to hide his coffee can from the strict librarian, Yixing weaves through throngs of students, study tables and bookshelves till he reaches the far end of the library. There’s only one student seated at the table here. Do Kyungsoo. A small sense of relief floods Yixing. He likes Kyungsoo. He’s nice. Quiet. And he doesn’t hang out with big groups of people.

 

“Can I sit here?”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t reply Yixing, but he shifts his things to one side of the table to give Yixing space. Yixing gratefully puts down his huge stack of books. He quietly opens the can, and props up an open book to hide it. There are so many things to study, but Yixing decides that his calculus assignment is by far the most urgent, so he starts on that first. Yixing sips the coffee intermittently as he works, the steam fogging up his spectacles. The coffee is a comfortable warmth that settles in his belly, but its acidity does nothing for Yixing’s churning stomach.

 

“Let’s go eat something,” Kyungsoo says after the Yixing’s stomach has growled for the umpteenth time, and Yixing supposes he’s not in the position to say no.

 

The walk into the cafeteria is not so intimidating this time round, now that he has someone walking with him. He’s eaten with Kyungsoo before. They don’t actively seek each other out, but at times they run into each other, and they eat together if that’s the case. They queue at the stall with the shortest queue, and manage to find an empty table. Eating with Kyungsoo is comfortable. Conversation flows easily between them, and if there are pockets of time when either of them don’t speak, the silence doesn’t feel uncomfortable either. In between conversation with Kyungsoo, Yixing happens to look up, and over the rows of tables, in between the heads and shoulders of countless moving and jostling students, Yixing’s eyes meet with Lu Han’s.

 

Shit.

 

Lu Han is staring right at Yixing. Yixing quickly buries himself into the bowl of soft tofu kimchi stew. He doesn’t look up for the remainder of the meal.

 

Later that evening, Yixing walks out of the last class of the day. He is dead beat. As he walks, Yixing replays the key points the teacher made in his head… … _negative and positive ions are_

_stabilized by electrostatic attraction… … when two atoms share one electron pair they are said to be joined by a single covalent bond… … each negative charge would mean addition of one electron… …_

 

“Hey.”

 

Yixing looks up, startled by the sound of the familiar voice.

 

“Would you like a lift home?”

 

Lu Han is leaning against the door of his car. For the past few weeks, Lu Han had always picked him up at this carpark after Yixing’s class so that they could work on their project together in the evening. But now that the project was over, there shouldn’t be a reason for Lu Han to be here. Yet, here he is. Lu Han opens the door for Yixing, and before really deciding on whether he should do it, Yixing has slid into the car. Lu Han smiles at Yixing before he walks around to other side to get in.

 

“Are you hungry? Want to grab a bite? There’s a new café that opened just outside school. Have you been there? The pancakes there are really good.”

 

“My mother cooked dinner.”

 

It’s the truth this time, but even then, Yixing can’t bring himself to look Lu Han in the eye. Lu Han doesn’t press the point, and Yixing is thankful. He drives them steadily through the evening traffic, keeping up a steady stream of conversation about school, classes, teachers, and football. Yixing tries not to admire how pretty Lu Han’s hands are, and the calm and controlled way he steers the wheel.

 

“It’s our big game tomorrow.”

 

This even Yixing has heard about. Everyone in school had been talking about it for the past week.

 

“Would you be coming to the game?”

 

“I don’t watch football.”

 

“I see.”

 

If Lu Han is upset, he doesn’t show it. His smile is bright and easy, as always.

 

Lu Han’s car pulls up at the kerb outside Yixing’s home. Yixing thanks Lu Han for the ride and gets down. Lu Han kills the engine and gets down as well. That’s a first. Lu Han usually drives off immediately after. Lu Han walks Yixing to his front door.

 

“Erm… I’m going to go in… … so… …”

 

Yixing makes a vague gesture with his hand, one that could be interpreted as a goodbye wave, or a cue for Lu Han to leave. Lu Han stays put. Yixing gets the impression that there is something more he wants to say. Unable to judge if it would be polite to turn around to leave yet, Yixing hesitates, feeling distinctly awkward, unsure of where to look, where to place his hands.

 

“I got a football scholarship,” Lu Han suddenly blurts out.

 

“Oh.” Yixing considers this for a moment. “So… … you’ll be transferring school?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“When?”

 

“At the start of the new term.”

 

It is the last week of the current term. They are going to have a one-week break, then the new terms starts.

 

“That’s the week after next,” says Yixing slowly. “That’s… … very soon.”

 

“Yes.”

 

A silence settles between them.

 

“My new school is just in the next city. If I drive down the highway, it’s just a couple of hours away. I could come back home every weekend.”

 

Internally, Yixing feels a throb of relief. Externally, Yixing stays stoic, betrays no emotion.

 

“When I took up my scholarship, I made sure the place I chose won’t be too far away from here.”

 

“That means you could still meet up with your friends on the weekends.”

 

“Well, yes, but I was also hoping I could meet up with y‒”

 

“Yixing!”

 

Yixing turns around to see his mother beaming at them. From the looks of it, she had just gone grocery shopping. Yixing reached out to take some of the grocery bags from her.

 

Lu Han bows to Yixing’s mother and greets her politely.

 

“Yixing, who’s this?”

 

“Lu Han. My classmate.”

 

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Yixing’s mother is beaming at Lu Han. “Yixing never brings any friends back! Would you like to join us for dinner?”

 

Yixing can feel his cheeks heating up.

 

“Lu Han is just giving me a lift home, Mum.”

 

Yixing drags his mother into their house before his mother can embarrass him further, mumbling a goodbye to Lu Han in the process.

 

The next day, Yixing quietly shuffles through the crowd. Noisy, it’s too noisy. People are everywhere, right in his face, brushing past him, jostling him. Yixing gingerly picks his way through. He manages to find a small spot right at the back. The view here is not too good, but at least, it’s a little less crowded. The mood around him feels electrifying, as if the very air were charged with energy. Yixing feels like the only person in the entire crowd who is not making noise is himself.

 

The stands fill with cheers as the players from both sides enter the pitch. The players stand in two rows facing the crowd, but Yixing only has eyes for one of them. Lu Han looks good in his football uniform. It’s white, with his name and number, and long knee-high socks, in black

 

Yixing knows nothing about football. But he does pick out that the defence on either side are strong. Neither side has yet to score. Every time the ball is in the one third of the field near the goal on either side, the players on the defending side crowd around the ball, and the ball never makes it through, and always keeps getting kicked back to the other end of the field. Thus, the ball spends the entirety of the game being kicked back and forth in mid-field, never entering goal zone.

 

It makes for a boring game, if not for the fact that Yixing has a vested interest in one of the players. Yixing watches as Lu Han tries, really tries, but it is obvious the opponent team has marked him. The instant Lu Han gains possession of the ball, five or six players on the opposite team converge on him. Surrounded on all sides, there is no way Lu Han can score. Yixing sees the frustration on Lu Han’s face, but yet despite it all, Yixing can see the calm way he controls his emotions and focuses on the game, never giving up. It makes Yixing feel a rush of admiration towards Lu Han.

 

Ten more minutes to the end of the game. The ball is in the half of the field nearer the opponents’ goal post. Yixing silently roots for his school team, willing them to keep the defences up, so that the match will end in a 0-0 draw at least. Suddenly, one of the players on the home team gives the ball an almighty kick. Faster than Yixing thought possible, the ball shoots across the pitch, back to other half of the field. Another player receives the ball, and in another blink of an eye, the ball flies across the field, and is received by Lu Han.

 

Lu Han sprints forward, swift as an arrow, dribbling the ball as he tears across the pitch towards the goal. The people who had been marking Lu Han earlier are still in the opposite side of the field. They had left the positions in mid-field, in favour of trying to help get ball past the home team’s defence. They are all running back now, but it is too late. One of the few defenders left tries to intercept Lu Han. But he is slow. Too slow as compared to Lu Han. Lu Han makes a feint, then dribbles the ball past him, leaving him behind with ease.

 

Lu Han streaks across the pitch, his fringe flying in wind as he runs. A kick, and then… … score!

 

As one, everyone in the bleachers rise to their feet, Yixing along with them. Everyone is screaming, and to Yixing’s own surprise, so is he. All the home team players converge onto Lu Han, and for a while, Yixing can’t see Lu Han, because he has been buried in the middle of a massive multi-human hug. But when he eventually emerges, he looks towards the stands, directly at Yixing. Across the sea of people, their eyes meet. Lu Han beams at Yixing. It is a smile of sheer joy. Blushing, Yixing quickly averts his eyes.

 

The match ends and people are streaming out of the stadium. Yixing follows behind them, trying to put up with the crowd and the noise. He boards his bus. The bus is too crowded, so he can’t get a seat. He squeezes to the back, holding on to one to the hand-holds for support. Yixing’s handphone vibrates. Yixing takes it out from his back pocket.

 

He’s got a text from Lu Han:

 

_You came! I have to go shower now though. Wait for me? The team’s going out to celebrate the win. Would you like to come?_

 

 _I’m on the bus home already._ Yixing replies. _Congrats on the win._

 

Yixing shoves his handphone in his back pocket, and doesn’t take it out again, despite the constant buzzing.

 

It’s the last day of the term, so the one-week break is finally here. Yixing relishes it, the fact that he can stay home alone all day, and not have to brave classes and crowded places and interactions with people.

 

Unfortunately, it passes too soon, and it’s the first day of school again. Yixing makes his way to class. He’s early as usual. He sits right in the front of the class. The other students file in slowly. Eventually, Lu Han’s usual group comes in too. Lu Han is nowhere to be seen. A pang stings within Yixing. He tries to ignore it, but can’t. The feeling of hollowness follows him through the rest of week, when he’s at lessons, when he’s eating, when he’s studying and when he’s taking the bus home.

 

The weekend comes round again. It’s Saturday morning, and Yixing is looking forward to spending the next two days in solitude. Hefting his heavy backpack on one shoulder, Yixing locks the door and steps out of his driveway and onto the sidewalk.

 

“Hey.”

 

Yixing stops and stares. Lu Han is standing in front of him. He’s leaning against the side of his car, which had been parked on the road just right outside Yixing’s house. He’s looking dapper in his light brown leather jacket, black t-shirt and jeans. 

 

“Where are you going? Let me give you a lift.”

 

 _What are you doing here?_ Yixing wants to ask. _How long have you been waiting?_

 

“I’m erm, just going to Starbucks to study.”

 

“I’ll drive you.”            

 

Lu Han opens the door for Yixing. Yixing gets in, and Lu Han walks round to the other side of the car to get in too.

 

“When did you get back?”

 

“Last night. I’ll be coming home every weekend.”

 

“How’s your new school?”

 

“Not bad. I like it. It’s kinda intimidating at first cos everyone already knows everyone else, you know? But I think I’ve made a few friends here and there. I’ll see how it goes. I attended my first football practice there. The team is really, really good. The members there have all been scouted from around the country. I used to play first striker when I was here, but over there, I think I’ll probably get mid-fielder. At least for now.”

 

Yixing nods, not really understanding the football terms Lu Han used. But it seems like Lu Han is adjusting well there. Which is expected of Lu Han, really. Of course he’ll be popular where ever he goes.

 

“How about you? We haven’t met for two weeks. How have you been?”

 

“The same, I guess.”

 

“Did you miss me?”

 

A jot of alarm goes through Yixing. He glances at Lu Han, but he’s smiling easily as he side glances at Yixing, before turning his eyes back on the road. He’s joking, Yixing realises, and Yixing relaxes somewhat.

 

Lu Han pulls in a carpark. He drives straight into one of the lots. He lowers the hood of his convertible. They are facing a park, an expanse of green grass framed on the side with trees in front of them.

 

“Starbucks is in the next block.”

 

“I know, but I was hoping I could talk with you for a while.”

 

Yixing remains silent, not knowing how to react.

 

“Did you miss me?”

 

It’s a genuine question this time, there’s no joking undertone. Lu Han really wants to know. Yixing doesn’t know how to answer.

 

“I missed you,” Lu Han says quietly. “I kept wanting to text you, or call you, but I wasn’t sure if you would entertain me if I did.”

 

“How long were you outside my house?”

 

“Around two hours.”

 

“What if I stayed home and studied all day?” Yixing sometimes does that. His mother feeds him when meal times come around, so he doesn’t need to leave the sanctuary of his house. “How long would you have waited?”

 

“I would have waited all day,” Lu Han replies without any hesitation. “And if I didn’t see you, I would have come back tomorrow.”

 

“Why didn’t you text me to come out to meet you?”

 

“I didn’t want to give you the chance to reject me. I’ve been facing enough rejection already, don’t you think?”

 

Yixing cheeks are heating up. Badly.

 

“Thanks for coming to game. It meant so much to me, that you were there. I think if not for the fact that you came, I don’t think I would have the courage to be here right now.”

 

“How did you know I was there?”

 

“I was looking out for you when we walked into the pitch before the match. I know you said you wouldn’t come, but I still hoped anyway. I figured if you were to come, you’ll sit at the back, in the corner, and I was right. I was so happy that you were there, but was also very nervous. It was your first time watching me play, and I wanted to make a good impression. I never wanted to score a goal so badly. I thought it was all over, but thank goodness for that last-minute opportunity to score. So, how was it? I looked good, right?” Lu Han jokes.

 

Despite the butterflies fluttering in his stomach, Yixing chuckles along with Lu Han.

 

“Can I hold your hand?”

 

Yixing’s heartbeat is thumping so fast, it’s like he’s running a race. He doesn’t reply, but Lu Han reaches over anyway. His fingers curl around over Yixing’s palm. It feels warm, soft and comforting, yet terrifying at the same time.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

Wha‒? Shit, he’s really leaning over. Shit… shit… shit-

 

Lu Han’s lips are soft, and gentle. It feels… … nice. Really nice.

 

Lu Han pulls back. Yixing can feel his cheeks flaming.

 

“You’re so cute. How are you even allowed?”

 

“Shouldn’t that be my line?”

 

Yixing mumbles this so incoherently, he’s not even sure if Lu Han can hear him. But the grin on Lu Han’s face tells Yixing that yes, Lu Han has heard him, crystal clear.

 

“So you find me cute too?” Lu Han all but crows.

 

“So,” Lu Han continues, indicating their linked hands. “This is okay?”

 

A wind picks up. It rustles through the car, tousling both Yixing and Lu Han’s hair.

 

His hair looks soft. Yixing fights the urge to touch it.

 

Lu Han reaches over. He pats Yixing’s hair back into neatness. His touch feels comfortable. Soothing.

 

Yixing nods, answering Lu Han’s question at last.

 

Lu Han breaks into a wide smile.

 

Lu Han leans over again. His lips are mere inches away from Yixing’s.

 

“And this is okay too?”

 

The wind falls. The world seems to wait, to stand still.

 

Yixing nods.

 

Lu Han closes the gap, and Yixing smiles into the kiss.

 

 

 


	3. Yifan (Betrayal)

“Bloody hell!”

 

Yixing looks up from his petri dish, in the middle of injecting another dosage of bacteria into the cells. Holding his hand steady, he injects the 0.0014 mg of the _Lactobaccilus Acidophilus_ smoothly into the cell without any issue, before looking up from the microscope and over at his frazzled lab partner. He can somewhat guess what is bothering Yifan.

 

“Failed results?”

 

“I don’t believe it.” Yifan sighs heavily. “I was so sure it would work this time.”

 

“It happens to all of us,” Yixing says bracingly. “Do you want to grab some coffee? We could both use a break.”

 

Yifan grumbles some more, but he shrugs off his lab coat all the same. Yixing follows suit.

 

When they walk out of the lab, the bright summer sunshine hits them.

 

“Sheesh,” grumbles Yifan, his eyes closed in a squint. “Forgot how bright it gets out.”

 

“I like it,” smiles Yixing. He likes feel of the sun on his face, after hours and hours cooped up in the artic-cold lab.

 

They grab takeaway coffee from the café at the first floor of their building, opting to sit out in the summer sun instead of inside the air-conditioned café. A latte for Yixing and a cappuccino for Yifan. They sit side by side on a park bench. There’s a playground not too far from them, filled with running, squealing kids.

 

“These kids are crazy. How can they play under this hot sun?” gripes Yifan.

 

“I think they’re cute,” smiles Yixing.

 

Looking at them play reminds Yixing of his childhood. There was a boy who lived next door to him. He was about ten years older than Yixing, and Yixing absolutely adored him. He used to bring Yixing to play at the playground near their house every day, no matter how hot it was. If it rained, Yixing’s mother wouldn’t let him go, and Yixing would throw a big tantrum.

 

“How do you stay so happy and upbeat all the time?” Yifan side glances at Yixing. “Your research must be going well.”

 

“I had dry spells before too. We all have them at some point or the other. It’ll pass. You’re bound to get a breakthrough soon.”

 

“If I get even get my funding renewed, that is. Without funding, my research might have to be stopped before this so-called breakthrough ever gets to happen, but this would be the least of my concerns by then, because I would be jobless.”

 

“It will. Your work has always garnered the lab good results. Your past track record has always been good. You’re a brilliant scientist. The sponsors won’t pull out of your project just because of some temporary difficulties.”

 

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re the new darling of the medical research world. Every project you take up seems to just turn to gold. Labs are fighting to sign you, and just your name alone appearing in the list of researchers is enough to guarantee sponsorship for any project. In fact, if I were living on the royalties you currently have, I wouldn’t even be working. I would be sipping cocktails on a beach in the Bahamas right now.”

 

Yixing laughs. “I’ll be bored if I didn’t work.”

 

Besides, what was Yixing if he didn’t have his work? When he was a student, Yixing had always buried himself in books. Now that he was working, he buried himself in his research. Nothing fulfilled Yixing more than the pursuit of knowledge. Sure, he had lost a lot of things on the way, but work was a constant that Yixing could always fall back on.

 

A group of teenagers start a game of football in the open patch of grass nearby, and despite all the years that had past, all the wounds that have long been healed, Yixing feels a pang.

 

“Come, let’s go back to work,” says Yixing, draining the last of his coffee.

 

They continue their lab work in silence for the rest of the afternoon. Working in a research lab is long, silent work, and Yixing likes the fact that the lab is only shared by Yifan and himself. Yifan is a good lab partner to have, he keeps to side, cleans up after himself, and doesn’t see the need to fill silences with pointless small talk.

 

Yixing gets a shock when he next looks at the clock.

 

“Gosh, it’s 9 p.m.!”

 

“Shit. I had no idea it was that late too. I’m going to grab some dinner. Come with me?”

 

“Aren’t you going home for the night?” asks Yixing.

 

Yifan shakes his head.

 

“My presentation with the sponsors is coming up next week. I can’t go into that presentation with the results I currently have. I’m going to pull an all-nighter here.”

 

Yifan looks tired, dead on his feet. Yixing feels a pang of sympathy.

 

“I’ll come with you. Both for dinner, and back to the lab after,” says Yixing.

 

Yifan smiles gratefully at him.

 

They both pack up, carefully stowing their experiments in their respective personalised refrigerators, and lock them with their own personalised number codes.

 

They end up going to a sushi bar near their office. Yixing is amazed at how many plates of _sashimi_ Yifan can pack away. 

 

“You like _tamago_ , huh?” Yifan raises an eyebrow when Yixing orders another plate of the egg sushi.

 

“It brings back good memories from my childhood. My mum and I weren’t well-off, so we couldn’t afford sushi. But on my birthday, my mother would buy _tamago_ sushi for me from the supermarket.”

 

“What about your dad? You never talk about him.”

 

“He walked out on us when I was eight,” Yixing shrugs. “I barely remember him.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s all right. He’s not important. I’ve always had my mum, and that’s more than enough.”

 

“And now you’re a hot-shot scientist. Who needs fathers anyway? Totally overrated.”

 

“Don’t catch your father hear you saying that.”

 

Yixing is familiar with Yifan’s father. He drops by often, mostly because Yifan’s mother drags him along with her when she delivers home-made food to Yifan for lunch. She often make an extra portion for Yixing too.

 

“Yeah, you’re right. Don’t tell him I said that. I may be all grown up, but he’s not going to hesitate to whack me on the back of my head,” says Yifan earnestly, and Yixing laughs.

 

The chef makes Yixing’s _tamago_ sushi right in front of them. Yixing likes to watch the sushi chef. It’s like he treats every sushi he crafts like a work of art. The chef serves the plate in front of Yixing, the two _tamago_ sushi sitting on plate next to each other like a pair of identical twins. Yixing picks up his chopsticks, but before he can lift them, Yifan has already stolen one of them.

 

“Cheers,” says Yifan shamelessly, grinning as he holds out his stolen _tamago_ sushi in between his chopsticks.

 

Yixing tries to huff, but fails. Smiling, he bumps his _tamago_ sushi against Yifan’s, and they pop it into their mouths together.

 

Yifan orders a bottle of chilled _sake_.

 

“I can’t hold alcohol,” Yixing says a little uneasily when Yifan pours him a shot.

 

“A little bit won’t hurt. C’mon, live a little.”

 

Yixing hesitantly takes a sip.

 

“Shit, this stuff is strong.”

 

It looks like plain water, but it burns down the throat.

 

Yifan laughs at the face Yixing is making, before refilling Yixing’s cup.

 

“C’mon. It’s not that bad.”

 

“It’s bitter.”

 

Yifan laughs again.

 

“You’re cute.”

 

Alarmed, Yixing dares to side glance at Yifan. Yifan is smiling at him, his gaze open and unafraid. Unable to hold Yifan’s gaze, Yixing’s eyes quickly dart away. To hide his embarrassment, he takes another big sip of the sake, and promptly splutters. Face red, he ignores Yifan’s laughter as he tries to regain his dignity.

 

Dinner ends and it’s time to walk back to the lab, but suddenly, walking on his own seems like an impossible task for Yixing. He leans against Yifan all the way, glad of Yifan’s hand on his waist, the broad shoulder that he can rest his head on.

 

When they return to the lab, Yixing remembers being deposited on his lab chair. He blurrily turns on his laptop. The computer shows in the log-in screen, and Yixing keys in the access code. The last thing he remembers is waiting for his desktop screen to come on.

 

The ceiling is unfamiliar. Yixing stretches. The place he’s sleeping on is unfamiliar too. It’s not his bed. He sits up. A jacket falls off him. It’s not his jacket.

 

It takes Yixing a while to realise where he is. He has fallen asleep on the cream-coloured leather counter his office pantry. His head had been pillowed on what he recognises as Yifan’s chair cushion, and Yifan’s jacket had been covered over him like a blanket.

 

Yixing blinks to see Yifan walk into the room. Yixing sits up, burrowing himself into the warmth of Yifan’s jacket. Yixing gropes around for his glasses, but his fingers fail to detect them. Yifan picks it up from the pantry table and he slides it on for Yixing. With his newly-regained clear vision, Yixing can see Yifan smiling at him as he reaches over to finger-comb Yixing’s sleep-mussed hair. He passes Yixing a set of disposable toothbrush and toothpaste, which he must have purchased from the convenience store downstairs. Yixing drags himself to the pantry sink to wash up. As he brushes his teeth and washes his face, he can hear the whirring of the coffee machine.

 

Yixing sits at the pantry table. Yifan places a steaming cup of freshly frothed coffee in front of him. Yixing takes a sip. It’s good. Wakes him up and fills his insides with warmth.

 

“How did your research go last night?”

 

“Good. I think I made a breakthrough last night.”

 

Yifan looks happy, happier than Yixing has seen him in a long time. Yixing smiles, happy for his friend.

 

One week later, Yixing quietly opens the heavy mahogany doors and slips into the boardroom. He sits at the nearest empty chair. It seems like Yifan has just started his presentation. Yixing is glad that he has made it in time. Yifan’s eyes flick over to Yixing, and Yixing smiles at him reassuringly. Yifan squares his shoulders, and continues.

 

When he speaks, his voice is clear and steady, and Yixing is so proud of him. He starts off by giving the background of the project, and refreshing everyone’s mind on his previous research and their results. The results aren’t good, everyone knows this. Two years on Yifan’s life spent on this, but the results are not conclusive at best.

 

It’s now time for the crux of the presentation. Yifan is about to present his recent results. Yixing has confidence in Yifan. Yifan said that he had a breakthrough.

 

Yifan is now revealing his new drug formula, the one the cancer cells are responding to. It is still in the preliminary stages. The cancer cells are dying when the new drug is injected into them. The success rate is 80%, under some conditions. A round of applause, and Yixing claps along with the rest.

 

Yifan unveils his new drug formula. Yixing watches the screen intently as Yifan reveals the cell structure of the new chemical formula. The first few cells come together.

 

Hmmm… they seem kind of familiar? Similar actually, to what Yixing has been working on.

 

50% of the formula structure has been formed on the screen. So far, the semblance is uncanny. Well, the strain of cancer that Yifan has been researching on is actually rather close to Yixing’s. It could stand to chance that Yifan stumbled onto the same formula as Yixing’s. There is a possibility that base formula could be the same, but from here on, for it to work on Yifan’s cancer strain, the formula should differ from here on… …

 

Yixing watches with sinking dread as the formula continues to form on the screen, cell by cell, bond by bond, until the complete chemical sequence is formed at last, the 3-D diagram rotating 360 degrees on the projector screen for all to see. Another round of applause starts again, but this time, Yixing does not join in.

 

Everyone is congratulating Yifan. Their lab director is patting Yifan on the back. The representative from the sponsor’s company is already shaking Yifan’s hand, promising Yifan a new injection of funds. The sum he mentions is impressive. It would tide Yifan’s research for another two years or so.

 

Yixing has seen enough. He stands up. His legs are somewhat shaky, but Yixing thinks he managed to stand up without anyone noticing how much he’s trembling. His insides are as cold as ice. He exits the room quietly.

 

When he steps out, he is greeted by the sight of raindrops splattering the glass of the full-length window that lines the corridor. A full-fledged storm is raging outside. Well, Yixing hadn’t seen that coming. When he stepped into the boardroom for the presentation, it had still been sunny out. Not a raincloud in sight.

 

“Yixing!”

 

Yixing pretends that he doesn’t hear Yifan, and continues walking down the corridor at a steady pace.

 

“Yixing!”

 

Yixing picks up his pace. He steps quickly and lightly down the spiral staircase, into the main foyer of their office building. He scans his access card. The double sliding doors open for him, and Yixing is out on the main street.

 

“Yixing!”

 

The voice comes from directly from behind Yixing. A hand holds on to Yixing’s elbow, and Yixing gets spun around.

 

Yixing raises his hand without thinking. There is a resounding smack when Yixing’s palm comes into contact with Yifan’s cheek. Yifan’s whole face is turned to side with force of the slap.

 

Yixing would like to say that the slap was satisfying, except, it wasn’t. The icy feeling just wells in the pit of his stomach, taking over Yixing’s entire being.

 

Yifan rubs his face gingerly.

 

“I suppose I deserved that.”

 

“That night, you got me drunk on purpose. After I keyed in the access code to my laptop, I passed out, drunk. And then you stole my research.”

 

Yifan doesn’t say anything. Yixing supposes that there is nothing to say.

 

“It won’t work. Not for the strain of cancer you are working on. You fooled the sponsors, and even the lab director, this time. But eventually, you will be back to square one. Your results will fail.”

 

“I know. It was just a stop-gap measure, to secure the sponsorship. To buy time for another two more years. By then, I would have gotten my breakthrough. You said it the other day right? This is just a dry spell, my breakthrough will come sooner or later−“

 

“Leave the lab.” Yixing’s voice is cold. “With such promising-looking research results, you shouldn’t have any problem finding another lab that would take you in. The sponsor will probably follow you to whichever lab you choose.”

 

“Yixing, please, forgive me. I was desperate. Give me a ‒”

 

“If don’t promise to go, I will go back into that boardroom right now and tell everyone who actually came up with the formula. I will be able to produce evidence that it’s actually mine. I have all the past records of my research, the step-by-step process on the trials and errors I went through to come up with it. There will be no doubt that I was the one who developed it.”

 

Yifan pales, and nods.

 

“You have until the end of the month.”

 

With that, Yixing turns on his heels and walks away. He walks right out into the rain. In an instant, Yixing is soaked to the bone. The wind is harsh, whipping raindrops into Yixing’s face. His hair is plastered to his scalp. His soaked clothes cling to his skin. Rain coats Yixing’s spectacles, making it hard for Yixing to see anything. Yixing just lowers his head, and continues to walk on.

 

 


	4. Junmyeon (First Goodbye)

Yixing peeps in through the window. The house looks empty. No lights switched on. No sound from within.  

 

Very quietly, Yixing pushes the key into the lock. Slowly, he turns the key, and winces when the lock makes a clicking sound. The door creaks open. Hesitantly, Yixing pokes his head in. The house still looks empty. He takes off his shoes and tip-toes in, leaving the front door open.

 

There’s no one in living room. Yixing picks his way across the room, so that he can poke his head into the kitchen. No one there either. He checks the bathroom. No one. Taking a deep breath, he pushes open the bedroom door. The door swings open. The sight of an empty bed greets him.

 

Yixing heaves a big sigh of relief. His father isn’t home. He was just home last night. He was home in fact, for the past week, which is not usual. He often leaves for days at a time. During these times, his mother would fret, but Yixing would be immensely relieved. But he sometimes comes back unannounced, there was no knowing when he would suddenly turn up, and Yixing sincerely hopes he will stay away for a longer period this time.

 

Yixing happily goes to the close the front door. He had left it open in case he needed to make a quick escape. There was once when Yixing came home, his father was drunkenly throwing empty wine bottles against the walls, and Yixing had narrowly missed being cut by shards of glass before his fumbling hands had managed to unlock the door again to let himself out. Since then, Yixing had always learnt to leave the front door unlocked until he could assess whether the situation at home was safe or not first.

 

He puts his school bag on floor next to his little study table, which is placed in the corner of the living room. Yixing likes it. It’s a cosy corner he can call his own. Taking his t-shirt and shorts from the back of the bedroom door where they had been hanging, Yixing goes to the bathroom. He hangs them the t-shirt and shorts at the hook, then strips himself of his school uniform shirt and shorts. He puts them in a bucket, adds in a pinch of washing powder, then puts the bucket under the tap. The bucket soon fills with soapy water. Yixing scrunches up the uniform in the soapy water, rubbing it against itself for a while, trying his best to cover everywhere, before he rinses off the soap. He wrings them dry as best as he can, then hangs the school uniform t-shirt and shorts on separate hangers, before he takes his bath. They don’t have hot water in the house, so it’s a cold water bath that Yixing takes, but Yixing doesn’t mind. He just hopes that the water won’t stop in the middle of his bath, which happened the last time they couldn’t afford to pay the water bill. The water doesn’t stop, so Yixing enjoys his bath, though he’s careful not to use as little water as possible. After the bath, he goes to the kitchen to make himself a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.

 

As he chews, he goes to his little study table to do his homework. He just has a Maths worksheet to do today, and it’s easy. He finishes it within five minutes. After that, he takes out his Maths textbook and his Korean textbook to revise the pages that his teacher taught today. He takes out his Spelling exercise book too. He’s gotten full marks for Spelling again, and his teacher had given him a big sticker.  His mother is at work and wouldn’t be back till nightfall, so he leaves the open Spelling book on the dining table for his mother to sign when she comes home later.

 

When his homework and revision done, Yixing goes to wait by the window. Junmyeon hyung should be home anytime now. Unlike Yixing, who is in Elementary One, Junmyeon hyung is in high school, so he ends school later than Yixing. But he usually comes home around the time that Yixing has finished his homework, so he should be back any time now.

 

Yixing waits and waits, looking out of the window faithfully, but Junmyeon hyung does not come. Yixing frowns. Finally unable to wait any longer, Yixing goes to unlock the front door. He slips on his school shoes, which are the only pair of shoes he owns, then goes next door.

 

He knocks on the door. After a while, the door opens and Yixing bows politely to Junmyeon hyung’s mother.

 

“Good afternoon, _uh-muh-nim_. Is Junmyeon hyung home yet?”

 

“Hello Yixing!” Junmyeon’s hyung mother smiles warmly at Yixing. Yixing likes her. She has always been kind to him. “Junmyeon is not feeling well today. He didn’t go to school. He’s sleeping in his room.”

 

“Oh. Is Junmyeon hyung all right?”

 

“He’s all right. He’ll be fine after some rest.”

 

“Thank you, _uh-muh-nim._ ”

 

Yixing turns to leave, but Junmyeon’s hyung mother ushers him in.

  
“Come in and drink some milk before you go.”

 

“No thanks, _uh-muh-nim_ ,” says Yixing, blushing slightly.

 

“Nonsense, a growing boy like you needs to eat more. You’re too skinny!”

 

Junmyeon hyung’s mother steers him into the kitchen, and Yixing’s mouth waters even as she pours the cold milk from the carton into the glass. Yixing swallows his saliva, trying his best not to look too greedy. It has been so long since he last got to drink milk. Yixing gratefully accepts the glass, thanking Junmyeon hyung’s mother politely. He sips it slowly to make it last longer.

 

“Yixing, you’re here.”

 

Yixing turns around to see his very-most-favouritest person in the whole wide world, aside from his mother, enter the kitchen. He puts down his glass of milk and runs to him. He hugs Junmyeon hyung tightly around the legs, and Junmyeon hyung chuckles as he ruffles Yixing’s hair.

 

“Have you eaten?”

 

Yixing nods.

 

“And _uh-muh-nim_ gave me milk too!”

 

Junmyeon hyung leads Yixing back to the kitchen table. Yixing picks up his glass of milk happily. It tastes twice as good now that Junmyeon hyung is sitting next to him.

 

“Is Junmyeon hyung not feeling well?” asks Yixing, concerned.

 

“I’m fine. I just need to rest for a bit at home,” smiles Junmyeon hyung. “Have you done your homework?”

 

“Yes! My Maths teacher taught us how to add two-digit numbers today. It’s super easy!”

 

“Is it?” laughs Junmyeon hyung.

 

“Yes, my teacher says I can add the fastest in my class!”

 

“Really? Our Yixing is so smart.”

 

Yixing basks in Junmyeon hyung’s praise.

 

“After you finish your milk, would you like to go to the playground?”

 

“Yes!” Going to the playground with Junmyeon hyung is Yixing’s absolute favourite thing to do.

 

As they walk to the playground, Yixing chatters about school. Today, his classmate Siwon got into trouble because he had closed the door with the blackboard duster jammed in between the top of the door and wall. When the teacher pushed open the door, the duster fell right on top of his head! It was really funny and the whole class laughed, but Siwon got called to the principal’s office. They also had their weekly Maths speed quiz today. The girl who sat next to Yixing, Minchae, cried in the middle of the quiz because she didn’t know how to do it, so Yixing secretly let her see his answers.

 

“Yixing-ah, you shouldn’t have done that.”

 

“But Minchae’s mother will scold her if she fails the quiz!”

 

“You have to let Minchae try her best on her own. It’s not honest otherwise. Even if she gets a good score, the score doesn’t truly belong to her, because she only managed to get it by copying off you.”

 

Yixing thinks about what Junmyeon hyung said. After a while, he decides that Junmyeon hyung is right, so he nods and promises not to do it again.

 

They’ve reached the playground and Yixing runs to the slide the first. Junmyeon hyung accompanies Yixing up the slide and they slide down it together. There are series of standing rotating pods, and Yixing jumps from one pod to another, holding the poles in the middle of the pods for balance. Junmyeon hyung walks along with Yixing, posed to catch Yixing if he falls, but Yixing is agile and he doesn’t.  After that, Yixing goes on the swing, with Junmyeon hyung pushing Yixing as high as he can go.

 

Tired at last, Yixing and Junmyeon hyung sit on the bench.

 

“Yixing-ah, I have something to tell you.”

 

Yixing looks up. Junmyeon hyung looks very serious. Yixing wonders what is going on. He has never seen Junmyeon hyung look so grave, and Yixing starts to get a bad feeling.

 

“I’m going to London to study.”

 

“London?” Yixing has never heard of this place before. “Where is that?”

 

“It’s very far away from here. You have to take an aeroplane there.”

 

Yixing’s heart sinks. He has heard of aeroplanes before. His school teacher had explained what they were.

 

“When will you come back?”

 

Junmyeon hyung arranges Yixing’s fringe for him.

 

“Yixing-ah, it’s unlikely that I will come back.”

 

It takes a moment for that to sink in. It takes a while, because Yixing is so shocked, but eventually, Yixing understands what Junmyeon hyung is telling him.

 

Junmyeon hyung is leaving. He is never coming back. Yixing will never see Junmyeon hyung again.

 

Yixing’s eyes fill with tears. Junmyeon hyung hugs Yixing to him.

 

“But why?”

 

“I got a scholarship to study there.”

 

“What’s a scholarship?”

 

“It’s when someone else pays for your studies, as a reward for you having done well in school.”

 

Oh. Maybe Yixing can get a scholarship next time too. Then his mother wouldn’t have to keep worrying about paying Yixing’s school fees.

 

“Will you come back to visit me?”

 

“I will try.”

 

This promise makes Yixing feel better. Much, much better. But he still wants more reassurance, so he sticks out his little finger.

 

“Pinky promise?”

 

“Pinky promise.”

 

Junmyeon hyung solemnly links his little finger with Yixing, and they seal the promise. Yixing believes in Junmyeon hyung. Junmyeon hyung has never lied to Yixing. If he has promised he would try, Yixing knows he really will. If Junmyeon hyung doesn’t come back, Yixing knows that means that he really couldn’t.

 

Junmyeon hyung removes a wrapped present from the tote bag he’s been carrying and passes it to Yixing.

 

“This is for you.”

 

Normally, Yixing would be thrilled to receive a present, but now, no present in the world could take the sting of Junmyeon hyung leaving away. Nevertheless, Yixing politely accepts the gift.

 

“Open it.”

 

The wrapping looks too pretty to ruin. Yixing slowly peels the scotch tape from one end away, careful not to tear the wrapper. There’s a box underneath. Yixing opens the box, and carefully lifts out the figurine that is inside.

 

It’s a fairy, carved out of wood. It has a pretty face, with brilliant bright red hair peeking out from underneath a green pointy hat. His tunic and leggings are of the same bright forest green, and so are his shoes, which are curled at the tips. Yixing likes his wings best of all. Underneath the sun, they seem to shine all of sorts of colours, orange if Yixing tilts this way, pink or red if Yixing tilts it another way.

 

“Do you like it?”

 

Junmyeon hyung smiles when Yixing nods.

 

“His name is Baekhyun.”

 

“Baekhyun.” Yixing tries the name on his tongue. It sounds nice.

 

“Baekhyun will watch over you when I am not around, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Yixing hugs the fairy to him, trying to blink his tears away. Junmyeon hyung pats the back of his head.

 

“Baekhyun is a fairy, so he has magic. You and Baekhyun will have all sorts of adventures together, you’ll see.”

 

 

 


	5. Baekhyun (Childhood Dreams)

“Yixing, be a good boy. Sit here and do your work. Mama needs to talk to Baba for a while, all right?”

 

“Mama?”

 

His mother’s eyes are red and watery. Her face is all blotchy. Concerned, Yixing slides off the chair and starts to make his way to her.

 

“SIT!”

 

Yixing quickly scrambles back on the chair.

 

“Don’t yell at him!”

 

“Shut your mouth, bitch. Can’t a father discipline his son?”

 

With that, he storms into their bedroom. Yixing’s mother presses her mouth into a thin line, but she doesn’t say anything more. She goes in the room after her husband, leaving Yixing alone in the living room, seated on his little plastic chair, in front of his little kid-sized table. The bedroom door is closed, but Yixing can still hear the loud voices of his parents arguing. 

 

Yixing takes out his Chinese exercise book. The cover is brown and it feels rough. He opens the book. Inside, the paper is white and smooth. The page is covered from top to bottom in neat boxes, printed in light blue ink. He picks up his pencil and starts on his Chinese practice. Yixing learns Korean and Mathematics in school, but his mother wants him to know his own native language too, so she coaches him in Chinese herself.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Baekhyunnie!”

 

Yixing perks up at the sight of the little fairy. He grins at Yixing, pushing his long fringe out of his eyes. Yixing likes his hair. It’s fiery-red. He wears forest-green tunic and leggings, with a matching pointy hat and shoes that curl at the toes. The fairy lands lightly on the table, peering at Yixing’s book curiously.

 

“What’s this?”

 

“ _Yi_! That’s Chinese for one.”

 

“It’s just a line across the box. What about this one?”

 

“ _Er_! It means two.”

 

“That’s just two lines.”

 

“But the top line must be shorter than the bottom line. Mama said so! See?”

 

“And this one? Wait, don’t tell me. It has three lines, so it means three?”

 

Yixing nods.

 

“It’s called _san_. The middle line is the shortest. The bottom line is the longest. Mama said so!”

 

“Boring.” Baekhyun makes a big show of yawning. “Let’s go play!”

 

“But I have to finish doing this page… ….”

 

Baekhyun tugs on Yixing’s hand insistently, pulling on Yixing’s fingers with his whole-body weight. He tugs once, twice, thrice, and then, bam! Yixing is pulled along, tugged forwards. He’s falling, spiralling and falling, until thump! He lands heavily on his bum. Baekhyun giggles as he helps Yixing up.

 

“There! You’re the right size now!” Baekhyun drapes an arm over Yixing’s shoulder. “You should be this size all the time!”

 

“But if I’m this size all the time, Mama won’t be able to find me.”

 

“Now, let’s play!”

 

Baekhyun flutters his wings excitedly. He rises effortlessly into the air, landing on window ledge above. He leans down an offers his hand to Yixing. Standing on tiptoe, Yixing reaches for it. Their fingers meet. Yixing is pulled upwards, and he uses his feet to scale against the wall. Soon, he is scrambling over the edge. Together, they slip out of the open window.

 

It’s another precarious climb down the drainpipe before they reach ground level. They slip through the overgrown grass growing in Yixing’s garden. Baekhyun darts through nimbly, while Yixing picks his way carefully, trying his best to keep up. A huge fallen leaf blocks his way, so Yixing has to get on his hands and knees to crawl under. When he navigates past it at last, he spots Baekhyun already standing at the hole in the wire fence that is their escape route to the outside world.

 

One after another, they crawl through. They are now out of the grounds of Yixing’s house. Yixing swallows a mouthful of guilt. He knows he’s not supposed to leave the house without his mother’s permission, but since he is with Baekhyun, Yixing supposes that everything should be all right. Baekhyun would protect him.

 

They are in the forest just behind Yixing’s house. Everything looms larger here. The air here is still and heavy. Yixing has to use his short little legs and hands to scramble over fallen leaves, stones and damp soil, all of which Baekhyun just flutters effortlessly over.

 

“Come, Yixing! I found a patch full of ripe strawberries yesterday! We must go quickly, before the birds eat them all!”

 

Excitement bubbles up within Yixing as he follows Baekhyun deeper into the forest. A large sprig of bluebells blocks his way. They hang right over Yixing. Yixing pauses, stopping to admire the dark blue bell-shaped flowers, the long powdery tips that stick out from the middle. Baekhyun turns back, wondering why Yixing isn’t following him. When he sees what Yixing is looking at, he flutters up and plucks a single bluebell for Yixing. The bluebell is large in Yixing’s hands, as if he is holding a big lantern. Yixing has barely held the bluebell in his hands for two seconds when the grass on Yixing’s left rustles strongly. A humongous grasshopper bursts out, as vividly green as the grass he has just emerged from, and proceeds to rob the bluebell right out of Yixing’s hands.

 

“Stop!” cries Yixing.

 

He tries to chase after the grasshopper, but it has already bounded away, swallowed up by the depths of the forest.

 

Dismay wells up in Yixing. But before he can say or do anything, he hears Baekhyun’s bright tinkling laughter coming from behind him. Baekhyun’s laughter is infectious, and Yixing finds himself laughing along too.

 

“Come, Yixing! The strawberries!”

 

Baekhyun grabs Yixing’s hand, and he leads Yixing in a sprint through the dense forest foliage until they burst into an open clearing.

 

“Look, Yixing. Over there!”

 

And Yixing can see them. Big, fat, juicy, red strawberries, sprouting from a big patch of bright green stems and leaves. Baekhyun hovers above the strawberry patch for a while, before eventually deciding on one. Grabbing it around the middle, he pulls with his entire body weight. Yixing rushes over to help. They heave and heave and heave, and plop! The strawberry suddenly detaches from the stem, causing both of them to fall backwards on their bottoms. Laughing, they help each other up. They sit on either side of the huge strawberry to feast on it, using their hands to scoop up handfuls of the sweet red flesh.

 

A spray of dirt suddenly flies up into the air in front of Yixing. Yixing blinks. He must have imagined it. But then, another spray of dirt flies up into the air again. Then another. And another. As the clumps of dirt fly up into the air in huge arcs, the very ground before them shakes. Alarmed, Yixing turns to Baekhyun.

 

“Don’t worry,” says Baekhyun jovially. “It’s probably just one of the moles.”

 

As soon as Baekhyun says this, a nose pokes up into the air from the dirt, sniffing into the air. A furry head emerges from the hole. Sharp claws rest on the earth on either side.

 

“Molly Mole!” Baekhyun grins broadly. “Here for the strawberries?”

 

“Could smell them from all the way under.” Her voice is deep and gentle.

 

“We’ll pluck one for you. Come and help, Yixing!”

 

Yixing scrambles to feet to help Baekhyun, who already tugging at a huge one. They pull and pull and pull, and with a great heave-ho, the strawberry pops off. They carry it together over to Molly Mole, who thanks them gently.

 

“Any news from underground?” asks Baekhyun in between bites.

 

“Everyone’s been talking about the Blue Moon.”

 

“The Blue Moon?”

 

The effect that this statement has on Baekhyun is very visible. His eyes go very wide. His hand stops in mid-air, juice dripping from the strawberry flesh clutched in it.

 

“Yes,” Molly Mole says gently. “Some say that it has appeared at long last.”

 

“What’s the Blue Moon?” asks Yixing.

 

“It appears only very rarely. But when it does, they say the Blue Moon will grant a wish to those who manage to seek it,” explains Molly Mole.

 

A single thought creeps into Yixing’s mind, slowly and softly at first, then swells up to become bigger and bigger, until it fills up his entire being, so that Yixing cannot think of anything else.

 

“Baekyhun.”

 

There must be something in Yixing’s tone, because Baekhyun turns to him immediately, concerned.

 

“I want to find the Blue Moon.”

 

“Oh, Yixing.” Baekhyun’s wings flutter worriedly. “I only meant to bring you out to eat strawberries. What if your mother looks for you?”

 

“Baekhyun. Please. I need to find it. I have to.”

 

“It’s the wish you seek.” It is Molly Mole who speaks up, her voice deep and gentle. “You a have wish to ask of the Blue Moon.”

 

“Yes,” admits Yixing. “Will you help me?”

 

“The journey to find the Blue Moon will not be easy.” Molly Mole warns. “Are you sure you want to go?”

 

“I am sure.”

 

Yixing has never been more sure of anything.

 

“And you?” she turns to Baekhyun.

 

“I’ll go with Yixing. I can’t let him go on his own.”

 

“The Blue Moon will only show itself to those who truly seek it. If only Yixing truly seeks it and not you, neither of you will be able to find it.”

 

“Yixing truly wants to find the Blue Moon, and I truly want Yixing to find it. And so, I want to truly find it too!”

 

It takes Yixing a while, but when he figures out what Baekhyun says, he hugs Baekhyun tightly, and Baekhyun hugs back.

 

“Very well,” Molly Mole says, her voice as soft as a sigh on the wind. “Find the tree in the forest with leaves of stars. Follow the pathway of stars to the sky, then chase the rainbow to its end. Stay true to your quest, and it may be that you will find the bubbling brook that flows to the Blue Moon.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Yixing flings his arms around Molly Mole, burying his face into the thick warm fur.

 

“Brave Yixing and loyal Baekhyun. May the Blue Moon favour you.”

 

Molly Mole sinks back into the soil. Dirt flies all over, until everything settles down, and all is still once more.

 

“How do we find the tree with leaves of stars?”

 

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun’s wings flutter a little. “I have never seen such a tree before. Maybe it is in the Deep Forest.”

 

“The Deep Forest?”

 

“Yes, it’s the heart of this forest, the darkest, deepest part. All fairies know better than to go in there. They say it’s always dark there, and never light. All sorts of dark creatures live there.”

 

“What sort of creatures?”

 

“Trolls. Goblins. Werewolves.” Baekhyun whispers, as if saying this too loudly would make them appear. “Do you still want to go?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“All right. Let’s go then.”

 

Baekhyun slips his hand into Yixing’s. Hand in hand, they walk through the forest. The further they walk in, the darker it becomes. The trees overhead are so thick that hardly any sunlight comes through. The forest here doesn’t look woody or leafy, it looks grey. Baekhyun doesn’t flutter ahead, but instead walks next to Yixing, and Yixing is glad of Baekhyun’s hand in his.

 

A sudden, high-pitched cry fills the air.

 

Baekhyun jumps into Yixing’s arms. Yixing holds Baekhyun close, patting the fairy comfortingly, even though his own heartbeat is racing.

 

The sound starts again.

 

“Someone’s crying.” Yixing says, finally recognising the sound for what it is. “Come, Baekhyun. We should go and help.”

 

Yixing leads the way, holding the fairy by the hand. As they walk further up ahead, Yixing sees a large undergrowth of nettles up ahead. The nettles rustle violently, and the sound of someone crying and whining is coming out from within it.

 

With determination, Yixing picks his way across the ground, holding tight to Baekhyun’s hand. Fallen leaves scrunch under his feet. They reach the towering growth of nettles. Each stalk is taller than either Yixing or Baekhyun. Yixing pushes a couple of sprigs aside, and they come face to face with whatever that had been crying.

 

Baekhyun screams.

 

With a forceful jerk, Yixing is hoisted backwards, dragged upwards into the air slightly by Baekhyun for the length of a few footsteps, until he is simply too heavy, and Baekhyun is forced to drop him back onto the ground.

 

“It’s a werewolf! Yixing, we’ve got to run!”

 

Baekhyun grabs Yixing’s hand, but Yixing pulls away.

 

“He’s hurt,” Yixing says gently, trying to calm the nervous fairy. “He needs our help.”

 

Yixing slowly approaches the nettles, using his own body to shield Baekhyun. Baekhyun follows nervously behind. Yixing pushes away some sprigs, until he comes face to face with the werewolf again. His fur is mostly grey, but there are some parts that fade slowly from grey to white. His fur is all standing up, and it looks soft. At Yixing’s current size he looks big, but Yixing knows if he were his normal size, the werewolf before him would only be the size of a puppy. His ears are big and pointy, and his eyes large and baleful. He looks straight at Yixing, before throwing his head back and letting out another loud wail. Big fat tears leak out of its eyes, rolling down his furry cheeks.

 

“He’s just a pup,” Yixing tells Baekhyun, whose wings are still fluttering agitatedly.

 

“Are you alright?” Yixing asks the werewolf pup.

 

“My tail… …” the werewolf pup sobs.

 

Yixing steps over to see, wincing as the nettles sting him. Then he sees what the werewolf pup is talking about. His tail is trapped underneath a rock. Yixing’s heart goes out to it. It must hurt a lot.

 

“I was going for a run in the forest when I accidentally ran into that pile of rocks.” The werewolf pup nods to a cluster of rocks covering an earthy outcrop to their right. “Some of the rocks fell, and one of them fell on my tail. And now I’m stuck!”

 

The werewolf pup struggles, but the rock is too heavy. With each struggle, the rock wobbles and squashes onto the tail even more. The werewolf pup cries out in pain again.

 

“Don’t,” says Yixing gently. “It’ll hurt worse.”

 

“Yixing, let’s try to lift it up!”

 

Yixing takes one side and Baekhyun takes another. Together, they lift upwards. They succeed, and the rock lifts upwards by just a smidge. But in the next moment, it’s simply too heavy and the rock crashes back down.

 

“Ouch!”

 

“Sorry!”

 

Baekhyun quickly flutters to the werewolf pup. He hugs the werewolf pup around the neck, trying to soothe the tearful creature as fresh tears roll down his cheeks.

 

Yixing looks around, walking around the perimeter of the nettle bush. There’s a big oak tree overhead. There are a number of fallen branches and acorns littering the ground. Yixing selects a long, sturdy looking branch. Then, he chooses a small stone. He puts the stone near the rock. He pokes one end of the stick under the rock, while balancing the stick on the small stone. The other end is sticking up into the air. Yixing has made a lever.

 

“Baekhyun, come help!”

 

Together, they reach for the top of the stick and then pull down with all their might. The stick at their end moves downwards, while the stick at the other end moves upwards, lifting the rock upwards as it does. Quick as an arrow, the werewolf pup darts forward. Yixing and Baekhyun let go of the stick, and the rock thuds back down on the ground. But this time, it’s just bare ground that it lands on.

 

“Thank you!” says the werewolf pup, nuzzling both Baekhyun and Yixing.

 

“I’m Baekhyun, and he’s Yixing! What’s your name?”

 

“Chanyeol,” sniffs the still tearful werewolf pup.

 

Yixing inspects the werewolf pup’s tail. It is raw and red, blood oozing out from deep cuts. Kneeling down next to the werewolf pup, Yixing holds out his hands to it. Yixing does not know why he does so, but it just feels like the right thing to do. Warm golden light spills out from Yixing’s hands. Slowly, Yixing moves his hands over the werewolf pup’s tail, bathing the wounds in the warm golden light. The flesh closes up before their very eyes. Skin and bones knit back together. Fur regrows in soft tuffs, until the tail is unblemished and whole.

 

“Yixing, how did you do that?” asks Baekhyun in awe.

 

“I don’t know. I just didn’t want Chanyeol to be in pain anymore.”

 

“You’re amazing!”

 

The werewolf pup prances around, furiously wagging his newly-healed tail. Both Baekhyun and Yixing are assaulted by a barrage of wet licks. Yixing squirms, trying to get away, but then he hears Baekhyun giggling, and then Yixing starts giggling too.

 

“We are looking for a tree with leaves of stars.” Baekhyun tells Chanyeol. “Do you know where it is?”

 

“Yes! I know where the Tree of Stars is!” Chanyeol is bouncing and leaping about, his tail wagging furiously. “It’s right in the middle of the Deep Forest. I can bring you there!”

 

Chanyeol crouches down, allowing Yixing to climb up on his back. Yixing sits at the juncture just behind Chaneyol’s neck as the werewolf pup bounds through the woods. Baekhyun flutters along beside them. Trees and shrubs whizz pass them as Chanyeol carries them at a very fast speed. Chanyeol is a fast runner.  

 

Because of the darkness of the forest, they can spot the tree shining from a distance. The tree is large and sprawling, towering over all the other trees. Its trunk is ancient and knotted, gnarled and twisting. The foliage of the tree is lush and full, and each leaf of this tree shines silver, as if millions of stars hang upon the tree.  

 

Chanyeol skids to a stop. Yixing slides off his back. The base of the trunk is littered with fallen leaves. Yixing picks one up. It’s shaped like a maple leaf. The entire leaf shines silver, from the base of its stem, to the veins that run through it, to the blades of the leaf.  

 

They circle around the base of the tree, gawking at the towering trunk that seems to reach up to sky itself, stepping over fallen silver leaves and climbing over roots that are taller than their heads.

 

Chanyeol cocks his head to the side, his large left ear straight up into the air and twitching.

 

“Someone is crying.”

 

Yixing and Baekhyun stop and listen, but they don’t hear anything.

 

“Over there!” Chanyeol insists, leading the way as he pads silently over the ground, Yixing and Baekhyun following in his heels.

 

Chanyeol comes to a stop. Both Yixing and Baekhyun can hear the crying now. It’s a soft hooting sort of crying, and it seems to be coming from the middle of a pile of fallen silver leaves. Whatever is in the pile of leaves senses Chanyeol’s presence, and it’s crying becomes more intense. The pile of leaves vibrates violently as whatever is inside trembles with fear.

 

“It’s alright!” Baekhyun flutters over, enveloping the pile of leaves in a hug. “Chanyeol won’t hurt you.”

 

“But… … he’s… …. he’s a werewolf!” a small, soft voice hoots tearfully in reply.

 

“Yes, but he is a nice werewolf! Aren’t you, Chanyeol?”

 

“The very nicest werewolf ever!”

 

Chanyeol bounds over, tail wagging furiously. He noses away at the pile, sending fallen silver leaves scattering everywhere, until what looks like a small feathery ball appears. It’s roughly the size of a tennis ball. The feathers are so small and fine, they look more like fur. The feathers are white, with brownish tips. Large black round eyes, ringed in yellow, stare unblinkingly above a small hooked beak.

 

“You’re so cute!” Chanyeol exclaims.

 

Chanyeol enthusiastically starts licking the feathery ball, long wet licks that start right from the bottom and last all the way to the top.

 

“Owww!” squeals the feathery ball. His eyes well up in tears.

 

“Chanyeol, stop,” says Baekhyun. “His wing is hurt. Yixing, come and take a look!”

 

Yixing kneels down next to the baby bird. Baekhyun is gently cradling his wing, which is jutting out at an odd angle.

 

“What you did with Chanyeol’s tail just now, could you do it again?”

 

“I don’t know. But I could try.”

 

Yixing holds his hands over the injured wing. He remembers how he felt when he was healing Chanyeol. It’s like a strong wish that overcomes him, that fills up his entire being. He just wants the little feathery ball to stop hurting, and at this thought, warm golden light spills from his hands, bathing the wing in its glow. Before their eyes, the wing straightens out, relocating back to the correct position.

 

The baby bird stretches out his wings, flapping them up and down experimentally.

 

“My wing is all right now!” The baby bird jumps up and down in joy, hooting softly.

 

He looks so cute that Chanyeol can’t resist attacking him with another series of wet licks, while Baekhyun rubs him on the head affectionately.

 

“What’s your name? I’m Baekhyun, he’s Yixing, and the werewolf pup is Chanyeol.”

 

“I’m Jongin,” hoots the baby bird.

 

“Jongin, how did you get hurt?” asks Yixing.

 

Jongin face falls.

 

“Mama went out hunting. Mama told me to be good and stay inside the nest. But I missed Mama so much, so I kept trying to jump up onto the side of the nest to peek over it. I just wanted to see if I could spot Mama flying home. But then I fell, and I broke my wing.”

 

“Yixing healed my tail too!” Chanyeol bounces around, wagging his tail furiously to demonstrate how well it has healed.

 

“Where’s your nest?” asks Yixing.

 

“Up in the tree.” Jongin points his wings upwards. They all squint upwards, but aside from the massive trunk, gnarled jumbled mess of branches and dense silvery foliage, they can’t see anything.

 

“How do I get back?” asks Jongin.

 

His eyes are starting to fill up again.

 

“Can you try flying up?”

 

Baekhyun demonstrates, fluttering his wings. He rises effortlessly into the air.

 

Jongin flaps his wings up and down, but unlike Baekhyun, he doesn’t rise in the air at all.

 

“I can’t fly yet.” Jongin says, tears brimming. “Mama says I will be able to when I am grown up. But I’m not grown up yet.”

 

“It’s all right,” says Baekhyun. “When I was a baby fairy, I couldn’t fly too.”

 

“We’ll carry you up,” says Yixing.

 

Jongin looks at Yixing, eyes wide.

 

“Really? But it’s a long way up.”

 

Yixing takes off his jacket. He uses it to fashion a sort-of sling. Carefully, he places Jongin into it. Then he ties the arms of the jacket securely around his chest, so that Jongin is strapped to his back.

 

“Will this be all right?” asks Baekhyun, his wings fluttering worriedly. “It’s a long climb up. We could take turns to carry Jongin.”

 

“It’s fine. You wouldn’t be able to strap Jongin to your back because of your wings. It’s all right, I can carry Jongin all the way up to his nest.”

 

They make their way to the base of the tree trunk. Yixing turns to Chanyeol. With his four paws, Chanyeol won’t be able to climb the tree.

 

“Since you are a werewolf, are you able to shapeshift into human form?”

 

“Not yet,” Chanyeol looks sad to be left behind. “I won’t be able to do that for a few more years, not until I’m older.”

 

“Do you have to go home?”

 

“Yes,” Chanyeol shifts on his paws. “I was only supposed to go out for a short run near my den. Papa and Mama will be looking for me.”

 

Baekhyun hugs the werewolf pup around his neck.

 

“Take care now. Don’t let any more rocks fall on your tail!”

 

Chanyeol nuzzles both Yixing and Baekhyun, and gives Jongin a long, wet lick.

 

“Goodbye, Chanyeollie,” Yixing says softly.

 

They wave goodbye to Chanyeol, watching the werewolf pup run off and disappear into the distance, swallowed up by the forest.

 

The tree trunk before them towers up into the sky, like a sheer brown-ridged cliff. With Jongin strapped to his back, Yixing holds on to a groove in each hand. Putting one foot inside a ridge, Yixing uses his other foot to find a higher purchase, and in this fashion, hoists himself further up the trunk.

 

As Yixing climbs, Baekhyun flutters in the air next to him, following Yixing’s speed. Yixing is aware that if Baekhyun had been on his own, he would have flown up the tree at a much faster speed, but he is a loyal friend, and he stays by Yixing’s side throughout, ever ready to stretch out a steadying hand if Yixing misses a step.

 

Yixing is drenched in sweat. His lungs are screaming. His legs are burning, and so are his arms. His throat is parched, and he draws in huge shuddering breaths. Jongin seems to get heavier and heavier by the minute.

 

“We’re reaching the first branch,” says Baekhyun. “We can stop and rest a while.”

 

Yixing gratefully hauls himself onto the branch. He stretches out on it, enjoying the relief from the screaming pain in his legs. Baekhyun helps to untie Jongin from the sling. The baby bird jumps out from the jacket to perch on the branch. Yixing stares. He knows it’s illogical, but he cannot help the feeling that somehow, Jongin has grown. On the ground, Jongin was a small feathery ball. On the branch, his head is still soft and feathery and round, but his body is more oval looking. His feathers seem whiter, starting to shed the brownish tips. Yixing shakes his head. He must be imagining things.

 

“My nest is not too far,” hoots Jongin softly. Even his voice has changed slightly. It’s still a kid’s voice, but it’s not a baby’s voice anymore. “Just a few more branches up.”

 

Yixing stares up the tree. Because of the hugeness of the tree, the space in between branches are large. Only a few more branches up, but it is still a long climb ahead. Yixing takes a deep breath and steels himself. He can do this.

 

With Baekhyun’s help, he straps Jongin to his back again. Yixing thought that the rest had re-energized him, but before long, Yixing’s muscles are screaming again. Ignoring the pain, Yixing pushes on, hauling himself up on step at a time.

 

“My nest is just up ahead,” hoots Jongin softly.

 

Yixing can indeed see a mess of twigs woven together, nestled in midst of the branches above. It’s within sight, and this spurs Yixing on. He’s almost there. He can do this. He can see Jongin home.

 

Yixing is almost there, when his foot slips. He had stepped into a crevice, and was going to use as a foothold to step upwards, but when he exerted force, the wood splintered under his foot and for a few heart-stopping moments, he slides down, hugging onto the trunk for dear life, the friction burning him. Baekhyun flutters over. Flying above Yixing, he holds onto the back of Yixing’s shirt, his wings beating furiously, until Yixing’s descent skids to a stop. Yixing hangs onto the trunk, trying to catch his breath, trying to get his heart beat to slow down to normal. Behind him, Yixing can feel Jongin squirming.

 

“What’s the matter, Jongin?” asks Yixing. “Stay put. You’ll fall out. Wait, don’t… …”

  
But it’s too late. Yixing feels the unmistaken lightening of load that tells him that Jongin has squirmed out of the jacket sling, and right out into what can only be empty air.

 

“Jongin!” Yixing cries out in alarm.

 

He whips his head around, expecting to see the baby bird plummeting through air, but instead he sees a beautiful snowy white owl spreading his wings.

 

“Jongin! You can fly!” Baekhyun flutters around Jongin, darting this way and that.

 

Jongin is a striking sight, a brilliant white that stands out in the darkness. Unlike Baekhyun whose wings flutter endlessly, Jongin spreads his wings and simply glides, allowing the air currents to carry him. He soars upwards, graceful and effortless, towards his nest, and Yixing watches in awe. Jongin folds his wings and lands neatly perched at the edge of the nest. He looks majestic. His head is smooth and round, with bright yellow eyes that seem to pierce right through Yixing. His wings are folded to one side, flowing downwards and tapering towards his tail. His plumage is beautiful and rich, dotted with spots of black amongst the white.

 

“You’re fully grown!” gushes Baekhyun, landing to stand next to him in the nest.

 

“Not yet,” hoots Jongin. “I’m not fully grown like Mama is just yet. I’m still a young juvenile owl.”

 

He leaps off his branch, wings spread. He swoops towards Yixing, elegant and silent.

 

“Get on my back.”

 

Yixing takes a deep breath. It’s scary, to let go of the tree trunk that he has been hanging onto for dear life, but he does. He lands on the feathery softness of Jongin’s back. Jongin flaps his wings, once, twice, and they are soaring upwards, circling the trunk of the tree effortlessly towards Baekhyun. Baekhyun flies towards them, and lands on Jongin’s back next to Yixing. Side by side, they sit on Jongin’s back. The wind blows into their faces as they rise effortlessly up and up the tree, cold and refreshing.

 

“How did you grow up so fast?” asks Baekhyun.

 

“Who defines the passing of age? Age is but a concept of man,” answers Jongin.

 

“Did we make you grow up before you actually should?” asks Yixing. “I’m sorry.”

 

“All children grow up in their own time, based on their personality and their circumstances. It has naught to do with you. Do not blame yourself.”

 

Jongin steadily circles up the tree. They swoop over and under branches, above leaves and under them. Wind whips into Yixing’s face, blowing away all the sweat and the fatigue of the climb. As they go higher and higher, it becomes brighter and brighter, until they burst through the tree cover. The forest had been so dark because of the dense tree cover, but up here, in the sky, Yixing sees that the day has actually been bright. The sky is clear and blue as far as the eye can see, dotted by puffy white clouds. Even under the bright sunshine, the slivery shine of the tree is still beautiful. The leaves shine and sparkle, reflecting the sunlight, as if there were millions of smaller stars within its star-shaped leaves.

 

As they approach the top, Yixing can see a magnificent rainbow. It starts right from the very top of the tree, a beautiful arc that stretches out so far out into the distance that neither Yixing nor Baekhyun can see the end of it.

 

“Jump.”

 

“What?”

 

The thought of jumping off right now is terrifying.

 

“My journey with you ends here,” said Jongin gently. “You carried me when I was young and weak, and I have carried you when you had no more strength. Now, it is time for you to go on your own journey again.”

 

“What would happen to me if I jump? What if I fall?”

 

“Take a leap of faith, and believe. But if you never take this step, you will never know what it is like to chase your dreams.”

 

“Let’s do it.” Yixing decides. “On the count of three.”

 

Next to him, the little fairy is pale, but he nods anyway, ready to be by Yixing’s side no matter what.

 

“One. Two. Three!”

 

Together, they jump. The feeling of free-falling through air is heart-stopping. Their clothes and their hair are whipped upwards by the wind.

 

Boing! They both land on the rainbow. The rainbow feels like it’s made of jelly. It’s soft and bouncy, and also extremely slippery. Both Yixing and Baekhyun slide down the rainbow without any control at all.

 

“Goodbye Jongin!” calls out Baekhyun. “Thank you!”

 

Yixing looks up and sees the snowy owl, full grown and majestic, circling the air above them. Yixing waves to him as best as he can, seeing that he doesn’t really have full control of his limbs. Yixing tries his best to stay within the centre of the rainbow and not slide off the edge, but it is hard work, especially since he and Baekhyun keep bumping into each other. They slide all the way down the rainbow, across the broad expanse of the sky, past the forest below, leaving Yixing’s hometown far behind as the slide over mountains and valleys, rivers and seas.

 

“Watch out Yixing! We’re reaching the end!” shouts Baekhyun.

 

Indeed the fall is steeper now, and Yixing is finding it harder and harder to control his movements. He rolls down and down, and then thump! It is grass that he is rolling on. Momentum brings Yixing rolling over the grass for a long time before he finally stops. He is lying on his back, winded, trying to catch his breath, when Baekhyun collides into him. Yixing hugs the laughing fairy close to him.

 

“That was so fun! Let’s do it again!”

 

Baekhyun springs easily to his feet, then helps Yixing to stand up too. They are in a pretty green meadow, lush grass dotted with merry yellow daisies far as the eye can see. At the centre of the meadow is the end of the rainbow, where Yixing and Baekhyun had just rolled down from.

 

“So this is where the rainbow ends!” said Baekhyun. “I’ve always wondered.”

 

Baekhyun suddenly spots something.

 

“Hey, look over here!”

 

Baekhyun grabs Yixing’s hand, practically dragging Yixing in his excitement. At the foot of the rainbow is a pot, filled to the brim with gold coins. Baekhyun picks up a coin and bites into it, testing it.

 

“It’s real gold!” Baekhyun’s wings flutters faster than a hummingbird. “Yixing, we’re rich!”

 

“The gold is not ours,” Yixing reminds Baekhyun gently. “Whoever put it here might come looking for it.”

 

Baekhyun pouts, but nevertheless, he puts down the gold coin back into the pot.

 

“Who goes there?”

 

Yixing nearly jumps out of his skin. Baekhyun ducks behind Yixing, his wings fluttering.

 

A bearded, wrinkly old man, the same size as Yixing and Baekhyun, comes out from behind the rainbow. He’s wearing a green top hat, a green jacket, green pants, and a white shirt underneath a gold vest.

 

“Who are you?” asks Yixing.

 

“I’m a leprechaun,” replies the wrinkly old man.

 

“Does the gold belong to you?” asks Baekhyun.

 

The old man chuckles. He stretches out his palm, and before their very eyes, gold coins appear on it. He allows them to clatter on the ground carelessly. Yixing supposes if he could make gold coins appear in the palm of his hand anytime he wanted, he wouldn’t care if he dropped some on the ground either.

 

“You have found the end of the rainbow. Your quest is done. Claim your pot of gold and go.”

 

“No,” says Yixing. “Finding the end of the rainbow is not my quest. My quest is to find the Blue Moon.”

 

“The Blue Moon? Never heard of something so ridiculous,” scoffs the leprechaun. “What’s the use of a moon that is blue? Give me gold any day.”

 

He scoops up a handful of gold coins from the pot, and lets the coins slip through his fingers to clatter back into pot. The sound of gold hitting gold rings out, sweet to the ears. The gold glitters in the sun. Tempting, tempting and tempting.  

 

But Yixing is unmoved.

 

“We don’t want gold. We want to know where we can find the Blue Moon. If you know where the Blue Moon is, could you point us in the correct direction? We were supposed to find a bubbling brook… …”

 

“Only fools don’t want gold,” scoffs the leprechaun. “Think of all the things you can buy.”

 

“We would like to see the Blue Moon Goddess.”

 

“Aren’t you ashamed of wearing your ratty old uniform to school every day? Nothing you own is new. You carry Junmyeon’s old school bag, your pencil case is the used one your mother’s friend’s son doesn’t want anymore. You got all your school books from a donation drive for needy pupils. If you take the gold, imagine what it would be like to go to school with a brand-new set of uniform, a new bag, new books, new stationery and new shoes.”

 

“Please, could you tell us where the Blue Moon is?”

 

“You can buy gifts for yourself too.  Like the new bicycle your classmate Jonggook keeps showing off. The tops that all the boys in your class keep playing with. You can buy your own top, and finally get to join in when they play.”

 

“Please, sir. I only want to know how to find the Blue Moon Goddess.”

 

“Fine, fine, fine!” grumbles the leprechaun. “Go down that way. At the end of the meadow, you will see the foot of a hill. Under the hill is an entrance to a cave. Go into it and you will find a bubbling brook. Follow the brook and it will bring you to the lagoon of the Blue Moon Goddess.”

 

“Thank you!” says Yixing, flinging his arms around the neck of the grumpy leprechaun.

 

On the other side of the leprechaun, Baekhyun does the same, the two of them smothering the struggling leprechaun in a hug. When they let go, Yixing can see the leprechaun is doing his best to still try to look grumpy, but is in fact, rather pleased.

 

“Bye, Mr Leprechaun!”

 

Baekhyun waves a jaunty goodbye to the leprechaun and Yixing follows his example. Yixing picks his way across the grass while Baekhyun flutters on slightly ahead, scouting the way for Yixing.

 

“Yixing, over here!”

 

Baekhyun is standing at the entrance of the cave, his wings fluttering with excitement. The cave looks dark. They enter hand in hand, walking carefully. The air in the cave is cool and still. As they walk in, it becomes darker and darker, but the way is still well-lit, from the dozens of glittering gemstones that are embedded in the wall.

 

“Whoa,” says Baekhyun, amazed.

 

“Do you hear that?” asks Yixing. “The sound of flowing water.”

 

Both Yixing and Baekhyun fall silent, listening intently. It’s faint, but there it is, the sound of water. The follow the sound until they encounter the bubbling brook. It’s a pretty sight, its clear flowing water reflecting the light of the gemstones embedded in the wall of the cave. They follow the flow of the running water, going deeper and deeper into the cave.

 

The narrow tunnel that they have been walking through suddenly widens, and it’s like it opens into a whole new world. A large underground lake stretches across the expanse of the cave, its water of the purest and deepest blue. Clearly, shining in the reflection of the water, both Yixing and Baekhyun can see the reflection of the moon shimmering on the lake surface. It’s not the usual white-coloured moon, but a blue-coloured one. The waters of the lake are dark blue, and the moon shines a light topaz blue, beautiful and shimmery, a sharp contract against the dark blue waters. Yixing looks up. There is no sign of any moon hanging on the roof of the cave at all. Yet, when he looks down, the reflection of the Blue Moon is right there.

 

Reverently, Yixing and Baekhyun approach the edge of the lake.

 

“Blue Moon Goddess!” Baekhyun calls out.

 

The reflection of the Blue Moon shimmers. It bubbles upwards, like a silent watery volcanic eruption. Eventually, the bubbling settles down in the form of a shimmery lady standing on the surface of the lake. She’s not solid, but seems to be as insubstantial as air or water. Blue from head to toe, she’s pale and fair. Long flowing hair cascades down her back. Yixing thinks he has never seen anyone so beautiful in his entire life.

 

Baekhyun bows politely, and Yixing follows his example.

 

“Brave Yixing and loyal Baekhyun, seekers of the Blue Moon. You have come a long way, and you have found me. State your wish.”

 

“Goddess, please… ….”

 

Yixing’s throat is dry. His voice is just a mere whisper, yet it carries clearly through the silent cave.

 

“Goddess, please. Let me grow up quickly, so that I can earn money and take care of my mother.”

 

The Blue Moon Goddess smiles kindly.

 

“Your wish is granted, brave Yixing. It will come to pass.”

 

A heavy stone that had been weighing upon Yixing’s heart seems lift. Yixing does not know why, the Blue Moon Goddess has granted his wish, so he should be happy, but tears well up in his eyes and would not stop rolling down his cheeks.

 

“What about you, loyal Baekhyun? What is your wish?”

 

“My wish is for Yixing’s wish to come true.”

 

Surprised, Yixing turns to look at Baekhyun.

 

The Blue Moon Goddess smiles.

 

“Loyal Baekhyun, Yixing’s wish is already granted. Don’t waste your wish so. Make another one.”

 

Baekhyun thinks for a while.

 

“Then, in that case, I’ll save this wish for Yixing’s next wish. My wish is for Yixing’s next wish to be granted too!”

 

“Loyal Baekhyun, your wish is granted. It will come to pass.”

 

Baekhyun smiles warmly at Yixing. Yixing put his arms around Baekhyun, engulfing him in a hug.

 

“Brave Yixing and loyal Baekhyun. The two of you have travelled a long way, and it is time to go home. Close your eyes.”

 

Hand in hand, Yixing and Baekhyun do as the Goddess instructed. A light wind begins to blow. It seems to Yixing that they had not moved at all, but even before he opens his eyes, he can already sense from the change in the air, the sunlight on his skin, that they are no longer in the cave. Indeed, when he opens his eyes, he is standing with Baekhyun outside his house, where the hole in the metal wire fence is.

 

“We did it!” Baekhyun flings his arms around Yixing, and Yixing hugs back tightly. “We found the Blue Moon Goddess!”

 

“Yixing,” Baekhyun says after they’ve broken the hug, his small face uncharacteristically serious. “Will you forget me after you’ve grown up?”

 

“No,” promises Yixing solemnly. “I will never forget you.”

 

Together, they climb back up the drainpipe, through the open window, and back to Yixing’s study table. By the time the bedroom door opens again and Yixing’s parents enter the living room, Yixing is back to his normal size, pencil in hand, doing his Chinese practice, and Baekhyun is back to being a wooden doll. He tends to do that when there are adults around. He is sitting on a pile of Yixing’s school books, watching Yixing as he does his work.

 

“Mama?”

 

His mother is screaming and crying, chasing after his father, tugging and dragging. His father is completely ignoring her, his eyes fixated on the fistful of dollar notes in his hand as he counts them.

 

“My money! Give me back my money!”

 

Yixing’s mother has a crazed look about her. His father shoves her to floor. Yixing runs over in alarm. But before Yixing can reach her to help her up, she has already launched herself back at her husband, grabbing him around the legs.

 

“At least leave me with the money in the envelope. The envelope is meant for Yixing. He has to hand it in to his teacher tomorrow. It’s the money for his class field trip to the zoo. I didn’t eat dinner last night to set that money aside for Yixing.”

 

Yixing’s father kicks her in the stomach. She doubles up in the floor in pain, and Yixing crouches down next to her, holding her, putting himself in between her and his father. But by this time, Yixing’s father is already out of the house.

 

Yixing mother is sobbing uncontrollably, and Yixing hugs her to him.

 

“It’s alright, Mama. I don’t want to go to the zoo.”

 

“But Yixing, you were looking forward to it so much.”

 

That had been before. But now, with his mother crying his arms, Yixing has never felt less like going to the zoo. He has never been to the zoo before, doesn’t know what it is like, and it’s all right if he never knows. He just wants his mother to stop crying.

 

“It’s alright. My friend, Siwon, isn’t going to the zoo either. He’s been to the zoo before, and he says it’s really smelly, so he doesn’t want to go. My teacher says he will stay with the class next door tomorrow when our class goes to the zoo. I’ll just stay with him. It will be fine.”

 

Yixing’s words seem to calm his mother down, and Yixing is glad. She hugs Yixing tightly.

 

“My son. My poor son.”

 

Yixing tries to brush her tears away. To his alarm, he notices a couple of bruises on her face. They hadn’t been there earlier, before his mother had gone into the bedroom with his father. Yixing wishes, but the magical healing ability doesn’t come to him. Golden light doesn’t spill from his hands, and the bruises stay on his mother’s face.

 

“Mama, I’ll grow up soon. I will earn money and take care of you. Mama won’t have to worry about money then.”

 

Yixing knows that what he just promised his mother will come true, because the Blue Moon Goddess had said that it was so.

 

He had made the wish once upon a blue moon.

 

Yixing would just have to wait.

 

It will come to pass one day.

 

He just has to be patient.

 

 

 Thank you, dear[ SearingBlaze000](https://www.deviantart.com/searingblaze000/gallery) for doing this wonderful piece of art based on this chapter!


	6. Jongdae (Bundle of Joy)

Yixing selects his husband’s number on his handphone screen and presses the call button. It only rings twice before his husband picks up.

 

“I’ll be home late… …” Yixing starts once he sees his husband’s face on the screen.

 

“Baba!”

 

His husband passes the handphone to their son, who seems to have been grabbing for it. Their son’s big eyes, round cheeks and fluffy hair comes into view on the screen, and Yixing can’t help smiling.

 

“Jongdae-ah,” says Yixing.

 

“Tell Baba to come home,” instructs Yixing’s husband in the background.

 

“I don’t like Baba!” Jongdae declares instead, giggling cutely as he says this.

 

“You what?”

 

“I don’t like Baba!” Jongdae repeats happily.

 

“You don’t like me?”

 

“I don’t like Baba!”

 

Jongdae just had to confirm it for the third time. In the background, Yixing can clearly hear his husband laughing. He’s enjoying Yixing’s distress way too much. He takes back the handphone from their son.

 

“I’ll be home late tonight,” Yixing tells him. “Our research hit a clink. I’m getting the whole team to work overtime tonight.”

 

“Don’t forget to eat dinner and don’t come home too late. You need to rest too.”

 

“I will. Love you.”

 

“Love you.”

 

As Yixing ends the call, he can hear Jongdae declaring in the background to his husband, “I love Appa!”

 

Yixing sighs. Biologically, Jongdae is his son. When they had gotten a surrogate to carry their child, Yixing and his husband had made the deliberate choice to mix up their sperms in the test tube, so it would be a fifty-fifty chance for either one of them to be the biological father. After Jongdae was born, they did a DNA test, and it was revealed that Yixing is the one who is Jongdae’s biological father.

 

Despite this, right from the get go, Jongdae has always preferred Yixing’s husband over Yixing. Yixing understands why. Consumed with work, Yixing has been absent far too much from Jongdae’s life. On the other hand, Yixing’s husband used to be a top model, but he quit his job to take care of Jongdae full time. Yixing has never expected to be able to compete with his husband when it comes to Jongdae’s affections, but nevertheless, the fact that Jongdae would declare outright that he doesn’t like him comes as a blow to Yixing. Perhaps it is time to do something to get closer to Jongdae, before it gets too late.

 

By the time Yixing gets home, it’s past midnight. The house is dark and quiet, save for the night lights that his husband had left on for him. He opens his bedroom door quietly and smiles at the sight of not one, but two lumps on the bed. He leans over to kiss the forehead of first the little lump, then the big one. Yixing tries his best to be gentle, but the big lump still stirs in his sleep.

 

“Lay hyung. You’re back.”

 

“Hyung is back.” Yixing confirms, smoothing back his husband’s hair, enjoying the way the soft strands fold backwards under the palm of his hand, only to spring back upwards once his hand has passed. “I’m sorry to have missed eating dinner at home again.”

 

“It’s all right. Have you eaten? I can get up and cook ramen for you.”

 

“I’ve eaten.” Actually Yixing had just eaten a few biscuits, but his husband didn’t need to know that. “I see Jongdae has made his way into our bed again.”

 

“I put him to sleep in his own bed. But he woke up and crawled into ours.”

 

Yixing smiles. Jongdae has been doing that a lot lately.

 

“Lay hyung, could you carry Jongdae back into his own bed?”

 

Yixing raises an eyebrow. Usually when Jongdae climbs into their bed, they let Jongdae sleep with them all through the night. If his husband wants Yixing to carry Jongdae back to his own bedroom, it can only mean one thing.

 

Yixing gently gathers Jongdae into his arms. The little boy doesn’t even stir. Yixing slowly lowers the deadweight in his arms into his car-shaped bed, careful to rest his head comfortably on the pillow. He pulls the covers over his son and tucks Jongdae’s favourite rabbit plushie next to him.

 

Yixing returns to his own bedroom, closing and locking the door quietly, before stripping himself of his clothing with quick efficiency. He quietly slides open the bedside drawer to take out the lube. Then, he gently lifts up the comforter to reveal his sleeping husband.

 

“Cold,” his husband whines.

 

“You’ll be warm very soon,” assures Yixing as he peels away his husband’s pyjamas bottoms and spreads his legs.

 

“Cold!” his husband insists, pouting.

 

Chuckling, Yixing kisses his husband’s pouty lower lip, then gets up to the closet to get his husband a woollen pullover. He gently tugs it over his husband, no easy feat because his half-sleeping husband isn’t helping very much. When he does finally get his husband in the pullover, his husband sighs in content, so Yixing supposes it was all worth it. Of course, the lower half of his husband’s body is still bare and exposed to the cold, but Yixing surmises that there’s nothing he can do about that.

 

Yixing coats a finger in lube and gently teases it up his husband’s entrance. It’s tight, and Yixing has to coax it in. His husband mews and arcs his back at the intrusion, and the sight of it is breathtakingly beautiful. Yixing strokes his husband to hardness, then thrusts in deep, as far in as he can go. His husband moans and throws back his head back further into the pillow, exposing the long curve of his neck. Yixing smiles. His husband is usually eager and mischievous in bed, and Yixing loves it, but seeing his husband like this, all compliant and kittenish while Yixing plunders him, is beautiful in a whole new different way.

 

The next day, Yixing wakes up to find that Jongdae is back in bed with them. He’s curled up in between Yixing and his husband, his face buried in Yixing’s husband’s neck.

 

“When did he come in?” asks Yixing, planting a kiss on the back of Jongdae’s head.

 

Thank goodness, Yixing thinks, that he had dressed both himself and his husband before unlocking their bedroom door last night.

 

“I don’t know. Around 3 or 4 a.m. I guess?”

 

Yixing leaves them to cuddle for a while then goes to the bathroom to wash up. It’s the weekend, so Yixing doesn’t have to rush off for work today. He goes to the kitchen to make breakfast. He gets the coffee machine working and toasts some bread.

 

“Baba!”

 

Yixing looks up from the eggs he’s been trying to scramble as his husband wanders into the kitchen, carrying Jongdae in his arms.

 

“Shall we watch what Baba is doing?”

 

He brings Jongdae to the side of the stove and they both watch Yixing struggle for a while. His husband is laughing quietly, his shoulders shaking with his mirth. Jongdae giggles along.

 

“Let’s switch,” Yixing’s husband finally offers.

 

Yixing shoots his husband a grateful look and holds his hands out to Jongdae, only to have Jongdae immediately whip his face away from Yixing. He burrows his face into Yixing’s husband’s shoulder, clinging on tighter to Yixing’s husband’s neck with his tiny little hands.

 

“Go on, Jongdae-ah,” says Yixing’s husband encouragingly. “Play with Baba.”

 

Jongdae shakes his head decisively.

 

“Don’t you want to play with me?” asks Yixing.

 

“I don’t want to play with Baba,” gurgles Jongdae happily, clinging onto Yixing’s husband in blissful contentment.

 

Yixing’s husband steps aside for a while. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his husband whispering something in Jongdae’s ear. Yixing can’t hear what they are saying, but whatever his husband says must have been effective, because Jongdae stretches out his hands to Yixing.

 

“Baba, hug me.”

 

Yixing turns out to see Jongdae scrambling of his husband’s arms, making his husband have to quickly deposit him on the floor. Yixing immediately abandons the eggs to go to Jongdae. Jongdae is barely on his feet before he is scooped up into Yixing’s arms.

 

“Baba is mine.”

 

“Yes, Baba is yours,” Yixing is quick to agree.

 

“Baba, show me your love,” Jongdae chirps sweetly.

 

The unexpected words melt Yixing’s heart. Emotion wells up within Yixing. He presses a kiss on his son’s cheek, and the brief pressing of lips on his son’s skin is nowhere near enough to convey the depth of emotion he feels.

 

Yixing takes Jongdae to the bathroom. They have a stool for Jongdae to stand on so that he can reach the sink. He brushes Jongdae’s teeth and washes his face for him. Jongdae is well-behaved and cooperative. He’s wearing a puzzled frown on his face the entire time though. It’s adorable, but it also makes Yixing suspect he’s probably not doing a good job. Perhaps Yixing had been too rough?

 

By the time they come out from the bathroom, breakfast is served. Yixing and his husband sit opposite each other, while Jongdae sits at the head of the table in his baby chair, in the middle of the both of them. Yixing’s husband steadily feeds Jongdae while they eat. Jongdae is angelic and cooperative, opening his mouth whenever Yixing’s husband asks him to.

 

“Can stegosaurus eat eggs?” asks Jongdae, moving his stegosaurus figurine towards his food bowl.

 

“Ahhh, poor stegosaurus can’t eat eggs. It only eats plants!” Yixing’s husband says, eyes wide and sad-looking.

 

“How about brontosaurus? Can brontosaurus eat eggs?” Jongdae moves his brontosaurus to his food bowl too.

 

“Brontosaurus can’t eat eggs either. Brontosaurus also eats only plants. Brontosaurus will get a tummy-ache if he eats eggs,” says Yixing’s husband sadly, getting all pouty.

 

Jongdae quickly moves his dinosaurs away from the food bowl when he hears that they might get tummy-aches.

 

“How about Jongdae? Can Jongdae eat eggs?” asks Yixing’s husband brightly.

 

“Jongdae can eat eggs!” Jongdae squeals happily, opening his mouth, and just like that, Yixing’s husband successfully feeds Jongdae yet another mouthful of scrambled egg.

 

After breakfast, they put Jongdae in the playpen, where he entertains himself playing with his multitude of dinosaur figurines. Yixing does the dishes, while Yixing’s husband disappears into their bedroom to dress up as he gets ready to leave the house. When he’s ready, Yixing scoops Jongdae into his arms so that they can greet Yixing’s husband goodbye as he leaves the house.

 

“Are you going to be all right?” asks his husband, and Yixing fights the urge to ask him to stay.

 

They’ve talked about this. Jongdae needs some alone with Yixing, so that he would trust and depend on Yixing more. And besides, Yixing is well aware that his husband hadn’t had any time alone to himself in a long time.

 

“Jongdae-ah, remember what Appa told you yesterday? Appa is going out for a while. Appa will be home soon, all right? Baba will take care of you.”

 

“Does Appa promise to come home soon?”

 

“Appa promises,” says Yixing’s husband solemnly. “Pinky promise.”

 

Jongdae stretches his pinky out, and Yixing’s husband links his little finger with Jongdae’s.

 

“Bye, Appa! Have fun!” gurgles Jongdae happily, waving around the pterosaurs figurine he has in his hand.

 

“Bye, Jongdae-ah! Listen to Baba, okay?” Yixing’s husband presses a kiss on Jongdae’s lips.

 

Feeling a little left out, Yixing leans over too. Yixing’s husband smiles and closes the gap so that Yixing gets a peck on the lips too.

 

“Fighting,” murmurs his husband softly to Yixing after he breaks the kiss.

 

The reality of having to take care of Jongdae on his own all day hits Yixing. Yixing gulps.

 

“Fighting!” Jongdae cheerfully echoes loudly.

 

The door closes. Yixing is left alone with his son. It’s going to be just the two of them, all the way until nightfall.

 

Yixing deposits Jongdae back into the playpen, leaving his son to amuse himself with his books and his toys. Meanwhile, Yixing takes out the trash, wipes the table, and vacuums the floor. Exhausted, Yixing collapses on the sofa.

 

“Baba, play with me!”

 

Yixing instantly drags himself up from the sofa and climbs into the playpen with his son. There is an elaborate dinosaur war going on and Yixing does his best, but of course, his side gets completely annihilated by Jongdae’s side.

 

“I want to eat ice cream!” Jongdae declares after his victory is secured.

 

“Oh. Erm. I’m not sure if your appa would allow it.” Yixing’s husband puts Jongdae on a strict limited-snacking diet, where Jongdae is allowed sweet treats only once every few days.

 

“Appa said that today is the day Jongdae gets to eat ice cream!”

 

“Oh. Really?”

 

“Really!”

 

Jongdae looks completely earnest so Yixing figures he must be telling the truth. They go into the kitchen together.

 

“There’s mango raspberry, dark chocolate and almond, and caramel biscuit and cream,” says Yixing, peering into the freezer. “Which would you like, Jongdae-ah?”

 

“Chocolate!”

 

Yixing takes out the small haagen-daz cup from the freezer, and opens it for Jongdae. Jongdae gets deposited back into his high-chair at the dining table. He attacks his ice-cream without needing Yixing to feed him. Since Jongdae is so preoccupied with his ice cream, Yixing figures it would be safe to catch up with some work. He brings his laptop to dining table and checks his work email. When he next looks up from his laptop screen, Jongdae’s entire face is smeared with molten chocolate ice cream. The entire front of his t-shirt is streaked in the same. Yixing quickly abandons his half-written email to strip his son out of his chocolatey t-shirt. He uses wet wipes to clean Jongdae’s face and hands. Then he wrestles Jongdae into a new t-shirt.

 

Yixing looks at the clock. Shucks, it’s 1 p.m. According to his husband’s instructions, he’s supposed to have fed Jongdae his lunch half an hour ago.

 

“Are you hungry?” asks Yixing. “Let’s go to eat lunch okay?”

 

Yixing brings Jongdae to their neighbourhood bistro, which serves western food. Fascinated by the staircase, Jongdae wants to go to the second level, so Yixing allows it, watching in amusement as Jongdae scrambles up the stairs on his short legs.

 

The instant they enter the second floor, Jongdae spots a little girl his age seated at one of the booths near the staircase. He wastes no time running to her.

 

“Play with me!” Jongdae tells her imperiously.

 

She doesn’t answer. She only blinks at him curiously, not sure how to react to the sudden intrusion of this new boy who she doesn’t know.

 

“I’m sorry,” says Yixing to the girl’s parents, hoisting Jongdae into his arms.

 

He deposits Jongdae into a booth at the far corner of the restaurant. But the instant Jongdae gets set down, he scrambles off the booth seat and scampers across the restaurant back to the little girl.

 

“You’re so pretty!” Yixing hears Jongdae say from across the room, even as Yixing belatedly moves to rise from the seat.

 

Yixing is striding across the restaurant towards his son. He sees Jongdae lean over, but Yixing can’t close the gap between them fast enough. By the time he reaches his wayward son, Jongdae has already planted a kiss on the little girl’s cheek. Yixing quickly gathers his son back into his arms, apologising profusely. The little girl’s mother laughs, but her father looks less than amused.

 

Yixing carries Jongdae back to their table. Thankfully, the little girl’s family is done with their meal and they leave, so Jongdae doesn’t run back to their table.

 

“Jongdae-ah, you can’t go around kissing girls just like that, all right? You must ask for permission first.”

 

“Why? Did Baba ask Appa’s permission first?”

 

“Erm, well… … actually, erm, your appa kissed me first.”

 

“Did Appa ask for Baba’s permission?”

 

“Erm… … well, no, but… …”

 

“Then Jongdae won’t ask for permission either!”

 

Yixing is speechless. Yixing decides to abandon the topic. He waves a waiter over to make their order instead. He orders the set lunch to share with Jongdae. Yixing takes out the dinosaur figurines that they always carry in their bag when they bring Jongdae out, and Yixing gets a few moments of peace as Jongdae plays with them. Then, the food arrives.

 

“Jongdae-ah, eat some meat.”

 

Yixing holds up a forkful of stir-fried beef, but Jongdae shakes his head as he continues to play with his dinosaurs.

 

“I don’t want to eat meat.”

 

To appease Yixing, he picks up a piece of bread, and pretends to chew on it. Yixing can tell he’s only pretending because even after the longest time, the bread remains exactly the same size.

 

“Jongdae-ah, you need to eat.”

 

Jongdae scrambles off his seat again, running off towards another table where four adults are seated.

 

“ _Anyeong hasayeo_!” Jongdae greets them. “What are you eating? Jongdae is eating bread!”

 

Jongdae waves his uneaten bun at them. The edges of the bun are soaked in saliva.

 

“I’m sorry,” Yixing apologises as he scoops his son back into his arms.

 

The adults at the table laugh, cooing at how cute Jongdae is.

 

With the help of a wait staff, he gets a baby chair and straps a pouty and wriggly Jongdae down. Flinging his bread down, Jongdae abandons all pretence of eating.

 

At the end of his wits, Yixing caves and video-calls his husband.

 

“Appa!” screams Jongdae happily when Yixing’s husband appears on the screen.

 

It’s obvious his husband is at the gym. He’s sweaty and flushed. His long fringe is swept to the back, beads of sweat clinging at the tips. Yixing swallows. He’s hot as fuck.

 

“You lasted longer than I thought,” laughs Yixing’s husband. “I thought you’ll call earlier.”

 

“He won’t eat,” Yixing confesses.

 

“Why? Did he eat anything before lunch that would spoil his appetite?”

 

“Erm, only a cup of ice cream?”

 

“Ice cream? He just had some yesterday. He’s not supposed to eat any for three more days.”

 

Damn.

 

“Did you give him the entire cup?”

 

Oh. Erm.

 

“It was just a small cup?”

 

Yixing’s husband is laughing at him now, his shoulders shaking in his quiet mirth.

 

“A small cup is just nice a serving for adults, but Jongdae is only three. One whole cup is a lot of sugar for him. Usually, I only let him have half a cup.”

 

Oh.

 

“What do I do now?” asks Yixing desperately.

 

“At this point in time, you have to bribe him. He likes to watch cartoons. Tell him he can watch a cartoon on your iPad later, if he eats three bites of meat, three bites of vegetables and three bites of bread.”

 

“Okay,” says Yixing, instantly calming down.

 

“Don’t let him watch more than one cartoon though. He’ll spoil his eyes.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Appaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

 

Jongdae’s scream reverberates throughout the restaurant. With the volume of air his lungs can contain, Jongdae will probably be a star singer when he grows up. Yixing quickly tilts the angle of his handphone towards Jongdae. Jongdae calms down immediately when he sees Yixing’s husband on the screen.

 

“Appa,” he gurgles happily, looking all sweet and angelic.

 

Yixing watches as his husband and his son coo at each other, telling each other how much they love each other and blowing kisses. After the phone call ends, Yixing uses his husband’s strategy and manages to coax Jongdae to eat a few mouthfuls. It’s not much, but Yixing considers it an achievement.

 

When they reach home later, an exhausted Yixing lies on the couch while an excited Jongdae gets to watch his cartoon on Yixing’s iPad.

 

A scream of laughter from Jongdae jolts Yixing awake. Shit, he hadn’t even realised that he had fallen asleep.

 

“How many cartoons have you watched?” asks Yixing, wrenching the iPad away from Jongdae, who has a surprising strong grip.

 

A quick check on the YouTube history shows that Jongdae has already watched three episodes. Damn. Why didn’t he switch off the autoplay?

 

“Baba! iPad! Please?”

 

His tiny hands are trying to reach the iPad that is held out of his reach, Jongdae is looking at him with pleading, watery eyes.

 

Ah, he looks cute.

 

Very cute.

 

Very, very cute.

 

Very, very, very cu-… …

 

 _No, Yixing._ Yixing mentally shakes himself. _Stay firm._

 

“How about we go to the playground?” Yixing suggests.

 

“Playground!” Jongdae takes to the idea immediately, forgetting all about the iPad. Yixing inwardly heaves a sigh of relief.

 

The neighbourhood playground is a short walk away from their home, and Jongdae exuberantly greets everyone they walk past.

 

“ _Anyeong hasayeo_! I’m going to the playground!” he tells every grandfather, grandmother, uncle and aunty, boy or girl that they walk past.

 

Everyone in the neighbourhood coos at Jongdae, a cute extroverted toddler that speaks so well for his age.

 

“Do you want to go on the swing with Baba?” asks Yixing when they reach.

 

“No, I want to go on the slide with hyung!” Jongdae abandons Yixing straight away, running towards a boy who appears to be slightly older than Jongdae.

 

From the familiar way Jongdae and the boy greet each other, Yixing surmises that they must know each other well. He bows to the boy’s mother, who is standing nearby. The boy is eating a lollipop, and he shares this with Jongdae. They run around the playground together, squealing and laughing, going on the slide, the rocking horse and the merry-go-round. The boy goes to his mother ever so often, and Jongdae follows him whenever he does so, obviously familiar with the boy’s mother as well. Jongdae never goes to Yixing, and brushes off Yixing every time Yixing tries to talk to him, except when he needs Yixing to push him on the swing, so that he and the boy, who is pushed by his mother, can see who can go higher.

 

Eventually the boy’s mother wants to bring him back home for dinner. Jongdae happily follows along until Yixing sets his foot down and scoops his son back into his arms. Jongdae pouts and struggles, but Yixing makes him say goodbye to his hyung, promising Jongdae that he can play with his hyung again tomorrow.

 

“Do you want to eat _jjajiangmyeon_?” asks Yixing when they reach home. “I’ll call for Chinese takeout for tonight, all right? I’ll cook you something yummy tomorrow.”

 

If Yixing’s husband were home, he’ll laugh at Yixing for lying outrightly to their son, because even if Yixing did cook the next day, chances are the meal wouldn’t taste yummy at all. The only thing Yixing makes that tastes decent is toast.

 

Jongdae, however, is beyond excited at the prospect of eating _jjajangmyeon_.

 

“ _Jjajangmyeon_! _Jjajangmyeon_!” he chants happily as Yixing undresses him for his bath.

 

Once he is undressed, he squirms from Yixing’s grasp, as slippery as an eel. He runs around the whole house naked, with Yixing chasing fruitlessly behind, until Yixing uses his dinosaur toys to lure him into the bath. He bathes happily enough, playing with his dinosaur figurines and the soap suds as Yixing scrubs him down. Yixing is towelling him off when they hear the doorbell ring.

 

“It must be the delivery man. Stay here for a while all right?”

 

Yixing leaves the bathroom, leaving Jongdae there, dry but still undressed. He opens the front door and collects the food package. He is counting out the bills to pay the delivery man when he suddenly hears “ _Jjajangmyeon_!” coming from directly behind him.

 

“Oh my,” says the delivery man, amused.

 

“ _Anyeong hasayeo_ _ahjusshi_! I just bathed!” announces Jongdae as he stands next to Yixing, stark naked like the day he was born.

 

“I can see that,” laughs the delivery man.

 

“I’m sorry,” apologises Yixing, closing the front door. He puts the food package on the dining table. Jongdae leads Yixing on a chase around their entire apartment until Yixing finally manages to catch his son in his arms and wrestle him into some clothes.

 

They finally sit down to eat. Yixing puts a helping of noodles into Jongdae’s plastic food bowl, and uses a large pair of scissors to cut up the noodles.

 

“It’s dangerous.”

 

Yixing looks up to see Jongdae eyes wide, looking concerned. Yixing feels a rush of warmth. Suddenly, everything is worth it.

 

“Baba is fine. Baba will be careful with the scissors.”

 

Jongdae mostly feeds himself using his plastic spoon, but by the end of the meal, his whole face and his newly-worn t-shirt is covered in thick black sauce. Yixing uses wet wipes to clean Jongdae’s face and hands, and then changes his t-shirt yet again.

 

After dinner, Yixing plays some children’s songs on his handphone, and he and Jongdae dance away in the living room. Yixing had planned to use this to tire Jongdae out, but it appears that this plan backfires brilliantly. Instead of getting tired, Jongdae only becomes more and more excited, screaming and laughing as he bounces up and down on their sofa.

 

Yixing decides it’s time for a change of strategy. He bundles Jongdae in his jacket, and carries him to the car, strapping him securely in the car seat.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“We’re going for a drive, Jongdae-ah.”

 

Yixing cruises along the streets, checking Jongdae in the rearview mirror ever so often. Jongdae’s eyes are starting to droop, and his head is nodding away.

 

“Jongdae-ah, if you’re tired, you can sleep okay? Don’t hold back.”

 

Yixing goes through the tunnel, crossing the Han River. They go on the highway. Somewhere on the tunnel in the return loop, Jongdae falls asleep at last. Yixing heaves an inner sigh of relief and heads home. Careful not to wake Jongdae, Yixing gently carries his sleeping son out of the car and tucks him into bed.

 

Yixing is getting himself a drink of water in the kitchen when he suddenly hears, “Baba!”

 

Yixing nearly chokes on the water. Surely Jongdae hasn’t woken up? He rushes back into his son’s bedroom. The nightlight has been turned on, and there Jongdae is, a little bundle of cuteness, sitting up in bed.

 

“Baba! I don’t want to sleep! Let’s play!” Jongdae declares.

 

Yixing is ready to break down and cry.

 

Just then, both Yixing and Jongdae can hear the lock of the front door open.

 

“Appa!”

 

Jongdae scrambles off the bed and runs into the living room, straight into Yixing’s husband’s waiting arms. Jongdae giggles as he is hoisted up into his appa’s arm. Yixing’s husband smothers their son in kisses.

 

“Was Jongdae a good boy today?”

 

“Yes!” Jongdae declares shamelessly. “Jongdae was good!”

 

“Ah, you’re still standing,” Yixing’s husband says cheekily as Yixing leans in for a kiss.

 

“He won’t sleep.”

 

“I want to sleep with Appa!”

 

“Do you? Appa wants to sleep with Jongdae too!” says Yixing’s husband, much to Jongdae’s delight.

 

Yixing’s husband carries Jongdae back to his bed, and tucks Jongdae in. He settles himself comfortably next to Jongdae.

 

“Lay hyung, could you bring me that book on fairy tales please?”

 

Yixing passes his husband the required book, and watches as his husband selects a fairy tale to read to Jongdae, one that Yixing knows for a fact that Jongdae has read many times over already, so the plot is not something new or exciting to Jongdae. Yixing has watched his husband read to Jongdae many times before. He’s usually very animated, changing his voice for different characters in the story. But not this time. This time, he reads softly and slowly, his voice steady and calm. Before the end of the story, Jongdae has been lulled to sleep. Yixing’s husband slides gently off the bed, tucking the blanket up to Jongdae’s chin. They quietly turn off the lights and leave the room.

 

Yixing and his husband stand on their balcony. They stay in a penthouse, at the top level of a forty-storey apartment building. Below them, the city of Seoul sprawls out, city lights twinkling as far as the eye can see. A wind picks up, rustling through their clothes, ruffling their hair.

 

“You’re amazing,” Yixing says sincerely to his husband.

 

“Of course.”

 

Yixing’s husband preens, throwing his head back to let the wind sweep over his fringe prettily. He tilts his chin down, side-eyeing Yixing from underneath his lashes, beautiful and alluring, yet oh-so-cheeky.

 

“How are you ever going to cope without me? Aren’t you glad I decided to marry you?”

 

Yixing looks into his husband’s eyes, serious and sincere. He reaches out to thread his fingers into his husband’s fringe, smoothing down the wind-swept hair.

 

“Sehun-ah. Thank you for marrying me.”

 

Yixing’s husband smiles. The look in his eyes before he closes them to accept the kiss that Yixing presses on his lips is soft and gentle, filled with love.

 

And Yixing loves it, the look in his husband’s eyes, the feel of his husband’s lips, the little bundle that is equal parts joy and terror that is now peacefully sleeping in his bedroom.

 

Yixing loves it all.

 

 


	7. Chanyeol (Growing Up)

Both Yixing and Baekhyun put on their winter coats in utter silence. Downstairs, they can hear Yixing’s mother as she potters around the kitchen downstairs. She thinks Yixing is sleeping in bed, and she is about to leave the house for her night shift at the village’s 24-hour convenience store.

 

The front door closes. Yixing’s mother has left the house. Even then, Yixing waits for a good fifteen minutes before he quietly slips out of his room.

 

He tiptoes down the staircase, Baekhyun on his shoulder. The rickety wood groans with each step, making Yixing wince. Yixing pads silently across the coarse wooden floor. He eases open the front door. The rusty hinges groan in protest. Yixing steps out onto the uneven wooden porch. He slips into his boots. It’s hard to wear them without any light, but he manages. He makes his way down the three wooden steps that lead to ground level.

 

It’s snowing.

 

Despite the soft snow that falls from the night sky, the moon can be seen clearly. It’s round and full, hanging the dark night sky. Snow blankets the streets and covers the rooftops, reflecting the light of the moon.

 

A bang. Something heavy clutters to the floor. A flip of a switch, and light spills out from his neighbour’s house. Yixing ducks underneath the sill. His nosy neighbours would surely tell his mother if they caught sight of him slipping out of the house in the middle of the night. A curse and a yell. Raised voices arguing loudly in the local Korean dialect breaks the silence of the night.

 

As he listens to his neighbours arguing, Yixing silently feels a pang. When Junmyeon hyung still lived there, the neighbouring house had always symbolised safety and affection for Yixing. The new neighbours who had moved in were an elderly couple who had moved to the village from the city as they couldn’t afford living in the city anymore. They quarrel every single day.

 

His boots crunch in the snow. He leaves a trail of footprints behind him, but Yixing thinks nothing of it, knowing the falling snow would erase them, and all evidence of his late-night outing.

 

Yixing slips behind his house, walking along the cheap chicken wire fencing, until he reaches the edge of the forest. The forest is even more intimidating at the night. Yixing feels Baekhyun shiver a little. Yixing takes out his handkerchief. He puts Baekhyun in the palm of his hand as he wraps the fairy warmly.

 

“Careful with my wings,” Baekhyun reminds him, squirming a little to burrow himself snugly inside the handkerchief. His wings are very sensitive. But he needn’t have worried. Yixing is extremely gentle as he wraps Baekhyun. Baekhyun sighs in contentment when Yixing is done. Yixing slips him into the front pocket of his down jacket, so that only Baekhyun’s head peeks out of the pocket. Yixing smiles. Baekhyun is cute.

 

They pick their way cautiously through the trees. Most of the trees here are tall, so Yixing walks underneath the branches easily enough. But sometimes, he bumps into an odd branch or two in the dark, sending showers snow cascading down in audible thumps.

 

Suddenly, a figure pads silently out of the shadows. The forest is so dark, nothing can be seen except a moving shadow of darkness, and a pair of gleaming yellow eyes.

 

Yixing stops, standing stock-still. In his pocket, Baekhyun is so still Yixing thinks he must be holding his breath.

 

The figure steps out of the shadow, into the moonlight.

 

It’s a wolf.

 

A huge grey one, both silent and majestic.

 

Snowflakes cling on the thick fur, dusting the rich coat of grey in specks of white.

 

“Chanyeollie!”

 

Baekhyun is so excited that he squirms out of Yixing’s pocket. He wrenches himself free of the handkerchief and flutters towards Chanyeol. The handkerchief spreads open in mid-air and floats down to land on the snow. Yixing bends down to pick it up.

 

“Stop it, Chanyeollie!”

 

Yixing looks up to see Chanyeol giving Baekhyun long wet licks as the fairy tries in vain to fight off the offending tongue. Yixing laughs as the disgruntled fairy flutters back to seek protection with Yixing.

 

“Chanyeol.”

 

Yixing steps forward to greet the werewolf too. He pets the top of Chanyeol’s furry head, dusting away the snow, scratching behind the ears and rubbing the back of Chanyeol’s neck in the way he knows Chanyeol likes. Yixing smiles as Chanyeol flattens his ears in satisfaction.

 

“C’mon, let’s go!” says Baekhyun, his wings fluttering exuberantly. “If not the Great Race is going to start without you, Chanyeollie. Don’t cry then!”

 

“I. Don’t. Cry,” huffs Chanyeol.

 

“Oh yeah? Remember how we met? You were a crybaby werewolf pup. Wasn’t he, Yixing?”

 

Chanyeol snaps at Baekhyun, but the little fairy is too quick for him. He nimbly darts out of the way, evading the snapping jaws easily. He flutters up to Yixing. Baekhyun tugs on Yixing’s hand insistently, pulling on Yixing’s fingers with his whole-body weight. He tugs once, twice, thrice, and then, bam! Yixing is pulled along, tugged forwards. He’s falling, spiralling and falling, until thump! He lands heavily on his bum. It’s doesn’t hurt though, because he hasn’t landed on the ground, but has instead landed on the soft fur of Chanyeol’s back. Yixing is now the same size as Baekhyun, thanks to Baekhyun’s fairy magic.

 

Yixing sits on the back of Chanyeol’s neck together with Baekhyun, and Chanyeol takes off into forest. Chanyeol covers the ground at amazing speed, sending up sprays of snow with each step. Unlike Yixing, whose steps into the forest had been hesitant and unsure, Chanyeol’s every move is confident, his wolf eye-sight allowing him clear vision as if it were day time.

 

Yixing is not as familiar with the forest as either Chanyeol or Baekhyun, but does recognise one significant landmark, the Tree of Stars. Yixing sees the shine of the silver leaves even from the distance. The tree towers upwards, rising high above any other tree. The silver shine of its star-shaped leaves glow brightly in the night forest. No matter how many times Yixing sees it, he is always awed by how beautiful it is.

 

Noise. Murmuring. Barks and howls. Yelps. The padding of many feet. The huddling of many bodies.

 

Usually the Deep Forest is quiet and still. But not tonight.

 

Tonight, the Tree of Stars is is surrounded by wolves. All around the large gnarled trunk, large grey bodies pad around. Gleaming yellow eyes are everywhere. White fangs glint in the night.

 

The whole pack is here. Gathered for the Great Race. It’s time for the pack to choose a new Alpha. The current generation of young wolves only has three alphas, and Chanyeol is one of them. After this race, one of them would be chosen as the Alpha, and it remains to be seen if Chanyeol would be the one.

 

“Chanyeol.” It is a large female who speaks. Though old, her voice carries unmistakable authority. She’s probably the omega mate of the previous Alpha. “Where were you? You are almost late.”

 

“Sorry, Mother.” Chanyeol bows his head in submission. “I went to pick up my friends, Yixing and Baekhyun. I’ve asked your permission if they could come along. They want to support me.”

 

“You want to carry them on your back while you run the race?” A wolf standing next to Chanyeol’s mother speaks. “The extra weight will slow you down.”

 

“I am confident that I would be able to bear the extra weight, Elder.”

 

“Very well.” Chanyeol’s mother speaks, and the other wolves instantly defer to her. “Take your place. It is almost time.”

 

The pack gathers in a large circle, ringing the Tree of Stars right in the centre. Chanyeol pads into the circle. Yixing can see two other wolves doing the same. They must be Kibum and Minho. They each station themselves an equal distance from one another, at the base of the Tree of Stars.

 

Chanyeol falls silent, something that is rare for the werewolf. Both Yixing and Baekhyun stay still, waiting with bated breath along with Chanyeol.

 

A long horn sounds. Yixing can feeling Chanyeol pulsing with energy. Every fibre of Chanyeol’s being is tense, filled up adrenalin. The split second the sound of the horn ends, Chanyeol takes off. He leaves the Tree of Stars behind in a heartbeat. Both Yixing and Baekhyun hang on tightly as Chanyeol cuts through the forest. Chanyeol’s front and back legs work together in tandem, stretching out and closing in at rhythming intervals. He manoeuvres past tree trunks and leaps over roots, bushes and stones with ease.

 

Chanyeol vaults over a large boulder, thudding back on the ground in a huge cloud of snow. But he is not alone. Minho lands on his left. Chanyeol speeds up, but Minho does so too, matching him stride from stride. To Yixing’s shock, he sees Kibum in front of them. Kibum had opted to run around the boulder instead of leaping over it like Chanyeol and Minho, and this move has paid off for him.

 

Kibum leads the race, with Chanyeol and Minho close at his heels. A fast-flowing forest river appears before them. Without hesitation, Kibum dives into it. Water splashes everywhere. His head and shoulders emerge a second later. He swims steadily across the fast-flowing water. Minho dives in too. Chanyeol is close on his heels. Yixing prepares himself for the plunge, but Baekhyun stops Chanyeol.

 

“Not here! Run up the river!”

 

Chanyeol instantly heeds his advice. He veers to left, his swift reaction and strong physique allowing him to change directions in mid leap, running alongside the river in the opposite direction of the water flow.

 

“Now!”

 

Chanyeol leaps into the river. His forelegs land on a stepping stone. Yixing closes his eyes as water splashes into his face. A push of his powerful hind legs, and they are soaring through the air before landing on the next stepping stone. Chanyeol leaps from one stone to another until he’s crossed the river with ease, without the need to swim.

 

Chanyeol lands back onto snowy bank. He raises his hackles to shake the water off him. Baekhyun darts up into the air, fluttering his wings. Yixing hangs on desperately as his world shakes, but it’s over in an instant.

 

“Chanyeollie! Be more careful with Yixing!” Baekhyun scolds.

 

“Sorry.”

 

Chanyeol barely gasps the word out. He is breathless, charged with adrenaline.

 

“It’s alright,” Yixing says. “I’m fine. Let’s go!”

 

Chanyeol takes off, running alongside the river to rejoin the route that he had veered off from. As they approach, Yixing can see Kibum and Minho still swimming across the river. Yixing’s heart leaps. Chanyeol is now in the lead. Chanyeol is such a good runner, with the lead he now has, neither Kibum or Minho are going to be able to catch up. The winner of this race is going to be Chanyeol.

 

But then… …

 

“Chanyeol! Look over there! In the water.”

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun both turn, and instantly, they see it too. Behind Kibum, Minho is struggling in the water. Kibum hasn’t realised this yet. Without a second thought, Chanyeol charges straight into the water. They plunge in with a big splash. Both Yixing and Baekhyun are drenched. Startled by Chanyeol’s entrance into the water, Kibum turns around to see what has caught Chanyeol’s attention, and he too sees Minho struggling in the water. Kibum immediately turns around to swim towards Minho. He reaches Minho first, helping the struggling wolf to keep his head above water. Chanyeol reaches them too, and the two wolves work together to bring Minho back to shore, swimming with Minho sandwiched between them.

 

It’s hard work, but they manage to reach the shore of last. The three wolves transform back to human form.

 

“Are you all right?” Chanyeol cradles Minho in his arms.

 

Minho’s face is contorted with pain.

 

“I’ve got a cramp. My right leg.”

 

Kibum stretches out Minho’s leg, trying to ease the cramp.

 

“Yixing!” says Baekhyun. “Can you heal him?”

 

Chanyeol scoops Yixing into the palm of his hand and he lowers Yixing to the ground, next to Minho’s leg. Yixing stretches out his hands, palms facing Minho. Warm golden light spill from his fingers.

 

Minho takes a deep breath and relaxes, melting in Chanyeol’s arms.

 

“Minho hyung, how are you feeling now?” asks Chanyeol.

 

“My leg is much better.” He turns to Yixing and says sincerely, “Thank you.”

 

Yixing ducks his head, embarrassed.

 

Chanyeol and Kibum both help Minho to his feet. Minho tries, and finds that he can walk around normally. Yixing has healed him completely.

 

“If you’re all right now, let’s start the race again,” suggests Kibum. “The three of us can line up in a straight line, and start off at the count of three.”

 

Minho shakes his head.

 

“It’s only right that I drop out of the race. I would have drowned if both of you didn’t stop to save me. I wouldn’t even be in running condition right now if your friend hadn’t healed me.”

 

“The two of us then,” Kibum says, looking at Chanyeol. Chanyeol nods.

 

Chanyeol lifts Yixing back on his shoulder. Baekhyun flutters up and lands on his other shoulder. Chanyeol transforms, and Yixing finds himself seated next to Baekhyun on the back of a large grey wolf. Kibum has similarly transformed into wolf-form too.

 

“One, two, three!”

 

At Minho’s count, the two wolves streak off. Even though Kibum is older than Chanyeol, as a wolf, it Chanyeol who is bigger in size. His legs are longer so he covers longer distances in his strides. He’s more agile too, Yixing notices. His reflexes are faster, so he changes direction or recovers from landings faster than Kibum does. It’s gradual at first, but the distance between Chanyeol and Kibum starts to get bigger and bigger.

 

As he clings onto Chanyeol’s neck, Yixing can feel it, the adrenaline coursing through Chanyeol’s veins, his every inhalation and exhalation of breath, the muscles that ripple with every step and stretch of Chanyeol’s powerful strides. He can feel Kibum’s presence too, almost sense desperation in the air to keep up. But each time Kibum manages to draw close, Chanyeol puts in another burst of speed, and the gap between them widens again.

 

“Chanyeollie! The Tree of Stars is just up ahead! We’re almost there!”

 

At Baekhyun’s words, Chanyeol puts in a final burst of speed. The forest is still. It’s as if the entire universe is waiting in bated breath. It’s as if the only thing moving in the whole world is Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol skids to a stop, his feet dragging them forwards out of sheer momentum despite the fact that Chanyeol has stopped. Chanyeol’s snout touches the trunk of the Tree of Stars.

 

The pack throw their heads back. Howls reverberate through the previously quiet forest as the pack celebrate their new Alpha.

 

Chanyeol throws his own head back and howls too. Yixing feels all of his emotions. His joy, his triumph, his effort and his hard work, his tiredness and his pain, his guilt for having won over Kibum and Minho, Yixing understands it all.

 

Kibum comes running into the clearing. Despite already having lost, he still puts in his best as he covers the final remaining distance. The tip of his snout touches the Tree of Stars too, and howls sound all around for him as well. Chanyeol goes over to Kibum, and the two friends nuzzle each other. Minho pads over as well, and three alphas cluster together, nuzzling and rubbing against each other.

 

Afterwards, Chanyeol carries both Baekhyun and Yixing to the edge of the forest. They are very near Yixing’s village. Lights from the houses twinkle through the trees. Yixing slides off Chanyeol’s back, and finds that he is back into his normal size. Baekhyun happily flutters up to sit on his shoulder. Chanyeol steps back, putting some distance between himself and Yixing. Then, he straightens up, his long form stretches up and elongates in the shadows, until it is a human form that steps out of the shadows to stand in front of Yixing.

 

Yixing has always thought that Chanyeol’s wolf form was handsome. But in human form, he is even more breath-taking. He stands taller than Yixing, and his shoulders are broad. His eyes are large and round, and his jaw chiselled. His ears are somewhat large too, and they stick out, but this somehow makes him even more charming. He grins broadly at Yixing, his smile highlighting his cheekbones and his straight white teeth. Without the need for words, both Yixing and Chanyeol automatically walk into each other’s arms.

 

“Congratulations,” Yixing says, his face in Chanyeol’s chest. Chanyeol’s arms are around his waist. “I’m happy for you.”

 

“Yeah, for a crybaby werewolf pup, you didn’t do so bad!”

 

Chanyeol must be in a very good mood, because he didn’t even comment on Baekhyun’s jibe. He leans his cheek against the top of Yixing’s head as they hold on to each other.

 

They leave the cover of the forest and enter into the village. They walk together through the quiet streets to Yixing’s house. Chanyeol and Yixing sit on the porch. Yixing gets Chanyeol and himself a drink of tap water. Chanyeol chugs down glass and glass. The race must have made him really thirsty. Baekhyun pouts and whines and throws a fuss, so Yixing opens one of their precious sticks of honey and makes a cup of warm honey water for him. He cuts a straw into the correct height to place into the teacup, and then places the teacup on the floor for the fairy.

 

“Let’s toast on the win.”

 

“Yeah, I was awesome, right?”

 

Chanyeol grins as he and Yixing clink their glasses together. Normally, Baekhyun would say something to put Chanyeol in his place, but the little fairy is too busy with his honey water. He is sitting on the floor with the teacup in between his legs as he hugs the large cup to his body, his wings fluttering as he sucks the sweet liquid up the straw with all his might. Yixing smiles. Baekhyun is cute.

 

“So, Alpha now, huh?”

 

“Yeah. I guess.”

 

A pause. Silence. Yixing likes the silences between Chanyeol and himself. It feels nice. Comfortable. Words are not needed between them, not when their friendship is so strong.

 

“I have no idea how to lead a pack.”

 

Chanyeol says after a while.

 

“I have faith in you.” Yixing means every word he says. “And in any case, you have your mother to guide you.”

 

Chanyeol nods. Takes another swig of water.

 

“And you. A high-schooler now, huh?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yixing’s elementary school graduation was earlier today!” Baekhyun pipes up. “The teacher gave out the results slips to everyone. Guess who the top scorer is?”

 

The sheer pride Baekhyun glows with makes the guess a no-brainer.

 

“Yixing!” Chanyeol’s whole face lights up. “Congratulations!”

 

“It’s no big deal… ….” Yixing mutters sheepishly, ducking his head.

 

“I guess that means your scholarship is in the bag too!”

 

“Yes. My teacher passed me the scholarship confirmation letter along with my results slip today.”

 

There’s no high school in their village. Every one who graduated from the village’s elementary school would have to enrol into high school at the neighbouring town. But Yixing has always consistently topped his level since he was in grade 1, and his teacher had suggested that he apply for a scholarship offered by a private high school in the city. Yixing had gone for the interview even before the final exams. Yixing hadn’t been able to afford the train ticket to the city to go for the interview, but his teacher had been kind enough to pay for the ticket. The teacher had also helped Yixing practice for the interview, and had even accompanied him on the actual day of the interview, travelling with Yixing all the way from their village to the high school in the big city. Yixing managed to pass the interview, something Yixing knew would not have been possible if not for his teacher. But the high school offered Yixing the scholarship only in principle. The confirmation of the scholarship was still dependent on Yixing’s final exam results. When the results came out today, Yixing had not only been the top scorer in the school, he had also been the top scorer in the district. Scoring a high enough mark to secure the scholarship hadn’t been a problem.

 

Chanyeol engulfs Yixing in a big, bear hug. Even though Yixing is squeezed so tight he can barely breath, Yixing smiles, burying his face into the front of Chanyeol’s jacket.

 

Chanyeol releases his hold on Yixing. The happy expression on his face suddenly falls away.

 

“Guess that means you’ll be moving away to the city then.”

 

Yixing nods.

 

Silence falls again.

 

Yixing stares out of the porch, into the snow. The snow is white, pristine and flawless. Now that dawn is breaking, the moon hangs low in the sky. It bigger than usual tonight, making it seem nearer, not as far removed as it usually is.

 

“You’ll probably be too busy Alpha-ing to miss us much anyway,” Baekhyun says, but the tears that stand in the little fairy eyes show his true feelings.

 

“I will always miss you and Yixing.”

 

Chanyeol picks up the little fairy and holds him close, cuddling him close to his chest.

 

The first faint morning light appears in the horizon.

 

Dawn is breaking, and Yixing’s mother would be coming home soon.

 

“We have some fun times, didn’t we, Yixing?”

 

“Yes.” Yixing agrees. “But now, it’s time for us to grow up.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

After a last hug, Chanyeol stands up to leave.  Before he rounds the corner, he turns around to wave. His eyes are teary, and Yixing knows his own eyes are wet too.

 

Even after Chanyeol leaves, Yixing sits alone on the porch for a long time.

 

The sun rises, and round the corner that Chanyeol just disappeared, Yixing’s mother appears.

 

“Yixing! Why are you sitting out here in the cold? Aiyowei, you should stay in the house where it’s warm!”

 

“I wanted to wait for you, Mum,” Yixing says, standing up to help his mother carry her bag.

 

He peeps into it. His mother’s boss has always been very nice about letting her bring expired food home to eat. Yixing and his mother have long realised that it’s absolutely fine to eat food that has just expired. It usually takes a few days after the expiration date for the food to actually go bad. It looks like his mother has brought home instant ramen and fishcakes home today. This is one of Yixing’s favourite breakfast combinations. His stomach rumbles in anticipation, already looking forward to the good meal.

 

A month later, Yixing’s bags are packed. He’s ready to go. The house is bare. They have already sold what furniture they could, and have given or thrown away the rest. They’ve managed to sell the house too. It’s worth next to nothing, but at least it would tide them through rent in the city for a while. Yixing stands in front of the house, watching as his mother locks the door for the last time.

 

As his mother descends from the steps, Yixing feels a wave of relief wash over him. His father had walked out on the family four years ago. Yixing understands his father’s reason for leaving. His father had chalked up a huge gambling debt, one that he had no means to pay. So, one day, he just disappeared, leaving Yixing’s mother to pay off the huge debt in his stead. It had taken Yixing’s mother four years, working two jobs 18 hours a day, scrimping and saving, but now, the debt is fully repaid.

 

Every day for the past four years, Yixing’s greatest fear had been coming home from school to find that his father had returned home. But now, Yixing never needs to worry about this again. Even if Yixing’s father ever returns to this house, he would not find his wife or his son here. There would only be complete strangers. Yixing and his mother had been careful not to share their new address with anyone. The city is so big. It’s the biggest place Yixing has ever been to, and Yixing is confident it would be big enough for a high-school boy and his mother to disappear in.

 

At long last, Yixing is free.

 

Smiling at his mother, Yixing slips his hand into his mother’s as they walk to the train station. At 14 years old, Yixing is probably too old to hold his mother’s hand, but he doesn’t care.

 

The convenience store Yixing’s mother works in is just next to the train station, so they go in to greet Yixing’s mother’s boss goodbye. She’s a kind old woman who gives Yixing a large packet of snacks to munch on the train ride.

 

Their village train station is a small one. There isn’t even a proper building, just an open-air platform built next to the tracks, and a small booth for the station master to sit in. Yixing and his mother queue up to buy tickets for the next train. The station master is a friendly _ahjussi_ who has watched Yixing grow up, and he gives Yixing some gum and ruffles him on the head.

 

Yixing and his mother sit at the platform. There’s no shelter over the platform, just benches under the open sky. Yixing looks at the clock hanging on the wall of the station master’s booth. There’s still fifteen minutes to go. It feels surreal, leaving the village he has grown up in, the only place he has even known. Did Junmyeon hyung feel like this too, when he was sitting here waiting for the train that brought him away from this village? Yixing wonders how Junmyeon hyung is doing in London. Yixing wonders if he would ever see Junmyeon hyung again. Perhaps, one day, Yixing could get a scholarship to study in London too.

 

The sound of the train chugging draws Yixing’s eyes to it. He can spot it turning the bend, small at first in the distance, but it becomes bigger and bigger as it approaches. It slides into the platform, metal poles turning the wheels round and round as the train chugs in. The train stops. A few passengers get off.

 

Yixing and his mother board the train. The train is mostly empty. Yixing chooses a window seat near the back of the carriage. They stow their luggage at the overhead compartment. Yixing sits next to window. His mother sits opposite him. Yixing takes Baekhyun out of his backpack. He sits the wooden fairy doll on the window ledge, so as to give Baekhyun a good view of the scenery.

 

“ _Eomma_! _Eomma_! Look, look! A wolf!”

 

A young girl runs over to Yixing’s side of the train carriage, squealing and pointing.

 

Yixing looks out of the window, where she’s pointing.

 

A large grey wolf, so rarely seen outside of the forest, is running on the grass patch alongside the tracks. He stops a distance outside Yixing’s window. His yellow eyes meet with Yixing’s.

 

It’s Chanyeol.

 

Yixing stands up, pressing himself right against the window, hardly daring to believe his eyes. Chanyeol’s not supposed to leave the forest. At least according to the rules his parents had set for him when he was little. But now, Chanyeol is Alpha, so Yixing supposes no one can stop him from doing what he wants.

  
By now, the whole of the train is alerted to the rare wolf sighting. The passengers are all crowding around the windows. Some of them have taken out their cameras and are busy snapping photos.

 

The train horn sounds. The train is going to start up soon. The train wheels groan and creak to life. The world outside the train windows slowly starts to shift.

 

Yixing grabs Baekhyun, and sprints. He tears through the train, pushing past people, seats and walls, careful to shield Baekhyun protectively throughout as he runs through carriage after carriage, until he has reached the end of the train. Yixing stands on the little metal ledge right at the end of the train. He sits Baekhyun on the metal railing, making sure to hold tight to the little fairy. Below his feet, the train tracks roll past underneath.

 

Chanyeol is running on the track now, chasing after the train. Yixing wants to cry out Chanyeol’s name, wants to yell out his last goodbye, but Yixing’s throat is choked, and nothing would come out. He watches mutely as the wolf runs after the train. But no matter how fast Chanyeol is, the train is faster, and the running form of Chanyeol becomes smaller and smaller as he begins to get dwarfed by the rolling scenery.

 

Eventually, Chanyeol stops running. He sits in the middle of the tracks on his haunches, silently watching the train that is bringing Yixing away leave.

 

Yixing’s face is wet. The tears that cluster on the base of Yixing’s chin finally become too heavy, and his tears drip down to splatter on his shirt. Two small hands wipe the remaining tears on his cheeks away. Alarmed, Yixing looks around, then relaxes to see that there is no one else on the ledge aside from himself. Yixing cups his hands protectively around Baekhyun as he hugs the little fairy close to him.

 

Together, they watch Chanyeol become smaller and smaller, until he is barely a small grey lump in the distance. The wind from the train’s movement caused Yixing’s fringe to blow into his eyes, makes his unbuttoned outer shirt billow in the wind.

 

“Goodbye Chanyeol,” Yixing whispers, trusting the wind to carry the words to his childhood friend. “Take care.”

 

 


	8. Kyungsoo (Broken Hope)

The doorbell rings and Yixing rises to answer the door. He pulls the door open, and it swings forward to reveal his mother. She immediately envelops Yixing in a bear hug, and Yixing leans into her. He may be almost twenty now, but every time his mother hugs him, he feels like a little kid all over again.

 

His mother bustles in, “Yixing ah, you’ve lost weight! Aren’t you eating enough? Have you been sleeping enough? How about exercise? Yixing, you can’t just study all the time and forget everything else! And Yixing… ….”

 

“Good evening, _Ah Yi_.”

 

Kyungsoo steps out from the kitchen, still wearing his apron. He bows to Yixing’s mother. Yixing watches as the happy expression on his mother’s face slides away. Her lips press into a thin line as she nods at Kyungsoo.

 

“Please, have a seat _Ah Yi_. Dinner will be ready soon.”

 

“Do you need help in the kitchen?” asks Yixing.

 

“No,” smiles Kyungsoo. “You can catch up with your mother. I’ll be fine.”

 

With another respectful half-bow at Yixing’ mother, Kyungsoo retreats back into the kitchen. Yixing’s mother turns back to him, and Yixing sits down next to her on the couch and fills her in, about college life, his research work, the new scholarship he had just won.

 

“Kyungsoo also just won a scholarship cash prize,” Yixing tells his mother. “He’s on the Dean’s List for his faculty too.”

 

Yixing’s mother nods, but she doesn’t comment on it.

 

“Dinner’s ready,” Kyungsoo calls out.

 

Yixing and his mother go into the kitchen. Kyungsoo has already set the table, and is scooping soup for them. He respectfully gives the first bowl he scoops to Yixing’s mother. Usually, when it’s only the two of them, Kyungsoo tends to cook Korean food, but now that Yixing’s mother is here, Yixing can see that he has made an effort to cook Chinese food. There’s jjajangmyeon, and sweet and sour pork. But the set-up still looks kind of Korean because there are still side dishes of kimchi, steamed vegetables in peanut sauce, beansprouts, anchovies and seaweed soup. Yixing smiles. Kyungsoo can’t eat a meal without Korean side dishes, and he definitely can’t go without kimchi.

 

Yixing’s mother keeps a steady stream of conversation with Yixing throughout the meal. She and Yixing converses mainly in Chinese, though Yixing tries to translate what they are talking into Korean for Kyungsoo whenever he can. Though he can’t really participate in the conversation, Kyungsoo is respectful to Yixing’s mother, and he keeps using his chopsticks to deposit food on her bowl of rice for her.

 

After dinner, Kyungsoo washes the dishes, while Yixing walks his mother downstairs. They stand at the roadside together, as Yixing tries to hail a taxi for her.

 

“Why don’t you like Kyungsoo, Mum?” asks Yixing.

 

“He doesn’t love you.”

 

Yixing stares at his mother.

 

“He just cooked dinner for us tonight, Mum. He cooks dinner for me every night, except when we eat out. He gets up early to make me breakfast too. He does a lot of the housework, and at the start, before things started to get better for me financially, he was paying entirely for the rent and our living expenses, and he never said a single word against me for it.”

 

“He has put in effort in your relationship. I will give him that. He is a good man, with a bright future. I will give him that too. But, none of this changes the fact that he doesn’t love you. Not really. He plays the role of the perfect boyfriend, but that’s all he’s doing – playing a role. I can see it in his eyes, from the way he looks at you. When he’s with you, he thinks he’s settling.”

 

“Mum! That’s nonsense.”

 

“It’s the truth. You just don’t want to see it.” Yixing’s mother sniffs. “Now, your ex-boyfriend, that’s someone who really loves you. I was speaking to Auntie Jang the other day. He knows Auntie Jang and I and friends, and he visited her _tteokbokki_ stall yet again and asked again if she had heard from me. It’s been one year, and he still looking all over the place for you! Now, if you ask me, that’s true love. Why did you even break up with him in the first place? Even Auntie Jang thinks he’s an unbelievable catch. It broke her poor heart to have lie yet again to him that she had no idea where we were. She said the poor boy looked so sad… …”

 

Thankfully, a taxi comes to Yixing’s rescue. Yixing hails it down.

 

“Kyungsoo is just shy. He doesn’t show his feelings openly. But time will make you change your opinion of him, Mum.”

 

“I hope so,” Yixing’s mother sighs. She kisses Yixing on the cheek before getting into the taxi. “Take care of yourself now, all right?”

 

When Yixing returns home, Kyungsoo has already done the dishes. Later that night, when they both climb into bed, Kyungsoo spoons Yixing from the back and nuzzles his neck, and Yixing knows it’s going to be one of those nights. Yixing takes a breath, and forcibly relaxes himself. Kyungsoo will be gentle. He always is.

 

Kyungsoo is thorough when he prepares Yixing. He strokes Yixing until he is hard, writhing with want, before he pushes in. His thrusts are strong but gentle, and as usual, he makes sure that Yixing orgasms first before he climaxes. After, he cleans them both up with a warm towel. When he climbs back into bed, he lies on his back on his side of the bed. Yixing rolls over and curls into him, head on his shoulder, and they fall asleep like that.

 

The next morning, Kyungsoo makes seaweed soup and oyster rice for breakfast. After eating, they wash up the dishes together. Their apartment is walking distance from campus. Kyungsoo’s family is rather well-to-do, so he can afford to rent his own apartment instead of staying on the university dorms. Yixing’s mother had starting dating the boss of the Chinese restaurant she was working at and when she moved in with him, it had seemed natural for Yixing to move in with Kyungsoo too.

Yixing and Kyungsoo are both undergraduate students at the University of London. Yixing likes London. He’s been dreaming of studying at London since he was a young boy, and every morning, when he opens his eyes, it still feels like a little miracle that he’s finally made it here. London is a big bustling city, but it feels like crowded than Korea somehow. The buildings are shorter, the people are less rushed, and city feels old somehow. Like it knows its history, its identity, and is proud of it.

 

Kyungsoo and Yixing are both wearing hoodies, Kyungsoo in a dark blue one and Yixing in a light grey one. They are both in jeans and sneakers, and they both carry backpacks. They both wear glasses. Kyungsoo’s is Harry-Potter-like, round with a thick plastic frame, while Yixing’s has a thin wire-frame. It’s an early Spring morning, and the air is cold, but Yixing feels warm from the inside thanks to the piping-hot breakfast he’s just had. As they walk on the broad grey-slabbed sidewalk with the occasional traffic driving past, they pass a grocery store and a café that open up right into the sidewalk from the short buildings. As it gets more crowded, Kyungsoo reaches over to hold Yixing’s hand so that they don’t get separated. Londoners stream past them, and no one bats an eyelid. Another thing that Yixing loves about London.

 

They have to walk past a small park to get to the main entrance of the campus, and this is Yixing’s favourite part of the walk. Walking through the greenery is therapeutic. Yixing likes the little white bandstand in the middle of the park. It’s pretty.

 

Their university building looks old on the outside, with its brown-bricked façade, but inside, the décor is new and modern. Yixing’s first lecture of the day is at the Olliever Thompson Theatre. Its located in the basement level, three floors down. Kyungsoo’s tutorial is in another building but Kyungsoo walks Yixing right to the entrance of the lecture hall anyway. He plants a goodbye kiss on his cheek, promising to meet for lunch later. The auditorium is huge, capable of seating 300, but Yixing sits right at the front row as usual. When the lecture finishes, he goes to the university cafe. It’s cosy, situated in an outdoor area in between two buildings. Yixing selects one of the round grey tables. While waiting for Kyungsoo, he turns on his laptop and checks his email.

 

It’s the same old, emails from fellow students, from professors, from the faculty and various student bodies advertising various campus events.

 

Then he sees it.

 

An email, from his ex-boyfriend.

 

The very person Yixing had moved to London to get away from.

 

Yixing stares and the computer screen, hardly daring to believe it. When he had left Korea, he had taken great pains to make sure no one knew where he was going. He had moved to a new country, taken his mother along with him, changed his handphone number and his email address, and told no one. And yet, there is now an email in his inbox from him.

 

Yixing steels himself and opens the email. The email is long, almost an essay. The writer of the email apologises profusely, pleads forgiveness, and begs Yixing to see him. There’s a name of a restaurant at the end of the email, and a date and time.

 

“Yixing.”

 

Yixing looks up to see Kyungsoo putting his bag down in the seat opposite him.

 

“What would you like to have? I’ll get it for you.”

 

“Maybe a sandwich?”

 

Without another word, Kyungsoo silently goes to queue up, leaving Yixing alone to mull over the email. Yixing reads and rereads each line, agonising over every word.

 

Kyungsoo returns with a tray. Yixing had not specified what sandwich he wanted, and he sees that Kyungsoo has bought him a pulled pork sandwich, one of his favourites. Kyungsoo has gotten himself lasagne, and a bowl of mushroom soup to share. Yixing shuts down his laptop and puts it away.

 

It takes Yixing almost until the meal is over when he finally musters the courage to tell Kyungsoo about the email. Kyungsoo had been in the middle of scooping some mushroom soup for himself. He stops midway. The soup sloshes on the table. The usual cleanliness-obsessed Kyungsoo pays it no mind as he stares at Yixing. Yixing fidgets slightly in his seat, taken aback by the utter shock written on Kyungsoo’s face. Kyungsoo doesn’t usually display such big reactions.

 

Eventually, Kyungsoo puts down the spoon and wipes up the spilt soup with a serviette.

 

“You should meet him,” says Kyungsoo, his stoic expression back in place.

 

“You sure? I won’t meet him if you aren’t comfortable with it. I’ll just delete the email and change my email address.”

 

“No. It’s fine. Go ahead and meet him.”

 

A couple of days later, Kyungsoo and Yixing step out of their apartment building together.

 

“It’s going to rain,” says Kyungsoo.

 

Yixing shrugs. The sky is indeed dreary, but it always rains in London anyway.

 

“Let’s exchange jackets.”

 

Yixing hesitates, but Kyungsoo has already removed his jacket and is helping Yixing out of his. They complete the jacket exchange just in time. The first few drops of rain sprinkle down. Kyungsoo’s jacket has a hood, which Kyungsoo flips up to cover Yixing’s head. Yixing’s jacket doesn’t have a hood, and the raindrops flatten Kyungsoo’s hair.

 

“What about you?” asks Yixing.

 

“It’s fine. The tube station is just up ahead.”

 

They make it into the station before the rain gets any heavier. It just stays at a steady drizzle. They get off at the Bond Street Underground Station. Yixing and Kyungsoo have been living in London for a year, but neither of them have been to Mayfair before, so Kyungsoo uses GPS to locate the restaurant.

 

Yixing feels instantly awkward the minute they step in. Everything is too posh, from the golden lighting to the gold wallpaper, to the white linen tablecloths and the pristine glassware, to the carpet and the velvet-lined chairs. A member of the staff steps up to take their jackets from them. If the maître d is surprised by their request to sit separately, she doesn’t show it. Her professional smile doesn’t falter once as she efficiently guides them to their respective tables. Yixing is seated a table in the middle of the restaurant, facing the door. Kyungsoo is seated several tables behind him, at a corner table near the wall.

 

Yixing turns back at his seat to look at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo gives Yixing a small reassuring smile, and Yixing’s nerves settle down somewhat.

 

Then, there’s nothing to do, but wait for him to arrive.

 

When he steps into the restaurant, a flurry of raindrops follows him. The rain churns and swirls around him, until the wait staff close the door, and the draft settles down. Raindrops cling on his hair, his eyelashes, coat his shoulders. He shrugs off his long coat, and a staff takes it from him. The maître d steps up to speak to him, but he looks up then, and his eyes connect with Yixing’s. As if drawn by a magnet, he walks straight towards Yixing. The maître d is surprised, cut off in mid-sentence. He brushes past the maître d, but it’s obvious he’s not being impolite, it was just that the sight of Yixing has swallowed up his entire universe, making him unable to notice anything else.

 

“Yixing!”

 

There are tears in his eyes as they sweep up and down, all over Yixing, drinking in every detail of Yixing’s appearance. His eyes brim with hope, and Yixing is unable to look at them.

 

“Yixing, I got you these. I hope you like them.”

 

A bouquet of flowers is produced by a waitress had been standing on the fringes. She steps up to offer it to Yixing, but he steps in and takes over the bouquet so that he can present it personally to Yixing. Despite himself, Yixing admires the bouquet. It’s pretty. Small delicate bell-shaped flowers hang downwards on long green stems, blanketed by long lush blades of green leaves.

 

“Lily of the Valley,” says Yixing.

 

“Yes,” he nods, pleased that Yixing recognises it. “You know of it?”

 

“I’ve worked part-time at a flower shop before.”

 

“So, you know what it means right?”

 

Forgiveness.

 

Yixing says nothing. He puts the bouquet down on the table next to him.

 

“Take a seat,” he tells him.

 

“Erm, yes, of course.”

 

A wait staff pulls the chair for him, and slides it in for him as he sits down, then lays out the napkin in his lap for him. Water is poured into his glass for him, and a menu is placed in front of each of them. Yixing flips it open. He understands none of it.

 

“What would you like?”

 

“I don’t really eat at places like this often,” Yixing says honestly. “I can’t understand the menu.”

 

“I’ll order for both us, if you like?”

 

He orders an appetiser of Iberico de Bellota Ham with Tomato Jam and Almond Cream for both of them, then the main of Angus Beef Tagaliata with Bone Marrow, Porcini and Confit Potatoes for himself, and the Hokkaido Scallops with Finferli Mushrooms, Truffle and Parsley Root for Yixing. Yixing can’t really understand it, but he’s always liked scallops, so he supposes he would like the order. The waiter asks them what wine they would like to go with their meal, so to Yixing’s surprise, he declines to order any.

 

“I’ve quit alcohol,” he tells Yixing earnestly. “I’ve stayed sober for the past year.”

 

Yixing takes a moment to digest this information.

 

“That’s good,” Yixing says gently, quietly. “You’re an athlete. You should take care of your health.”

 

Seemingly touched that Yixing would say that, he beams at Yixing, and reaches across the table for Yixing’s hand. Seeing the movement, Yixing quickly withdraws his hand, so that the hand grasps at nothing but empty air.

 

A flash of hurt crosses his face, but he composes himself quickly. Yixing is unable to meet his eye again, so he stares back down at his lap.

 

“Hey, Do Kyungsoo is here!” he says suddenly, changing the subject. “You know, Do Kyungsoo from our high school? He's sitting a few tables behind you.”

 

Yixing looks up, to see that he is staring over his shoulder, presumably at Kyungsoo. Yixing turns back to look too. His eyes meet with Kyungsoo’s, and Kyungsoo gives him a little nod. Yixing’s racing heart calms down a little. The man seated across Yixing gives Kyungsoo a quick wave, which Kyungsoo returns.

 

“Yixing, I’m so glad you agreed to come out to meet me tonight,” he says, turning back his attention to Yixing. “I was so nervous all the way here. I kept half-expecting you wouldn’t show, and to be honest, I won’t blame you if you did. But you’re here, and Yixing, it means so, so much to me.”

 

Yixing does not know what to say, so he says nothing.

 

“Yixing, you’re so beautiful.”’

 

“Well, I got a haircut, and some new clothes. And I have high-index lenses for my glasses now.” Yixing can afford them now. His scholarship gives him a good allowance, and also, the handphone apps he had created, and the website design jobs he does on the side, are generating him income too. Plus, he wins cash prizes now and then for his good grades. For the first time in his life, Yixing is not living hand to mouth, and finally has the luxury of actually paying attention to his looks.

 

“You were always beautiful to me. Right from the first time I laid eyes on you.”

 

Yixing smiles. “Only you would think that. I was a fashion train-wreck in high school. I couldn’t afford going to the barber, so my mum used to cut my hair for me. I love my mum, but her hair-cuts sucked. They made me look mousey. My glasses were so thick, people used to say I look like an owl. And my clothes were all from the thrift store. They were mostly ragged and baggy.”

 

“You were so cute,” he says earnestly. “I wanted to hold you in my arms and squish you so bad every time I saw you in the hallway.”

 

Yixing laughs.

 

He beams at Yixing, encouraged by the fact Yixing has laughed. He leans forwards.

 

“Yixing, I know I messed up. I am sorry. Really and truly sorry. This past year without you was hell. Everyone around me told me to just give it up, but I never gave up trying to find you.”

 

“I didn’t want to be found by you.”

 

“I know.” He looks absolutely miserable. “If not for the fact that you made it to the Dean’s List at your university, I never would have found you. One day, I got up, and you were sleeping next to me in bed as usual. I remember kissing you goodbye on the forehead before I got out of bed. Then at night when I came back, the apartment was empty. And all your things were gone. I called your handphone, but the number was no longer in use. I went to your mother’s place, but her neighbours said she moved out too, and her number was no longer in use either. I went to everyone who knew you, but no knew where you were.”

 

“I’m sorry that I had to leave that way, but I told you many times that I wanted to break up. You never listened.”

 

“I know.” There are tears in his eyes. “But that was because I didn’t want to break up. I didn’t want it then, and I still don’t want it now. Yixing, give me another chance, please. I’ve changed. I won’t hurt you again.”

 

“That’s what you always said, the morning after.” Yixing says gently. He doesn’t want to sound bitter, or malicious. Yixing just wants him to understand why he’s so firm about this. “Every time you came home drunk, I was always so scared because I knew what was going to happen. It hurt. It hurt so much. But the next day, you would be so sweet and so apologetic, and you would always promise it would never happen again. But it always did. It always happened again.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

 

He looks absolutely miserable. Yixing feels a pang. Even now, even after everything, it hurts Yixing to see him so sad.

 

“It’s just that… you were so beautiful, so, so beautiful, I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help but want you. But you never wanted sex, so the only way I could get it was if I forced it. Shit, that came out all wrong. I’m such a jerk. Yixing, I truly am sorry, I really am, I didn’t mean to make excuses… … what I did, it was unforgivable and I know it… …”

 

“No, I understand what you’re saying. Please trust me, when I say I have never hated you. You have a high sex drive, so I understand that you’re someone who needs sexual release every day. But I have a low sex drive. I would be happy to do it once every one or two weeks, but you need to have it every single day. You were really sweet and patient about me not wanting it at first, but one day you got drunk, that’s when your self-control slipped. And after that first time, you never really stopped yourself, despite all your promises that you would.”

 

“I’m sorry, so sorry.”

 

“You didn’t mean it, I know. Sometimes, I feel like it’s my fault. If I only liked sex as much as you, if only my sex drive matched yours, then this wouldn’t have been a problem between us at all. And I wouldn’t have put you in a position that made you have to take what you wanted by force. It isn’t you, to do something like that.”

 

“No! Don’t say that! I was the one who was at fault! It was never you. What I did was… … was… … it was rape, and there’s no excusing it.”

 

“It didn’t help that I was so scared of sex. Our first time, you were drunk and you forced yourself on me, and I wasn’t ready, and it was too rough and it hurt too much. Even though you were gentle with me during the second or third time we had sex, I couldn’t erase the fear that I associated with sex from that first time. So that’s why I ending up saying no every time you wanted sex. And because you weren’t getting any, when you got drunk and your self-control wasn’t there, you ended up taking what you wanted from me anyway.”

 

“I’m so sorry Yixing. Yixing, you’re so precious to me, the last thing I want to do is to hurt you. I’ve stayed sober for the past year. I will never touch another drop of alcohol in my life again. Yixing, please believe me. I’ve changed for real this time.”

 

“Towards the end, you were forcing yourself on me every day, sometimes even a few times a day, even during the times when you were perfectly sober.”

 

“Yixing, I haven’t had sex for the past year that you’ve been gone. I’ve touched myself, but I’ve never had actual sex with anyone. Yixing, if I can go one year without having sex, I can continue to go without it too if we get back together. If we have sex again, it would be completely on your terms, I promise. And if we never have sex again, that’s fine with me too, I’ll never utter a word of complaint, as long as I can have you back... ….”

 

“You won’t be happy in such a relationship,” Yixing says gently. “You’re someone who needs it often. Why subject yourself to a sexless relationship like this? You’re so eligible, there’s no lack of people who want to get into a relationship with you, people who are better-looking than me, and more compatible for you than me.”

 

“I only want you. I will never be happy with anyone other than you.”

 

“When I agreed to meet you today, it was not because I want to get back together. I just wanted you to know that I forgive you, that I don’t hate you, I never have. But at the same time, I want to let you that our relationship hurt me. It really did. I don’t want to go back to it. I came to meet you today because I wanted the both of us have closure.”

 

“No! You don’t mean that! You can’t mean that. Give me another chance, please. I’ll prove to you that I have changed. You won’t regret giving me this chance, I promise.”

 

“I have a boyfriend.”

 

Yixing watches as shock washes over him.

 

“What? No.”

 

Yixing says nothing, letting silence that stretch between them allow the truth to sink in.

 

“It’s Do Kyungsoo, isn’t it?” he says bitterly, unshed tears shining in his eyes. “That’s why he’s here at this restaurant too? To keep an eye on you? Why, did he think I was going to hurt you?”

 

“It’s not like that. I’ve never told him why we broke up. I never told anyone. Nobody knows what happened between us.”

 

“You like him, you’ve always had. You liked him even before you liked me. It’s just that I pursued you so aggressively, you ended up getting together with me instead of him. If not for me, you’ve gotten together with him much earlier, right? He’s your type. He’s smart, like you. And he won’t force you to keep attending matches and parties, like I did. You two probably have study dates and intellectual conversations all the time. Someone like him is probably your ideal partner, right? Not some dumb jock like me. He’s probably really properly vanilla in bed too. That’s what you like, right? Safe, uninteresting vanilla sex?”

 

“Please. Don’t do this.”

 

He takes a shuddering breath.

 

“You’re right. That was uncalled for. I’m sorry. It’s just that I got so jealous. Yixing, when you left me… … were you already together with him?”

 

“No. When I was together with you, I was always true to you. There was no other, I promise. When I started school here and ran into Kyungsoo on campus, I was surprised too. We both were. Neither of us had known that we had applied for the same college.”

 

He nods, and Yixing can tell that this knowledge has comforted him somewhat.

 

“Yixing, please. Give me another chance. Do Kyungsoo doesn’t love you as much as I do. No one can, and no one ever will.”

 

“Let me go,” Yixing says quietly. “Please.”

 

He says nothing for a long while as he stares at Yixing.

 

“Will you be happy if I let you go?”

 

Yixing nods.

 

“Then I will.”

 

His face crumples. He’s crying openly now. Yixing says nothing as he waits for him to compose himself.

 

“I’ll go.”

 

He stands.

 

“I’ll get the bill. Please, stay and enjoy the meal with Kyungsoo.”

 

He steps away, then hesitates. He turns back.

 

“Yixing, my number, it hasn’t changed, and I will never change it. If you ever need anything, you can call me. Anytime. Always.”

 

Yixing knows that that’s never going to happen. He has already lost his number one year ago, when he changed his handphone. He nods anyway, to leave him with some hope.

 

He steps up to Yixing.

 

“Yixing, can I have one last kiss?”

 

He is already leaning down. Yixing turns his face to the side so the kiss lands on his cheek. His lips presses upon Yixing’s skin, and Yixing can feel it, how much he wants this, how much he wants Yixing. It had always been like that between them, his strong overwhelming want, which Yixing can never match.

 

“Goodbye, Yixing.”

 

“Goodbye.”

 

He turns around and walks away from the table.

 

A hand on Yixing’s shoulder alerts him to Kyungsoo’s presence. He looks at his boyfriend, but he is not looking at Yixing. He is staring intently at the man who is leaving the restaurant. Kyungsoo’s face is placid, but because Yixing knows him so well, he can recognise the emotion for what it is.

 

Want.

 

Pure unadulterated want.

 

Kyungsoo had never looked at Yixing like that. Not once. But now, he was wearing it on his face as he watches Yixing’s ex-boyfriend leave the restaurant.

 

Kyungsoo likes him, Yixing realises. And really, Yixing shouldn’t be surprised. Their entire high school was in love with him. Why should Kyungsoo be any different?

 

Kyungsoo watches him put on his long overcoat, and Yixing watches Kyungsoo watching him. The staff open the door for him, and a cold wind blows in. The wind seems to blow right into Yixing’s heart, cutting into it, filling it with frost.

 

He turns around one last time before he leaves. He visibly flinches when he sees that Kyungsoo is now standing next to Yixing. His eyes linger on Yixing for a long time before he lowers them. He looks like he might walk back to Yixing, like he would like to say something more, but his eyes flick to Kyungsoo and he stops himself. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, and turns to leave. Through it all, Kyungsoo’s eyes never leave him.

 

Kyungsoo continues to stare at the empty doorway long after he is gone, and Yixing watches Kyungsoo as he stares.

 

_He plays the role of the perfect boyfriend, but that’s all he’s doing– playing a role._

 

Yixing’s mother had been right. Yixing had been warned, but he had failed to listen. He had wanted too much for this relationship to work.

 

He had been right. Kyungsoo was Yixing’s ideal, and Yixing had clung onto that idea. But that was all it had been– an ideal. It had never been truly real.

 

 

 


	9. Jongin (Journey's End)

“Baba.”

 

Yixing looks up to see his son enter the private hospital ward.

 

“Doctor Jongdae,” the nurse greets.

 

“I’ll take over from here,” Jongdae smiles at the nurse, and he takes over the bowl of porridge and spoon from her. He sits down at the bedside next to Yixing as the nurse leaves the room.

 

“How are you feeling today, Baba?” asks Jongdae.

 

“I’m fine. When is your appa coming to see me?”

 

Jongdae’s eyes seem to mist over for a while, but Yixing blinks, and then the expression on his son’s face is nothing but bright and cheery, so Yixing surmises he must have imagined it.

 

“Appa will be coming later.”

 

Jongdae holds out a spoonful of porridge for Yixing, but Yixing ignores it.

 

“I want to see your appa,” Yixing insists.

 

“Appa will come soon,” Jongdae assures him. “Now, Baba, you must eat your porridge. If not Appa will scold Jongdae for not taking good care of you.”

 

Yixing supposes what his son says is true, so he allows Jongdae to feed him the porridge without further argument.

 

“I’m going for my shift now.” Jongdae is a doctor at the Emergency Department. “I’ll drop by again later when my shift ends.”

 

Jongdae leaves after planting a kiss on Yixing’s forehead. There’s a garden right outside Yixing’s ward, so Yixing goes for a walk in it after telling so to the nurse. He likes the garden. Being out in the sunshine is always nice. He sits on a bench, soaking in the morning sun.

 

A snowy owl glides down and lands on the bench next to him.

 

“Jongin.”

 

Yixing runs a finger over the soft feathers.

 

“Yixing.” Jongin looks around. “Where is Baekhyun?”

 

“At home.” Yixing frowns. “I keep asking my son to bring Baekhyun to the hospital, but he keeps refusing. Something about needing to disinfect Baekhyun if he does and not being sure if the chemicals would corrode an old wooden doll like Baekhyun. If Jongdae’s appa were alive, he would have brought Baekhyun to hospital the first time I asked.”

 

Jongin hoots softly, sympathising.

 

“I want to see Jongdae’s appa,” Yixing tells Jongin.

 

“Only the Blue Moon Goddess can grant such a wish.”

  
  
“Bring me to her. Please.”

 

Jongin ruffles his feathers, and uses his beak to preen them.

 

“You’ll have to leave your son behind. Are you sure?”

 

Yixing considers this.

 

“Jongdae is all grown up. He’s doing well at the hospital. I would have preferred it if he had become a scientist like me though. It would be nice if he continued my research. And from the first time he heard Jongdae sing, Jongdae’s appa wanted him to be a singer. He signed Jongdae up for singing lessons, and got Jongdae to appear in commercials and variety shows when he was a kid. But when he grew up, Jongdae insisted on becoming a doctor.”

 

“It’s his life. You’ve had your own life, and your husband did too. Let your son live his.”

 

Yixing mulls over this, and then nods.

 

“Jongdae’s appa said so too.”

 

“You’ll leave your research behind too. Are you alright with that?”

 

Yixing nods again.

 

“Everything I’ve accomplished so far, I’ve already shared with my team. The team can continue the research.”

 

“Then you have no more regrets? Nothing holding you back?”

 

Yixing shakes his head.

 

“The only thing I want to do now is to see Jongdae’s appa. Baekhyun made a wish for me in front of the Blue Moon Goddess. I want to claim that wish now.”

 

Jongin twerks his head then stretches his wings importantly.

 

“Hop on.”

 

Yixing climbs up Jongin’s back, and then they are off. Yixing loves it, the wind in his face, the bright summer sunshine overhead, the clear blue skies and the white clouds overhead. Below them, the tall buildings and cars are so small they look like toys.

 

Before long, Jongin is gliding towards the forest of Yixing’s childhood. Yixing can clearly see the house that he used to stay in. Had it always been this small? And this run-down?

 

Jongin glides into the forest. It’s dark here, and still. Jongin lands in a familiar strawberry patch.

 

“Yixing!”

 

“Baekhyun!”

 

Yixing slides off Jongin’s back and runs towards Baekhyun, who is running towards him too. They meet in each other’s arms, each hugging the other tight.

 

“Come, Yixing! The strawberries are ripe again!”

 

They pluck one for Jongin first, working together to heave with their entire body weight. Jongin hoots in thanks, and then Yixing and Baekhyun share another one.

 

“Baekhyun, I want to see Jongdae’s appa.”

 

“Ah all right then,” The little fairy’s wings flutter excitedly. “We’ll go to see the Blue Moon Goddess. She’ll keep her word, you’ll see.”

 

They climb back on Jongin’s back. They soar through the dark forest until they can see the Tree of Stars in the distance. It shines brightly through the darkness, towering above all the other trees in the forest.

 

Jongin flies up, circling the trunk of the tree. As they fly upwards, Yixing can’t help but notice that Jongin is becoming smaller and smaller. Just as they reach the top of the tree, Yixing and Baekhyun fall off Jongin, because Jongin is now too small to hold either of them. Yixing lands on a tree branch with an unceremonious thump while Baekhyun flutters down elegantly on his wings.

 

Jongin is now a small feathery ball, just like he was when Yixing first set eyes on him. Yixing rubs the top of feathery ball affectionately.

 

“Jongin, you’re young again!”

 

“So are you,” Jongin replies.

 

“Thanks for bringing us here, Jongin.”

 

Jongin hoots, jumping up and down merrily.

 

“Be careful on your way down!” says Baekhyun.

 

They wave goodbye to Jongin, and then walk up to the edge of the branch. Beneath them, the rainbow starts, falling down and spilling from the branch, further than the eye can see.

 

“On the count of three!” says Baekhyun. “One… Two… Three!”

 

Hand in hand, they jump. Squealing and laughing, they slide all the way down the rainbow, bumping into each other now and then. Yixing tries hard to stay in the centre so that he would not fall off the edge.

 

Yixing tumbles off the end of the rainbow, rolling on the tufty bouncy grass. As he stands up and brushes himself off, he realises he’s back to his normal size. Looking around, he spots Baekhyun standing next to his ankle. He had been tugging on Yixing’s shoelaces, trying to get his attention. Yixing scoops the little fairy up, and sits him on his shoulder. Baekhyun’s wings flutter contentedly as he rides on Yixing’s shoulder.

 

It takes a little searching, but they manage to find the entrance to the cave under the hill. It’s dark in the cave, but just like all those years ago, the sparkling gemstones embedded in the cave wall light the way. Following the sound of flowing water, Yixing and Baekhyun manage to find the bubbling brook. They follow the flow of water until the reach the large underground lake.

 

The lake is peaceful and calm, without a single ripple to disturb the surface. Clearly, reflected on the surface of the lake, is the shimmery reflection of the Blue Moon.

 

As beautiful as the Blue Moon is, the Blue Moon is not what Yixing is looking at.

 

Yixing is looking at the man who is at the edge of the lake. He is seated on a stone, dipping his feet into the cool waters of the lake, smiling at Yixing as he approaches.

 

Baekhyun hides behind Yixing’s neck.

 

“It’s alright,” Yixing says comfortingly to Baekhyun. “You’ll like him, I promise.”

 

He stands up as Yixing approaches. It’s dark in the cave, but his skin shines a pale alabaster under the twinkling of the many gemstones set in the walls and ceiling of the cave, and in the light of the Blue Moon from the lake.

 

He’s beautiful.

 

As Yixing looks at him, he feels an inexplicable warmth bubble up within him, filling up every fibre of his being.

 

“Lay hyung! You’re here.”

 

He’s smiling at Yixing, and Yixing can’t help smiling back.

 

“Sehun-ah. Hyung is here.”

 

 

 


	10. Sehun (True Love)

The girls in class won’t stop giggling, and it takes all of Yixing’s self-control not to roll his eyes. Instead, he calmly starts up the projector and connects the cable to his laptop. He checks his watch. One more minute to the start of the tutorial. He takes a sip of coffee, and opens up the powerpoint.

 

This is the second year Yixing is teaching this class. Last year, he only had five students taking this module. This year, the class is maxed out with twenty students, most of them giggly air-headed girls who have absolutely no interest in molecular chemistry. For a moment, Yixing allows himself the luxury of wondering why he bothers. Then he remembers why. As a doctorate student, he has to teach one undergraduate tutorial class per semester, as explicitly stipulated in his contract for the scholarship the university is giving him.

 

Yixing pushes his glasses up his nose and clears his throat. “Right. Let’s start today’s lesson.”

 

  
This is immediately met with a flurry of protests from the girls in his class.

 

“Prof Lay, Sehun isn’t here yet! Shouldn’t we wait for him?”

 

“It’s 5 p.m. on the dot. Class starts now,” replies Yixing primly.

 

“But Prof, Sehun would hate it if he missed part of class!”

 

Yixing sighs internally. It’s painfully obvious that these girls are taking this class for only one reason ‒Oh Sehun.

 

“If missing part of the class means so much to him, perhaps he should make an effort to come on time. Now, let’s with question one of this week’s tutorial. Would any volunteer like to share your answer with the class?”

 

Silence.

 

Yixing picks up the register and randomly calls a name off it.

 

“Joo-hyun?” he asks, calling on one of the Korean students in the class. “Would you like to share your answer?”

 

“I haven’t done it yet,” says Joo-hyun, pouting cutely.

 

Yixing raises an eyebrow.

 

“It’s not my fault! I didn’t know how to do it, so I asked Sehun sunbae-nim if he could teach me, and he was going to, but then Emma interrupted us!”

 

Emma, a local London student, laughs, tossing her long red hair behind her shoulder.

 

“Sehun has a very busy schedule. I’m sure he had better things to do.”

 

Joo-hyun fake coughs into her hand, but across the room, the word “bitch” clearly carries through.

 

“Why, you!” Emma half rises from her seat, with Joo-hyun glaring daggers back.

 

Just at this very moment, the door opens. A tall blond-haired man slips in. He’s wearing a white jacket over a cotton shirt with bands of black, dark grey and light grey, as well as black pants that just show his ankles, and white sneakers. Yixing has always known that Sehun was tall, but this get-up makes him seem even more broad-shouldered and slender than usual.

 

Emma and Joo-hyun instantly look all sweet and angelic, as if they hadn’t just been on the verge of tearing each other’s throat out.

 

Sehun bows to Yixing.

 

“Sorry, I’m late. I had a photoshoot earlier today and it ended late.”

 

This revelation immediately sends the girls in the classroom into titters. Yixing internally rolls his eyes. Sehun is a part-time model. Apparently one that is up-and-coming, the next star of the fashion world. Yixing wonders why he doesn’t just quit school altogether.  

 

“It’s all right,” Yixing says. “Have a seat.”

 

Sehun weaves his way to the front of the class, seating at his usual spot right in front of Yixing’s desk. All the girls in class knows that’s where he likes to sit, so they’ve kept the seat vacant for him. Not that any of them would have wanted to sit so much to the front anyway.

 

“So, any volunteers to do question one?”

 

Sehun’s hand is the only one to rise into the air, so Yixing calls on him to go to the board to write down his answer. He does get it right, though he uses more steps than necessary. Yixing points out a shorter way to get the answer. Sehun tilts his head to side as he contemplates Yixing’s method.

 

“Yes, you’re right. I see it now. Lay hyung, you’re so smart.”

 

Lay hyung? Yixing stares at Sehun, taken aback at his daring. Yixing had gotten himself an English name, Lay, because no one in London seems to be able to pronounce “Yixing”. While members of the faculty simply called him “Lay”, the students generally called him “Prof”, or sometimes “Prof Lay”. But here this young punk was, cool as a cucumber, casually calling him “Lay hyung”.

 

“Thank you for the compliment,” says Yixing formally, deciding that taking the high road is the best course of action when dealing with cheeky students who try to undermine his authority. “Now, which of you would like to share your answer for the next question?”

 

He continues with the rest of the lesson without making any eye contact with Sehun, despite the latter’s repeated attempts to answer all of Yixing’s questions.

 

The lesson ends. Yixing packs up, while Sehun gets surrounded on all sides by girls.

 

“Sehun! Could you help me with next week’s tutorial? It’s so hard!”

 

“Sehun, would you like to come with me to the frat party this weekend?”

 

“Sorry, can’t.” Sehun rejects them all casually. “I’m going on a yacht trip down the Thames.”

 

“Wow! With whom?”

 

“With Lu Han.”

 

Yixing looks up in surprise. Sehun is staring straight at him. Yixing quickly drops his gaze and continues packing up.

 

“Lu Han? The footballer? Oh my gawd! How do you know him?”

 

“Met him at the Paris Fashion Week last week,” says Sehun with what comes across to Yixing as carefully-practiced nonchalance. “I walked for Valentino, and he was a guest at the show.”

 

The adoration of Sehun’s fan-girls is about to hit the roof.

 

But how irritating the fan-girls are is the least of Yixing’s concerns right now.

 

Lu Han.

 

Even all these years, the name stirs a reaction deep within Yixing.

 

Not trusting his knees to keep steady, Yixing sits at the teacher’s desk for a while, playing on his handphone as he waits for all the students to leave. When the classroom is empty at last, Yixing stands up, slinging his laptop bag over his shoulder. He turns off the air conditioner and switches off the lights.

 

He pushes the door open and gets the fright of his life when he almost walks into Oh Sehun. He tries to back away in mid-step, but only ends up losing balance. To his utter mortification, he is steadied by an arm around his waist.

 

“Thanks,” Yixing says, stepping out of Sehun’s embrace.

 

“No problem. I’ll catch you anytime.”

 

Yixing feels his cheeks turning hot. Dammit. He’s a good ten years older than this young punk.

 

“Was there anything you wanted?”

 

“Yes. Lu Han hyung said I could bring a plus-one to the yacht party. I would like you to be that plus-one.”

 

“No thanks.” Yixing is proud of how steady his voice sounds. “Yacht parties aren’t my thing.”

 

Yixing turns away from Sehun. He walks down the corridor. His strides are long and fast, but Sehun doesn’t have any problem keeping up.

 

“Really? That’s too bad then. Lu Han hyung would be so disappointed.”

 

They reach the end of the corridor. Yixing turns to go down the staircase, and Sehun follows.

 

“Why should he?”

 

If Sehun can detect the frostiness dripping from Yixing’s voice, he doesn’t show it.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just that he specially sought me out at the Valentino after-party you know? I was so flattered. I mean, I know I’m drop-dead beautiful and all, but all the same, I was surprised a mega-celeb like Lu Han even knew I existed. It turns out the only reason why he approached me was because he heard I was a student at the University of London. And it seems to me, the only reason he was so interested in the University of London was because he knew you were doing your PhD here. He asked me if I knew you.”

 

“Did he?” says Yixing. “Sorry, I’ve got to go. See you around.”

 

Yixing makes an abrupt turn, pushing open a glass door to step out into the garden. It’s autumn. The trees on either side of the path are a beautiful shade of fiery bronze. Leaves of the same shade litter the ground, blanketing the grass.

 

“Yes, he did.” Sehun says lightly, matching Yixing stride for stride effortlessly, making any effort on Yixing’s part to shake him off completely moot. “He looked so excited when I told him that yes, we do know each other.

 

“We don’t.”

 

“Lay hyung!” Sehun pouts. And did the boy stamp his foot as well? “That’s so mean! I’ve been faithfully signing up for all your classes since I started university!”

 

“This is your first semester in university,” Yixing reminds him. “This is the first and also the only class that you’ve taken with me.”

 

“Well, yes. But that’s not my fault!”

 

What on earth is this boy on about? Yixing decides it’s not worth finding out.

 

“Thank you for the kind invitation, but I’m not going for the yacht party,” says Yixing in what he hopes is a firm let’s-end-this-right-now kind of tone. “Have fun. I’ll see you around.”

 

“Really? You won’t reconsider? You know, one may even suspect that the entire purpose Lu Han hyung is throwing this yacht party in the first place is because there might be the slim chance that you would turn up if I invited you.”

 

If Sehun was hoping this bold statement would catch Yixing’s attention, he got that right.

 

“What? Why, that’s not… … That’s, that’s absolutely ridiculous. Why would you think that?”

 

“Do you know Lu Han hyung uses a photo of him and you as his handphone lock screen? The photo is so low in resolution, it’s obviously not taken with a recent handphone model, and both of you are in high school uniforms. So if one were to hazard a guess, I would say the two of you are high school sweethearts. And it’s obvious that he’s not over you.”

 

Yixing feels like his heart is sinking right down into his shoes. Dammit Lu Han. It’s been so long. Why won’t you move on?

 

“Though I must admit, part of me is glad that you won’t go to the yacht party.”

 

“Oh? And why is that?” asks Yixing in a tone that strongly implied that this was a rhetorical question that Sehun is not supposed to answer. Why doesn’t this boy know when to quit?

 

But Sehun answers anyway.

 

“Because it means you are over Lu Han hyung. And that means,” Sehun smirks at Yixing. “I have a chance.”

 

Yixing stares at Sehun. But Sehun only merrily goes on his way, leaving Yixing standing in the middle of the path, his mouth agape.

 

Yixing is panicking. Why would Sehun say that? Why would Sehun want a chance with… … with… …

 

Oh.

 

Yixing suddenly understands.

 

It’s Lu Han the boy wants a chance with.

 

Of course.

 

Everyone loves Lu Han.

 

Why would Sehun be any different?

 

Yixing shakes his head. Well, whatever the case, it’s isn’t Yixing’s business. Not anymore. Lu Han can date whomever he wants. It’s his life. And Yixing has his own life to lead.

 

One week later, Yixing enters his office to find a single red rose and a card lying on the table.

 

“Happy Birthday!” the card reads. “Let me buy you dinner tonight.”

 

There’s a time written on it, followed by the name of a restaurant, and its address. Yixing doesn’t recognise the restaurant, but the area it is in is an expensive one. There’s no sign-off at the end of the card.

 

“Do you know who left this?” Yixing asks George, his fellow PhD student with whom Yixing shares an office.

 

“No idea, mate. It was there already when I came in this morning. Doesn’t the card say who it’s from?”

 

“No. Whoever it was didn’t leave a name behind.”

 

“Secret admirer, eh?” George waggles his eyebrows, making Yixing laugh.

 

Breathing in the sweet scent of the rose, Yixing suddenly thinks of Minseok. Doing something so sweet was exactly something like what Minseok would do.

 

The thought makes Yixing’s heart skip a beat. It couldn’t be, could it?

 

But no, the handwriting on the card doesn’t match Minseok’s.

 

Besides, the last that Yixing saw on SNS, Minseok was getting married. To a girl. It was part of why Yixing left his job in Seoul. It was as if Minseok’s engagement had cast a choking fog over the entire South Korean city. Yixing found it perpetually hard to breathe there, so he decided to pursue his doctorate in London, at the same university where he had gotten his bachelor’s and master’s degrees.

 

If not Minseok, then who? Yixing looks at the address of the restaurant. Suddenly, Yixing abruptly remembers the last time someone had bought him an expensive meal at a restaurant in that neighbourhood. The memory leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, and without a second thought, he throws both the rose and the card into the dustbin.

 

That evening, Yixing takes the overland train to the London suburbs, where his mother is living. When Yixing had brought his mother with him to London so many years ago when he was doing his bachelor’s degree, what he hadn’t expected was that his mother would fall for the owner of the Chinese restaurant she was waitressing at. They are happily married now, with two kids of their own.

 

When Yixing rings the doorbell, it’s his stepfather who opens the door for him. He gives Yixing a hug in greeting. Yixing likes him. He is a good man. Yixing’s two young stepsisters come running out too. Yixing has brought them presents, the shop assistant assuring him that “My Princess Pony” was all in the rage right now, and Yixing is relieved when it turns out that she did know what she was talking about. The girls are over the moon with their new toys, and Yixing beams when they declare Yixing to be the very-bestest-older-brother-ever. Yixing’s mother envelops him in a hug, and in her arms, Yixing feels like a little boy all over again. Yixing’s mother has cooked up a storm, and the entire dining table is laden with Yixing’s favourite dishes.

 

Yixing stays the night at his mother’s place so he only returns to campus the following morning. He’s having his usual morning cup of latte at his favourite café on campus when a figure slides into the chair opposite him. Yixing looks up in surprise. There’s plenty of empty seats around. There’s no need to share tables… …

 

Oh.

 

It’s Sehun.

 

He’s wearing a preppy grey jumper, with a white shirt collar jutting out from underneath. His hair, which had been blond just a week ago, is now orangey-red. On anyone else, the colour would just look ridiculous, but somehow, Sehun makes it look incredibly hot. Not that Yixing would ever admit that out loud to him.

 

“You stood me up last night,” Sehun accuses, his lower lip jutting out in a pout. “I waited for you until the restaurant closed. All the wait staff were giving me pitying looks. How are you going to make it up to me?”

 

Yixing blinks at him. “That was you?”

 

“Why? Were you expecting someone else? Not Lu Han hyung, I hope?”

 

“How did you know it was my birthday?”

 

“Lu Han hyung told me.”

 

Oh. Right, the yacht party. So Sehun and Lu Han had talked about him then. But even so…. …

 

“Why would he tell you such a thing?”

 

“He was shit-assed drunk and blabbering, and it just came out.”

 

“He was drunk?”

 

Sehun laughs.

 

“When was he not drunk, you mean? Being drunk is like the normal state of mind for Lu Han hyung.”

 

“He told me he wouldn’t drink anymore,” says Yixing quietly, staring at the bubbles that had formed on the surface of his coffee. “He promised.”

 

“Really? He was knocking back shots like nobody’s business. He drank everyone under the table.”

 

“He’s an athlete. He should take better care of his health.”

 

“What’s it to you?”

 

“Nothing,” says Yixing. “Nothing.”

 

“Maybe if you showed, he wouldn’t have drunk so much. He looked so disappointed when I turned up alone. He looked like he was drowning his sorrows in alcohol.”

 

“Really?” says Yixing curtly. “He didn’t look so unhappy on the papers though.”

 

“Yeah? I heard that the paparazzi took some shots of us. Damn their long-range lenses. I didn’t see any of the photos, though. Couldn’t be bothered to pick up a gossip magazine to check them out. Did you?”

 

No, Yixing wants to say. I wasn’t bothered. I didn’t care. But the reality was, the photos had been everywhere, all over the tabloids, the magazines, the internet, the news on television. Lu Han’s yacht, filled with models and socialites, every single one of them slim, pretty, and scantily clad. Lu Han, with a different model in his lap in each shot, sometimes snogging a girl. At other times, a boy. In some of the photographs, Sehun was the one he had made out with.

 

Instead, Yixing asks, “Did you sleep with him?”

 

For the first time, Sehun looks unsure of himself. Guilty, almost.

 

“Yes.”

 

He quickly regains his cocky demeanour though.

 

“Why? What’s it to you? Are you jealous?”

 

“No. I’m not. Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that. I overstepped. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you around.”

 

Yixing stands up, abandoning his cup of coffee. Unfortunately, Sehun follows him out of the café.

 

“Are you jealous because of Lu Han hyung? Or because of me?”

 

“I’m not jealous.”

 

“I hope it’s me you’re jealous about.”

 

“I said I’m not jealous. Why should I care who you or Lu Han sleeps with?”

 

“You’re right. It was a shit move. I shouldn’t have gotten into bed with anyone other than you. But I was drunk, and Lu Han hyung came on pretty strong. He was just as drunk as I was, and I wasn’t in the frame of mind to reject him. Forgive me?”

 

Yixing stops. Suddenly, it’s hard to breathe.

 

“Was he… … rough with you?”

 

Sehun raises an eyebrow at this.

 

“No. He was really good in bed, despite how drunk it was. It was kind of impressive. I guess that comes with all the experience he has?”

 

Yixing turns away from Sehun. He walks away without another word.

 

“Are you angry? I said I was sorry. If it helps, when Lu Han hyung was fucking me, I wished that it was you.”

 

“That’s enough.” Yixing says harshly.

 

“Lu Han hyung wished it was you, too. He called your name when he came.”

 

Yixing looks at Sehun, stunned.

 

“He was crying, after. I held him until he fell asleep. He kept saying he was sorry. That’s when he told me about your birthday. He kept wishing he could spend your birthday with you.”

 

There’s nothing Yixing can say to that, so he keeps walking.

 

“What did Lu Han hyung do that was so wrong?”

 

Yixing doesn’t reply.

 

“Did he cheat on you?”

  
  
Yixing keeps walking.

 

“I wouldn’t cheat on you. If you let me be your boyfriend, I would never break your heart.”

 

“I don’t date children.”

 

“I’m nineteen!” Sehun huffs indignantly.

 

“Exactly,” says Yixing. “Now if you would excuse me, only authorised personnel are allowed in the lab.”

 

Yixing scans his access card and lets himself in, leaving an extremely affronted-looking Sehun outside the door. Putting stubborn nineteen-year-olds and famous soccer players out of his mind, Yixing sterilises his hands, then puts on his lab coat and goggles. For the rest of the day, he throws himself in his research, not even leaving the lab to eat.

 

At his next tutorial class, Sehun shows up on time, but he doesn’t volunteer to answer any questions like he usually does. He sits in his usual place right in front, but he doesn’t participate at all in the lesson. He spends the entire time glowering at Yixing, his back straight and his arms folded, the corners of his lips slanting down slightly. He looks like an ice prince. The look suits him actually, making him look even more regally handsome than usual.

 

Yixing pretends not to notice Sehun at all, electing to continue teaching the lesson as per normal. When the lesson ends, his fangirls crowd around him as usual, but Sehun doesn’t entertain any of them today. He makes a big show of packing his things in a huff, though it seems to Yixing that he’s packing very, very slowly. He keeps glancing over at Yixing, as if expecting Yixing to come over and stop him from leaving.

 

Yixing doesn’t.

 

Sehun eventually leaves, surrounded by his ever-present group of fawning girls, in an even bigger huff than when he had stepped in.

 

A few days later, Yixing receives a single red rose on his table, and another unsigned card, though he recognises Sehun’s handwriting this time.

 

“I’m sorry,” reads the card.

 

Yixing blinks at the card, not sure what Sehun is apologising for. Yixing has a half-drunk bottle of mineral water with him, and in a spur of the moment, he puts the rose in the bottle of mineral water. He’s about to throw the card into the dustbin, but somehow, his fingers hover over the dustbin, uncertain. Eventually, he shoves the card into an empty drawer.

 

The next day, when Yixing enters his office, a second stalk of red rose is sitting in the mineral water bottle, next to the first one.

 

“I’m so happy you kept the first rose! Here’s another one!” reads the card, along with a huge smiley face.

 

Yixing slips the card into his drawer, along with the one from yesterday.

 

By the end of the week, the mineral water bottle is stuffed to the brim with roses. A new one has appeared without fail every single day. And there are more cards in Yixing’s drawer.

 

“Came in early today and ran into your secret admirer,” says George, his eyebrows doing the waggle. “He threw away the first rose, cos it’s was getting wilted. And he changed the water in the mineral water bottle too. He’s a handsome one, isn’t he?”

 

“Shut up,” says Yixing, and George laughs at him.

 

At the next tutorial lesson, Sehun is there, at his usual seat. He’s all smiles this time. His hand shoots up into the air immediately whenever Yixing asks a question.  

 

But the next day, there’s no new rose in Yixing’s mineral water bottle.

 

There isn’t one either the next day.

 

Or the next.

 

By the end of the week, all the roses have wilted, with no new ones to replace them. George gives Yixing a sympathetic look, but Yixing only shrugs it away. Sehun is young and flighty. He’s bound to lose interest sooner or later. He throws out the roses, mineral water bottle and all.

 

The next day, Yixing enters his office, and there’s someone seated in his swivel chair.

 

“Lay hyung! I missed you so much! Did you miss me?”

 

There’s a new rose, in a new mineral water bottle, on his table.

 

“I couldn’t find the old mineral water bottle, but luckily there’s a vending machine just outside, so I bought a new one. But I should get you a proper vase though.”

 

Yixing slowly sits down at his table opposite Sehun, on the seat meant for guests who come to visit. Sehun is lounging comfortably in Yixing’s chair, as if he were the one who owned the office, not the other way around. In his hands, he’s holding Yixing’s toy figurine, the only decoration he has on his table. It’s a wooden toy figurine of a male fairy. The fairy is dressed in green, with fiery-red hair peeking out from under his pointy cap. His shoes are pointy at the tips too. His wings are white, made of mother-of-pearl, though they seem to shine with a blue, purple, red or pink tinge, depending on the angle of the light.

 

“What’s this?”  


“It’s a toy I had as a kid.”

 

“I like it. It looks old, but very well maintained.”

 

“I just had it re-painted and refurbished last year by a vintage toy maker.”

 

“You must really like this toy a lot.”

 

“It was the only toy I had when I was a kid.”

 

“Who gave it to you? Was it someone important?”

 

“It was a gift from the boy who lived next door to me.”

 

Sehun’s face falls a little. “It’s a present from a boy?”

 

“He passed away when I was six. He had cancer.”

 

“Oh.  I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s all right. I didn’t know it at that time. He told me that he was going to London to study, so that was where I thought he went. When I was kid, I had always wanted to study in London, like him. I always hoped to be able to find him in London one day. I only found out the truth years later, when I was an adult, that he hadn’t gone abroad to the study at all. The truth was that he had died from leukaemia. My mother and my neighbours had all kept the truth from me, to protect me.”

 

“Was that why you chose to specialise in cancer research?”

 

“Yes.”

 

There is a folder on his table, containing all his recent lab reports. Yixing opens it, studying the figures and data in the file for the umpteenth time.

 

“This drug that I am working on now… … if only he had it back then, maybe he wouldn’t have died.”

 

Tears stand in Yixing’s eyes. Sehun reaches across the table and he covers Yixing’s hand with his own. Yixing allows the contact for the duration of the time he needs to blink his tears away. Then gently, he moves his hand out of Sehun’s grasp.

 

“Where did you go?” asks Yixing, mainly to change the topic.

 

“I was in Shanghai to walk for the Tommy Hilfiger Fashion Show. I got you this!”

 

He pushes a box towards Yixing. Yixing looks at the words printed on the box.

 

“Portuguese egg tarts?”

 

“I got them from Lilian’s Cake Shop in Shanghai. They’re supposed to be really, really good.”

 

He opens the box and offers it to Yixing. Yixing takes one. Sehun takes one for himself too. They bite into their respective egg tarts together. Sehun is right. It’s flaky, eggy and creamy, and really, really good. They eat in companionable silence. Sehun dusts the flakes off his fingers when he’s done.

 

“I’ve got to go for a lecture now. I’ll see you at class later!”

 

Sehun floats out of Yixing’s office, leaving behind an open doorway, a box of egg tarts from Shanghai and a mineral water bottle holding a rose. Yixing doesn’t know what to make of it. George comes in, and Yixing offers him an egg tart.

 

The next day, the mineral water bottle is gone, replaced by a nice sleek-looking black vase. Two stalks of roses stand in it.

 

“See? You can trust me to keep my promises to you!” reads the card.

 

Every day, without fail, a new rose appears in the vase, and the wilted ones gets thrown out, so the vase is perpetually filled with fresh roses.

 

“I’m going back to Korea for the winter break,” Sehun abruptly announces.

 

It’s the end of the term, and they had just ended their last tutorial class. Sehun had politely but insistently asked all his fangirls to go ahead first, citing the need to talk to Yixing about his grade in private. After they had gone, he had helped Yixing to pack up all things, chatting about anything and everything under the sun, except his grade. He insisted on helping Yixing carry his laptop, despite Yixing’s protests. With Yixing’s laptop held hostage in Sehun’s hands, Yixing has no choice but to allow the boy to walk him back to his office.

 

Yixing nods. “I’ll see you next term.”

 

“How about you? Are you going anywhere?”

 

“No, I’ll be staying on campus.”

 

“Don’t you have family to go back to for Christmas?”

 

“My stepfather is closing his restaurant over the Christmas and New Year season, so he’s bringing my mother and my stepsisters back to his hometown in China to visit his relatives.”

 

“Aren’t you going with them?”

 

“No.” Yixing shrugs. “My mother invited me, but my stepfather’s family weren’t too pleased when he got married to a divorced woman who already had a son with another man. They’ve come to accept my mother now that she has given birth to my stepsisters, but if I go along, I’ll be nothing but a very big eye sore.”

 

“Then if that’s the case, why don’t you come back with me to Korea?”

 

Yixing laughs at that. “You’ve got to be joking.”

 

Sehun is not laughing though. He’s staring earnestly at Yixing.

 

Yixing swallows. He’s not joking. He really wants to bring Yixing home with him for Christmas. If Yixing was honest with himself, that was what Yixing was afraid of, that Sehun wasn’t joking.

 

“Just go back to Korea,” Yixing tells him gently. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

 

Sehun presses his lips together, his lower lip jutting out slightly, but he doesn’t say anything further, and Yixing is inwardly relieved.

 

On Christmas Eve, Yixing is the only one working late into the evening at the lab. Everyone else is long gone. Yixing takes a coffee break, and checks his handphone. Minseok’s wedding photos are all over his social media feed. It must be romantic, getting married on Christmas Eve. He looks good. Happy. Yixing types out a congratulatory private message, but deletes it in the end without pressing ‘send’.

 

Yixing turns his attention back to his research. That, at least, is going well. The cancer cells in the petri-dishes are dying, reacting well to the new drug that Yixing has developed. Yixing carefully records down his findings. Yixing carefully seals and packs away everything, then exits the lab.

 

“Finally! I waited so long for you! I kept waving at you through the window, but you never looked up. I’m so cold. And I’m hungry!”

 

Yixing stares, hardly daring to believe it.

 

Sehun crowds forward, invading Yixing’s personal space as he stuffs his hands into the pockets of Yixing’s jacket.

 

“Ah, that’s much better! Lay hyung, you’re so warm.”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Korea?”

 

“I flew back to London earlier so that I can spend Christmas with you!” Sehun indicates the large glider luggage that is sitting next to him. “See, don’t I treat you the best?”

 

“Why are you here with your luggage?”

 

“I accidentally left my apartment keys in Korea! No locksmith is going to be working on Christmas Eve, so there’s no way I can enter my apartment. Lay hyung, you have to let me stay at your place!”

 

“Why don’t you stay at a hotel?”

 

“All the hotels in London are fully booked for Christmas!”

 

Yixing hesitates.

 

“I’m cold and I’m hungry, and I have nowhere to go! Lay hyung, you’re not going to abandon me, are you?”

 

Sehun pouts. He looks absolutely piteous. Without saying anything, Yixing reaches for Sehun’s glider luggage. Yixing’s hand closes over the handle, and Sehun’s face instantly lights up.

 

Damn, but the boy does look very pretty when he’s happy.

 

Sehun beams at him, linking his hands over Yixing’s elbow as they walk.

 

“Lay hyung, I’m so tired. The flight was 13 hours! Customs at Heathrow was a nightmare too. And when I went to the belt to pick up my luggage, guess what? It wasn’t there! They told me they couldn’t find my luggage. They thought they had lost it. I was so mad, but they found it in the end. It was such a waste of time though. I really, really want to take a nice hot bath. After that, I want to eat cup ramen. Piping-hot cup ramen is my favourite thing to eat when the weather is cold. You do have cup ramen at home right? The Korean kimchi flavoured ones? Those are the best!”

 

It turns out that yes, Yixing does have Korean kimchi flavoured cup ramen, and Sehun lets out a loud satisfied sigh after he demolishes a cup in record time. Yixing lets Sehun have the bed, while he crashes on the couch, despite Sehun’s protests that they can share the bed.

 

On Christmas morning, Sehun drags Yixing to go ice skating at the outdoor rink at the courtyard of Somerset House. The backdrop of the grand 18th-century building is stunning, but Yixing has no mood to admire the scenery. It’s his very first time ice-skating, and he struggles to keep his balance on the slippery ice. Sehun, the little devil incarnate, spins and skates perfect figure-eights around Yixing, laughing at Yixing all the way.

 

Yixing overbalances, and he’s able to fall arms flailing into the ice, but he instead, he finds himself caught in Sehun’s arms. Yixing’s heart is thudding a mile a minute from the adrenaline of the almost fall. His face is buried in Sehun’s chest as he takes deep breaths. Sehun’s arms are around him. It feels safe, to be held like this. Yixing abruptly realises that all his ex-boyfriends ‒ Lu Han, Kyungsoo and Minseok ‒ had been shorter than him. This the first time Yixing has been held like this, in the arms of a taller person. It feels nice.

 

Yixing quickly catches himself. This is Sehun, for god’s sake. A boy who ten years younger than him, and not to mention, his student. He disentangles himself from Sehun’s arms, and Sehun lets him, with the air of a gallant gentleman who had just saved a damsel in distress. For the rest of the ice-skating session, Sehun holds Yixing’s hand, and Yixing allows it, his near fall making him realise the need for a steadying support.

 

On New Year’s Eve, it turns out that Sehun has a pair of tickets to the London Fireworks display.

 

“Don’t you have to order those way in advance?” asks Yixing suspiciously.

 

Rather than an impromptu affair, Yixing is beginning to realise that Sehun might have planned their Christmas and New Year together since a very long time ago.

 

“Erm, a friend couldn’t make it, so she gave it to me!”

 

Yixing can tell Sehun is lying, but he lets it slide.

 

Once they exit the tube station, Sehun insists that he and Yixing hold hands, so that they don’t lose each other in the crowd. Just before midnight, the Big Ben strikes a musical tune, and the crowd counts down.

 

“10, 9, 7, 8, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0!”

 

At the exact same count as zero, the Big Ben tolls, a deep sonorous pure. Fireworks shoot into the sky, framing the London Eye. The Big Ben tolls, with fireworks lighting the sky in between each toll. At the twelfth toll, all the couples surrounding them turn to kiss each other. Sehun turns to Yixing too, the look on his face all expectant, but Yixing looks away resolutely. Sehun pouts, but he doesn’t push it.

 

After the New Year is over, Yixing insists that Sehun move back to his own apartment, despite all of Sehun’s protests and excuses. When Yixing offers to call the locksmith on Sehun’s behalf, it turns out that Sehun does have his key after all.

 

“It was at the bottom of my luggage!” Sehun protests innocently. “That’s why I couldn’t find it! I honestly thought I left it behind in Korea! Lay hyung, you must believe me!”

 

Yixing doesn’t comment on the matter, but he resolutely packs the boy’s luggage for him. He dials a taxi for him, and firmly bundles a pouting Sehun into the taxi, luggage and all.

 

The new semester comes along. Yixing teaches a new class, and Sehun signs up for that too, and so do his fangirls. Yixing continues to receive a fresh red rose every morning. The cards that accompany the rose usually say innocuous things like “Good morning!”, “Have a good day!”, “Smile and be happy!”, and “Fighting!”, and Yixing keeps all of them in the drawer.

 

But on the day before Valentine’s Day, the card that comes along with the rose says, “Please be my Valentine.”

 

Yixing recognises the restaurant written on the card this time. Unlike the first one, it’s not a fancy fine dining place. It’s a mid-priced restaurant, but a famous one nonetheless, one that would have required booking months in advance.

 

Because Sehun is a student in one of his classes, Yixing has his email address. He sends an email to Sehun. It’s a simple one, short and to-the-point.

 

_I can’t make it. Sorry._

 

The reply comes back almost immediately.

 

_I’ll wait for you until you come._

 

_Don’t. Please._

 

Sehun doesn’t reply after that, so Yixing takes his silence as consent. He’s working late at the lab, when his handphone vibrates with a new incoming message.

 

_Lay hyung, I’m at the restaurant._

 

Yixing blinks at the message, hardly daring to believe it.

 

_Sehun, go home._

 

_I won’t leave until you turn up._

_Sehun, I won’t be going._

 

Sehun doesn’t reply after that, so Yixing surmises that he has gotten the message at last. It’s close to midnight when Yixing finally reaches home. He’s tired and burnt out. His research didn’t go well today. To his surprise, he sees a figure seated at his doorstep, curled up into a ball, hugging his knees.

“I can’t believe you stood me up on Valentine’s Day!”

 

His eyes are red. It’s obvious he had been crying.

 

“I told you I wasn’t going to go,” Yixing says gently. “Sehun-ah, I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have allowed you to keep giving me the flowers… …”

 

Sehun’s face crumples. He bursts into tears. Flustered, Yixing doesn’t know what to do. Sehun flings himself into Yixing’s arms, sobbing into the front of Yixing’s shirt.

 

“I waited for you until the restaurant closed. All the wait staff were looking at me pityingly, and even the other diners too! All the other diners had their dates with them. I was the only one who was alone! They all had flowers, and gifts, and kisses. Only Sehun had nothing!”

 

Yixing awkwardly pats Sehun on the back, trying his best to calm the distraught boy.

 

“Lay hyung must make it up to me! I want a cup of hot chocolate, and then I want Lay hyung to tuck me into bed!”

 

Not knowing what else to do, Yixing does exactly as Sehun requests. Sehun refuses to let Yixing leave the bedside, so Yixing holds Sehun’s hand as he pats Sehun to sleep with his other hand. It’s only when Sehun is fast asleep does Yixing gently extricate his hand so that he can go sleep on the couch.

 

The next morning, Yixing buys Sehun breakfast at the local café before he sends Sehun home.

 

Day after the day, the flowers and the cards continue.

 

Until one day, the card shows a date and a time, and a name and address of a restaurant again.

 

This time, it’s the nearby Italian cafe, one of Yixing’s favourite places to eat. He likes their cappuccino, as well as their scrambled eggs on toast. But nevertheless, Yixing knows that he’s not going to meet Sehun there.

 

 _I won’t able to make it tomorrow._ Yixing texts Sehun. _I will be working late into the night at the lab._

Sehun doesn’t reply, and Yixing sincerely hopes he gets the message. It’s time for his tutorial class, the one he has with Sehun, so it is with some trepidation that he steps into classroom. Sehun is already seated there, early for class, seated at his usual place right in front. Yixing avoids eye contact with him as he goes in to set up his laptop.

 

“Sehun, happy birthday!”

 

Yixing looks up to see Tiffany presenting a nicely-wrapped present to Sehun.

 

“Please. Don’t you know that Sehun’s birthday is tomorrow and not today?” sneers Irene.

 

“Of course I know that! I just want to give Sehun his birthday gift in advance!”

 

“Thanks Tiffany,” says Sehun, graciously accepting the gift.

 

“Sehun, how about we celebrate your birthday together tomorrow?” Irene almost purrs, twirling her hair. “Let’s go clubbing together.”

 

She leans forwards, squeezing her boobs as she does so. They threaten to spill over the low-cut top.

 

“Sorry, I’m already meeting a friend for dinner.”

 

“Who? Where?”

 

“Oliverio’s.”

 

“The Italian cafe near here? Who are you meeting? Why would that person bring you somewhere so cheap on your birthday?”

 

“I chose the place. I’m sure we’ll have a lovely dinner there together,” he says, staring straight at Yixing.

 

The next evening, Yixing’s finds his steps leading him to the café. He pushes open the glass door. Sehun is already there, seated at one of the wooden tables beside the full-length glass window that looks out into the street. He beams at Yixing when he slides into the chair opposite him.  
  
“I knew you’ll come!”

 

He reaches across the table to hold Yixing’s hand, and Yixing allows it.

 

“How did you know about this place?”

 

“I asked George which restaurant you like, and he recommended this place.”

 

“So you’re friends with George now?”

 

“Yep,” Sehun confirms, entirely shameless. “I meet him in the morning sometimes when I go in to put in the rose.”

 

Dinner proceeds smoothly. Conversation flows easily between them. After their meal, Sehun is prepared to leave, but is surprised when one of the café staff presents him with a slice of tiramisu cake, with a single burning candle on top. Yixing had called in advance to order it. Yixing smiles at Sehun’s reaction of utter delight. Sehun closes his eyes as he makes a wish, and Yixing’s thought as he watches the flickering golden light on Sehun’s face is that Sehun is truly beautiful.

 

Afterwards, when they walk out of the café, night has already fallen. Sehun slips his hand in Yixing’s. Hand-in-hand, Yixing and Sehun walk down the streets, until they’ve reached the Sehun’s apartment.  

 

“Goodnight,” says Yixing. “Happy birthday.”

 

“Wait! Lay hyung can’t leave like that! Lay hyung hasn’t given me a birthday present yet.”

 

“I haven’t prepared anything,” Yixing confesses. “I’ll get you a belated present tomorrow.”

 

“It’s okay. The present I want is something you can give me right now.”

 

Sehun moves to close the distance between them.

 

Abruptly, Yixing understands what Sehun wants.

 

“What? Wait-”

 

Yixing tries to move backwards, but Sehun is too quick for him. He easily closes the gap between their bodies to hold Yixing in his arms.

 

Sehun is close. So close.

 

Yixing’s heart is thudding, his heartbeat is so loud he thinks Sehun must be able to hear it.

 

A sudden gust of wind picks up.

 

It’s cold. Yixing shivers.

 

Sehun takes full advantage of this, wrapping his arms more tightly around Yixing’s waist, bundling Yixing into his embrace, while shifting the angle of his body so that he is shielding Yixing from the wind.

 

Warm. Sehun feels warm.

 

Sehun puts a finger under Yixing’s chin. Gently, he tilts Yixing’s face upwards.

 

Up close, he’s even more beautiful. His eyes, his nose, his lips… … every inch of Sehun is just so pretty.

 

There is intent written all over Sehun’s face. It makes Yixing want to pull away, but Sehun’s hold on him is strong.

 

“Wait,” Yixing says, desperate. “Sehun, wait.”

 

Sehun ignores him. He leans down, closing the gap. His lips press onto Yixing’s.

 

Yixing stays still, not knowing how to respond.

 

But Sehun’s lips are so warm and soft, and it’s easy, so easy, to just get lost in it.

 

And so, Yixing falls.

 

He kisses Sehun back. He hears Sehun’s hum of approval, feels the smile on Sehun’s lips even as their lips move together.

 

When the kiss ends, Sehun rests his forehead on top of Yixing’s. Yixing lets Sehun hold him close. His heart feels so full, it’s about to burst.

 

“That day… … in the garden… … the first time we talked… … you said… …”

 

“I said I would never break your heart. I meant it then, and I mean it now. This is my promise to you, and I intend to spend the rest of my life keeping this promise. Will you let me?”

 

Yixing swallows. His whole life, he has been trying. Trying to do the right thing. Trying to do his best. Trying not to get hurt.

 

But this, this… … what should Yixing do? What would be the right choice?

 

Sehun is so different from him. Sehun is so much younger. So much happier, so much brighter. And Sehun has so many other options other than him.

 

The logical part of Yixing’s brain is telling him to go, to walk away.

 

But somehow, as Yixing stands there, in the middle of the sidewalk, underneath the streetlight, lights from the windows of the buildings on either side of the street spilling into dark, cars driving past them on the road, pedestrians weaving their way around them, Yixing can’t muster the strength to step out of Sehun’s arms, or to even look away from Sehun’s eyes.

 

Sehun’s question hangs in the air.

 

_Will you let me?_

 

“Yes,” Yixing says at last. “Yes.”

 

 

THE END

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the anime movie, The Wind Rises, by Hayao Miyasaki


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